I have all of that.
Have we nailed the bullseye enough times to have your undivided attention now?
I have read thousands upon thousands upon thousands of stories... They are all sickeningly similiar. There is one part of your story is clear and it is on the very far side of extreme...
Lemme cut straight through the sh*t...
Infidelity or potential infidelity is a sidebar to the real issue now...
You are being abused. This is serious stuff brother. This is not mild abuse either, With your history we are talking life and death serious.
We as men have a very hard time coming to grips with this. Most men suffer in silence afraid to admit to themselves and to other people that they are being abused.
Your mind is being poisoned, the damage cant be measured right now. But, much of what your putting yourself through can not be reversed. You've already had at least one major break down, I don't think you understand the implication of that.
Set aside your pride, your own denial, rationalizations and minimizations... Whether she is doing it intentionally or not, she is a class "A" abuser and your mental health and sanity are in very real danger.
Listen, don't blow this off.
If nothing else gets through I want you to hear what I just said.