chapparal

I think you need to talk to a professional. If your wife isn't having an affair with this guy she is stalking him. I think you need to find out what that might mean. Looks like she may need IC.

chapparal

Here are some books you need to read:

Every man should read this:

"Married Man Sex Life" Explains why you are ging thruogh this, also has a blog

Married Man Sex Life | How to have the marriage you thought you were going to have. By which I mean doing it like rabbits.

"His Needs Her Needs"

" Love Busters"

"Five Love Languages"

another website:

No More Mr. Nice Guy

You can get a handle on this but it will take some work on your part. And quit fighting with her, it makes you look like a wimp and that disgusts her.

Jimmy

Thanks for all the advice. I think this relationship is basically over. Huge fight last night, me talking, her screaming, throwing things and trying to hit and kick me, while the kids could hear. Basically she can't trust me because I invaed her privacy again after doing it 6 months ago. Her going to the facebook page is harmless in her opinion. My snooping is the worst thing a person could do, breaking her trust. I know trust is the number 1 thing you need in a marriage and neither of us trust each other. I am suggesting calm plans to try to repair this a little or at least make it a civil break up and her response is basically more screaming.
So the score board is me 100% wrong and the cause of all the problems and her 0% wrong. Everything she has done is innocent and I twisted it into something bad.

thanks again for the advice.

Kallan Pavithran

Issue her with D papers immediately.............

Shaggy

I don't think it's over - what you hit last night was her fighting to protect her secrecy and her EA and possibly PA.

She's fighting you because you want to end her affair.

Some call this the fog and blameshifting. Expect more of it. However if you can really shock her like by filing for D - it is possible to get her to realize the stakes here. Right now she is thinking she can cry scream yell and you'll backdown and let her have her affair.

By actually serving her real D papers from a real lawyer - you show her this isn't a little disagreement you're backing down from - it's the end of the family.

keko

Serve her with D papers, if she improves later on you can withdraw the petition.

Hank567

One word of caution, if you serve her with D papers, make sure you mean it. She may use that and tell everyone "He wants out of the marriage, it's his fault" and try to get vindication from everyone.

keko

Also get copies of her "dirty" pictures before she deletes them.

snap

What she really wants is guilt-ridden you not sticking into her affair life anymore.

File and tell her she can enjoy all the privacy in the world in her new, single life.

Jimmy

She threatened to go to a lawyer last night. I am in contact with one this morning.

But one question for everyone here.

I like to look at things from all sides. Could everything she has done been harmless? I can't see how she would think the pictures adn then the multiple trips to his facebook page are innocent. Am I missing something?

bryanp

If the roles were reversed and you were hung up and seeing a woman in an all girl band you would already be divorced. She is toxic to you and your children. Time to see a lawyer and stop this madness. Good luck.

Jimmy

The pictures were never dirty. It just got to be after every show she had to get one or two pics with just her and him. Her friend that always goes with her also had to get pics with another guy from the band. I just don't see how she could innocently remain facebook friends with this guy after everything that happened.

Hank567

Sounds like she's pretty good at gaslighting you. Right now, the 180 is your friend, do some more reading up on that. Even if your marriage can't be saved, it will still help you.

Jimmy

I have said that to her many times. I come from a divorced family and I knw how difficult it is as a kid. I guess that is why I have tried to work thru it.

There is no way I could do what she has done.

keko

A married woman being drunk next to a band isn't dirty?

Her staying friends is she is fishing, in other words just like every other cheater your wife is wanting to get laid by him/them, if it didn't happen already.