bigtone128

My wife and I have been married over 26 years - shes 49 and im 50. Few years ago she started going out on weekends and clubbing with her friends and I said I was uncomfortble with it and she said well why dont you come along - which is what I started doing. So I did, then I started working nights and she would text me throughout the night to ensure that I knew where she was. BUT she started coming extremely close to her work mates at work and I was driving her to work one day and she said "people at work are like my family and Im going to start going out with them on Friday nights." I said okay just keep me posted on what is going on but was clear - that me and her two sons were her family NOT her workmates. I didnt think much of it UNTIL one night i came home and she was loaded drunk on the bed smelling of beer - she was never a big drinker and didnt drink beer - so I confronted her on this and she said everyone was just ordering rounds..I let it go but was suspicious. So I checked her cell phone and noticed the telephone log was deleted as was her sent texts...so i confronted her about this and she said "i delete lots of things..." I said that doesnt explain why youd delete just sent and telephone log...i said it doesnt make logical sense. A week later, I was supposed to pick her up from work at 6PM and it was 8:30PM and she was still not out..I called her texted her nothing,, finally she comes out and says ill take a cab and i said id like to talk to her for a minute..she gets in car reeking of booze, and i aske her where she was since 4pm (when she got off) she said "the office" - I said "when did they start servng beer at the office? theres no need to lie here because I never cared if you had a few drinks". she then said " oh we went to the pub after work" so I said "so you actually went to the pub and then the office to create an alibi and then to me..I said why do you have to lie about this?" She said nothing - the next day i told her she didnt love me and she said what would prove it I said lets go to a movie and then out - we did and I was a bit settled. On sunday we were holding hands but she did not want us to see a mutual friend she worked with...on Monday she told me she was moving out, she left leaving me and my 17year old son alone..i asked her if id ever see her again and she said yes at weddings funerals and graduations.....
I am miffed how a woman can live with someone for 27 years and walk out the door like it was nothing.
That was 1 month ago and I havent seen her since...she started posting bizarre stuff on fb - like katie perry's song - this is the part of me..." then she posted toni braxton's song "you're making me high" i think to make me jealous and mad ..my mother said let her do it as shes only making a fool of herself.. sure enough she took all those songs and photos down as well as the family pictures and she is almost a facebook nonenity....question - what the hell is going on with her other than the affair? Is taking down the pictures a good sign of her guilt? of her possibly coming around? I have never gne through this..also I want her to experience karma for the hurt shes caused me and our family is there such a thing? Will her newfound fling last? I want her to experience the pain shes caused me and our family.

Will_Kane

Does she see your son?

TDSC60

FILE DIVORCE PAPER ASAP.

She has abandoned the marriage and family.

Does she maintain a separate bank account? If not close the joint account and open one up in your name only.

Cancel all joint credit cards.

Do not chase and beg her to come home and do not try to analyze her behavior.

Work on making a happy life for your son and yourself. You might find out you are happier with out her to complicate your life.

lovelygirl

Oh wow! She's so irresponsible.
She's acting like a 17 year old rebellious teenager!!!

lovelygirl

double post.

totamm

She tries to prove her love to you by going to a movie and then out.

A few days later she says she's moving out and you'd never see her again except for events for people that you both know.

She disappeared after that, it's been a month and you haven't seen her since.

You have some questions.

The affair could be the whole reason, it probably is.

Who knows?


See the answer directly above.


There is no such things as karma in the sense that there's some sort of "get even universal force" but if she makes bad decisions they'll eventually come back to bite her, but right now it appears she's just having fun and not concerned about any consequences.


Usually they don't but sometimes they do. It's a roll of the dice.


Don't stick around waiting for it. Try to get to the point that you don't care what happens to her one way or the other.

the guy

She going through a mid life crises.

Her new boy friend is most likely younger and insecure, and made her take her FB page down.

Now is the time to gather your strength and move on.

Its not what knocks us down that matters, it how we get back up that counts!

jinba

Sounds like a major mid-life crisis to me (the attitude, the clubbing, the drinking) and she's bailed on you and your son. At this point, I agree that divorce is your only option.

Removing her info from facebook may be due to her employer - or peers at work. Don't read any regret or guilty feelings on her part into it. It's likely that her posts have caused her problems of some sort and that's why she removed them.

Gabriel

What new boyfriend? While it's possible, maybe even likely, we need to slow down here. To me, it sounds like she's become an alcoholic going through a midlife crisis. She's 49 and clubbing? That's pathetic. She may come around - but the only way she does is if you act like you completely don't care and spend your time with other people.

Shaggy

Have you found the OM have you exposed to friends and family?

Have you visited a lawyer?
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river rat

I would also suspect substance abuse w/ this behavior. I'd follow the above advice and see a lawyer now.

bigtone128

Thanks for your help everyone - I think the guy is younger than her because she was a supervisor and supervised alot of younger staff. She was bringing books to work for a "coworker" to read and now has moved to be a block within her work so she can walk to work. She was "written up" by the union for "hugging" a younger male coworker. I dismissed it as her being caring. Yes she sees our son as she texts him to meet her after work and gets him not to tell me. what is really bothersome is we used to have such an open home where people could come in and discuss things and now it has turned into this dark secretive place where no one trusts anyone anymore...i am angry at this and angry she cannot see what she has done to everyone..I want her to see...One more thing about fb - i understand why she took down the sexy songs but why would she take down family pictures, wrok pictures, etc everything - its like shes lost her identity? I am really confused about that. I know Ill never be able to trust her again but I still care about her....is that messed up? I dont want her to get hurt or worse yet hurt herself when she realizes what she did.

bigtone128

Yes I know who the other man is and have exposed this whole thing to friends and family - surprisingly even her family are supportive of me but im sure this will change..the worst thing is she spread untruths about me to our friends and kids to coverup her misdoings ...and Ive had to keep defending myself against these accusations ...everytime i do she keeps drudging up more crap....it is all because she feels guilty for what shes doing...will she ever come to her senses and apologize?

TorontoBoyWest

I think that matters only if you want to R

Entropy3000

So we knew where this was headed. A major change in behavior like this in her late 40s. Sigh.

Not sure if you could have successfully headed this off.

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My marriage to my wife Donna is a love story. -- Jim

Take My Breath Away