Originally Posted by bigtone128
The thing I am most miffed about is her anger towards me...she treats me like garbage and one would think she would feel guilty and apologize for what shes done and that despite doing wrong shed at the very least do well by our kids and family. at the very least be apologetic for the pain shes caused...i keep thinking i should have seen this coming and wished i never married her. crazy but true. I keep saying i should have put my foot down when she was clubbing but didnt feel i had a choice she was going to do it anyway...
Putting your foot down when she was clubbing would have only made her want to do it more - she's acting like a teenager - and when you tell a teenager "no", they become even more rebellious.
I know the feeling of wishing you'd never married her. I had all the faith in the world in my H for 20+ years - life was good (or so I thought) - then suddenly everything changed. It's really hard to look back and realize that you've been living a lie.
I believe my H also had a major mid-life crisis - it happens - but what bothers me more than anything is the fact that he didn't talk to me about how he was feeling. He chose to turn to someone else.
Like your W, he treated me with anger during the affair and even became violent at times. I suffered a black eye, several bruises and three stitches as a result of his outbursts. He was totally out of control and the affair changed him - the man I married would have never laid a hand on me.
I finally made up my mind that if I couldn't find the man I married, it would be over. I basically gave him an ultimatum. Since then, he's rebounded and things are much better. But I've never stopped wondering how different my life might have been had I not married him in the first place.
My point is, you're not alone in feeling the way that you do. When someone we love betrays us, it's normal to wish them away - because had they never been in our lives, we wouldn't be hurting now.
Her anger is also normal (in my opinion) - I think they use that as a protection mechanism. They direct it at us so they don't have to be angry with themselves for their behavior - it's placing blame rather than accepting responsibility for their actions.
It doesn't sound like this woman is anywhere close to admitting her sins - she's still in the fog of her newfound freedom and she may never see the light. You need to do what's best for you and your son - she's on a self destructive path and you can't change that. You need to move on and rebuild your life so that you can find the happiness you deserve.