Messed up over wife's affair - what do I do?

chapparal · 05-02-2012, 08:29 PM

I repeat, study the 180 and go to your doctor. Then find a therapist that understands PTSD.

bigtone128 · 05-03-2012, 05:12 AM

What is the 180? And it is funny you mention PTSD because I had anxiety attacks when I was younger and got over them but since this happened i am once again feeling blind-sided by all this.......hard to get my head around how selfish and inconsiderate she is....perhaps i missed this side to her when we were married...

Eli-Zor · 05-03-2012, 05:29 AM

A 180 link below

The Healing Heart: The 180
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bandit.45 · 05-03-2012, 07:35 AM

The worst thing you can do is find reasons to blame yourself.

Look, you will never know why your wife has done this horrible thing. Some people when they hit their 40s just go off the rails, for whatever reason. My soon to be ex wife is doing the same thing as yours. My filing for divorce has not stopped her behavior but it at least got me out from under her.

Follow the advice you have been given. File for divorce, do the 180 and "go dark" on her to protect yourself. Start taking care of yourself and see to your own health and sanity. You cannot control what your wife does, you can only control how you respond to it.
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bigtone128 · 05-03-2012, 03:02 PM

Can I ask another question? I am a good guy and since my wife's and my separation after her affair - a few women have asked me out and I am considering going out with them - should I go?

bandit.45 · 05-03-2012, 03:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bigtone128

Can I ask another question? I am a good guy and since my wife's and my separation after her affair - a few women have asked me out and I am considering going out with them - should I go?

Not until your divorce agreement is filed and the process is underway. You don't need to give your wife any ammo to uses against you if the D should go before a judge.

For me, my goal is to commit to stay true to my marital vows until the D is final. Not to prove anything to my STBXW, but for my own self respect. I need to know that I stood for something that she couldn't.

jinba · 05-03-2012, 03:42 PM

I agree with Bandit - there will be plenty of time for dating once you're done with your wife (legally). I'm sure you're lonely, but hang in there.

Fvstringpicker · 05-04-2012, 11:14 AM

Bandit and Jin are correct. The important thing is that it proves you don't have to tolerate her crap in exchange for a few scraps she throws to you if and when she feels like it.