Entropy3000

Expose it at her work if they work together.

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the guy

Until she breaks from this younger man who now has control of much of her life hences the FB being taken down and the move.

I suspect that this kid has a strong hold over your wife, and with that there will be drugs and booze involved.

I suggest you do some research and a back round check on her boyfriend. This tactic my give you the ammunition to fight this thing.

Shaggy

Notify HR at work. It may harm her job, but right now your marriage is completely over and you family is torn appart.

You might be able to shock some sense into her. It sounds like there may also be drugs involved too. Has she done drugs in the past?

michzz

You need to get cold-hearted and strategic in your tactics.

Do not mess up her source of employment. Doing so will only put you more responsible financially for her in the future than you are now.

Consult a lawyer and file for divorce and insist on child support for your son.

Even if he turns 18, there is college to pay for or some kind of training after high school.

Your wife is a substance abuser and a cheat.

Live well and protect your finances and your son.

Shaggy

but in this case, the workplace is driving her cheating.

jnj express

She will wake up one of these days---but it will be way to late for her----for you should have moved on

She will be facing her golden years by herself---and that ain't no fun

Her young lover, maybe has got what he wanted, and is moving on---and she is to embarressed to admit the truth of what destruction she has caused, and is having her own mental breakdown----or has been already said---midlife crises----who knows

Just stay firm and hold your ground----no matter what, if she wants back into the family----do not make it easy on her, if you do still want her, which I would think, you do not----she doesn't deserve a loyal, loving, good H----she deserves the kind of crap she will hang around with the rest of her life, and she has only herself to blame.

Fvstringpicker

Look at the silver lining in this cloud. You've been married to this same woman for more than a quarter century. The "new" has had to have worn off (if you know what I mean). She simply walks out. Now you're rid her and her problems and can start dating a lot of relatively younger and hotter women.

happyman64

BT,

The smartest thing you can do if you really care about her is serve her divorce papers.

I truly mean that.

It shows her that you are strong enough to move on without her.

It shows her that you will not tolerate her lousy behavior.

It shows her that you will not allow your reputation to be bashed by her.

It shows her that you are not afraid to live your life with your morals intact.

Go see an attorney. Your son is still a minor. Have her kick in her share of child support and maybe the mortgage too.

Hit her where it will hurt her. In her pocket.

Or you can just move on without her in your life.

Only she can stop her poor behavior. You cannot control her.


HM64

michzz

No, SHE is driving her cheating.

That it is someone from where she works is incidental to her character issue.

I suspect that she would have found a way to cheat anywhere she was.

Your wife is not returning to you a good woman.

So why shoot yourself in the foot?

cledus_snow

huh? she was in her mid-forty's at the time!

she really needs to start acting her age. by this, i mean being repsonsible.

must be having some type of mid-life crisis.

bigtone128

The thing I am most miffed about is her anger towards me...she treats me like garbage and one would think she would feel guilty and apologize for what shes done and that despite doing wrong shed at the very least do well by our kids and family. at the very least be apologetic for the pain shes caused...i keep thinking i should have seen this coming and wished i never married her. crazy but true. I keep saying i should have put my foot down when she was clubbing but didnt feel i had a choice she was going to do it anyway...

chapparal

She treats you this way so she can make you out to be the bad guy and that keeps her from feeling guilty. This has happened quite a few time here. Yes, you should have put your foot down about the girls nights out, that never works out as you can see. Dringking and partying are for single people and people who want to be single.

Do the 180 and move on. There is nothing else you can do. She may come out of the fog but you cannot force her out of it. Let her know you are filing for divorce so you can move on and then stop communicating with her except for financial and child related topics.

Have you been to your doctor? Are you in counseling for PTSD?

Heres is a link you can use to rebuild your self:

The Healing Heart: The 180

Read "Married Man Sex Life"

No More Mr. Nice Guy

Good luck

jinba

Putting your foot down when she was clubbing would have only made her want to do it more - she's acting like a teenager - and when you tell a teenager "no", they become even more rebellious.

I know the feeling of wishing you'd never married her. I had all the faith in the world in my H for 20+ years - life was good (or so I thought) - then suddenly everything changed. It's really hard to look back and realize that you've been living a lie.

I believe my H also had a major mid-life crisis - it happens - but what bothers me more than anything is the fact that he didn't talk to me about how he was feeling. He chose to turn to someone else.

Like your W, he treated me with anger during the affair and even became violent at times. I suffered a black eye, several bruises and three stitches as a result of his outbursts. He was totally out of control and the affair changed him - the man I married would have never laid a hand on me.

I finally made up my mind that if I couldn't find the man I married, it would be over. I basically gave him an ultimatum. Since then, he's rebounded and things are much better. But I've never stopped wondering how different my life might have been had I not married him in the first place.

My point is, you're not alone in feeling the way that you do. When someone we love betrays us, it's normal to wish them away - because had they never been in our lives, we wouldn't be hurting now.

Her anger is also normal (in my opinion) - I think they use that as a protection mechanism. They direct it at us so they don't have to be angry with themselves for their behavior - it's placing blame rather than accepting responsibility for their actions.

It doesn't sound like this woman is anywhere close to admitting her sins - she's still in the fog of her newfound freedom and she may never see the light. You need to do what's best for you and your son - she's on a self destructive path and you can't change that. You need to move on and rebuild your life so that you can find the happiness you deserve.

bigtone128

Thank so much for your support and kind words. Just knowing that other people have gone through this helps me a great deal. the betrayal i also feel is how she turned to someone else regarding our problems and not to me. she once had an emotional affair and went to counselling and the counsellor said once you turn outside the relationship for help you are in trouble - so we had an agreement not to discuss our problems with others...it obviously appears that this was ignored...now its over..i get waves of sadness that hit me and then i feel better then hit again.....

jinba

You're on the roller coaster my friend - and it isn't easy to stop the ride and get off - especially when you've been married for a long time. I find myself feeling the same way, but I think we have to be patient with ourselves "life isn't about weathering the storm, it's about learning to dance in the rain" and I think (or at least hope)we'll get there eventually.