She threatened to go to a lawyer last night. I am in contact with one this morning.
But one question for everyone here.
I like to look at things from all sides. Could everything she has done been harmless? I can't see how she would think the pictures adn then the multiple trips to his facebook page are innocent. Am I missing something?
Yes, it could be harmless, but the chances are low. Would have you exploded in similar way if she glanced into your FB account?
Her reaction is telling. Nobody takes a spouse to a lawyer for things like that. You live under one roof, share the same bed, drink from same milk carton etc. You are not a stranger, you are in your home, she can not expect a veil of secrecy between people who share the laundry.
So instead of addressing your concerns, all she can do is guilt-trip and yell at you. This is because she can not address your concerns with explanations that would be reasonable.
Please stop thinking you are wrong. She's an out of control train wreck and she's taking your family down with her.
And did I read that right? It's not even a real band? Some kind of karyoke rock band? That's kind of embarrasing. She's going to look back at this stage of her life with horror some day.
Today I see that she is facebook friends with him but has me blocked from seeing that she is friends with him.
Yea something is going on. It may be a one-sided crush or maybe she has hooked up with him, but iether way, her blocking her OWN HUSBAND from seeing her "friendship" with this guy online is BAD BAD BAD news.
The only reason people block things is cause they don't want someone to see it. They want to hide.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jimmy
She thinks everything she has done is fine. She destroyed 2 phones and lost $50 another night out of her purse because she gets so drunk.
Your wife sounds like an immature drunk and bratty child. How old is she? She is not acting like a woman committed to her marriage. She's acting like a single party girl who no respect for you or your marriage. Also, she sounds like she has a drinking problem. Her inviting her friend/co worker to your marital weekend getaway is really sh*tty.
Please stop thinking you are wrong. She's an out of control train wreck and she's taking your family down with her.
And did I read that right? It's not even a real band? Some kind of karyoke rock band? That's kind of embarrasing. She's going to look back at this stage of her life with horror some day.
An 8o's cover band that packs the house with women. They are awful mand that makes it so much worse for me. And it is so hard to discuss and even argue with the woman because yes all she does is attack me. And that is what drove me over the edge 6 months ago. She never answered my question, she just attacked me. And last nigh went on and on how she bent over backwards to help me when I was going crazy. And I went completely crazy 6 months ago and it was all related to me thinking she did or was going to do something with this one guy. When I walk away from the argument and think clearly again I am always stunned by how little blame she accepts or by how few questions she actually answers. It is just attack and attack some more.
Well of COURSE you won't find anything--she has deleted everything and cleaned up her dirty tracks.
Jimmy--whether the band is good or not is completely irrelevant. The simple fact is your wife is acting shadier than a motherfvcker.
Don't let her attack you. Keep calm and tell her "I understand you're upset right now but I am also in this marriage and deserve to be treated with respect. Everything should be out in the open."
Thanks for all the advice. I think this relationship is basically over. Huge fight last night, me talking, her screaming, throwing things and trying to hit and kick me, while the kids could hear. Basically she can't trust me because I invaed her privacy again after doing it 6 months ago. Her going to the facebook page is harmless in her opinion. My snooping is the worst thing a person could do, breaking her trust. I know trust is the number 1 thing you need in a marriage and neither of us trust each other. I am suggesting calm plans to try to repair this a little or at least make it a civil break up and her response is basically more screaming.
So the score board is me 100% wrong and the cause of all the problems and her 0% wrong. Everything she has done is innocent and I twisted it into something bad.
thanks again for the advice.
Marriage is about Love and Respect. Trust is a by product. People of course can have whatever values they see fit. I see blind trust as naive, lazy and ambivalent. I believe in transparency. Spouses that demand privacy generally have something to hide. They wish to have independent behaviors that they want to keep from their spouse. Affairs thrive in the dark.
It is comically absurd for someone to say that you have broken their trust because you invaded their privacy where they are actively breaking their marriage vows. A person who needs this type of privacy is not someone to trust. Trust is earned. It is not something that is owed blindly. Trust does not mean you stop looking out for your partner.
Trust does not mean one spouse has secrets form the other. Trust flourishes with transparency and good boundaries. She has none of this.
But I also believe that the marriage trumps all of this nonsense. A spouse has every right IMO to expect transaprency.
The worst thing a person can do is disrpecting your spouse in the manner she is doing. She is acting like a spoiled selfish high school girl. You are her husband. The marriage should be the #1 priority. She should not be a groupie for some band guys. For some reason she feels you can be walked on and treated like this. She is manipulating you. Like with this whole trust fitness test.
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Last edited by Entropy3000; 05-02-2012 at 10:01 AM.
Maybe she hasn't blown him in the parking lot yet. Maybe.
It is completely wrong for a married woman to become infatuated with another man. Even if that man is Brad Pitt or someone equally unattainable. An infatuation with Brad Pitt just means that she isn't going to actually sleep with him. But it still isn't a good thing for your marriage.
So, you are completely justified in trying to c0ckblock this guy with your wife. You are completely justified in trying to find out exactly how far off the reservation your wife has gone.
You need to implement the 180 right now. As of this moment, your wife is a roommate. Don't treat her as a wife anymore. Go ahead with your lawyer and a separation agreement. If your wife wants to see this man, she needs to move out.
If, by some miracle, she decides she wants to stay in your house, then she needs to write this man a letter of no contact, give it to you, and let you mail it to him.
She threatened to go to a lawyer last night. I am in contact with one this morning.
But one question for everyone here.
I like to look at things from all sides. Could everything she has done been harmless? I can't see how she would think the pictures adn then the multiple trips to his facebook page are innocent. Am I missing something?
Jimmy,
She isn't going to a lawyer. That's her talking and acting up to enable her continue what she is doing. Her sole focus right now is getting the freedom to go every weekend and throw herself at this guy/band.
she just wants to do whatever it takes to get you to back off and let her do her thing.
Don't listen to her. This is the standard script Jimmy.
I just read the Fog. It sounds exactly like what is happening. She denies everything and says I am crazy. 6 months ago I went completely insane, I have the papers to back it up, after i found a picture of the two with the typical pose of the arms around each others shoulders, like every other picture she has of him. I would say there were app 8 pictures like this.
If that can push me to the brink, how could she stay in any contact with him, even if it is "just" looking at pics on his facebook and looking at pics of his daughter. That is wrong.
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Re: Confused by Wife's Actions 
