"Listen wife. The family is moving. Now you either chose the family and come with, or you chose your self and stay here. Don't think for a second that I will support you if you stay here. Enjoy trying to pay the bills on your own."
Is that possible in this situation?
A long time ago, my wife had what was probably an EA w/ my partner. I decided to ditch the partnership and move. I told my wife, " I'm miserable here, and I'm leaving. I'd like for you and the kids to come with me. But I'm leaving regardless." Well, we all packed up and moved.
You really need to listen to the advice here, especially what bandit is saying.
People on TAM that have been through infidelity know what they are talking about!! Do not think your situation is any different - if your wife is still in the affair, she will follow the affair script to a "T".
You need to do what is best for your family which would be to take the job. I mean in this economy - what company still pays for relocation assistance AND assistance in selling the home?
If the housing market where you live is anything like where I live then you almost need to jump at the opportunity for that alone!
I'm a big fan of logic; I would put forth (particularly at therapy) "How is threatening me to stay behind if I get this new, better job that would increase my ability to provide for my family not an example of YOU being controlling?"
The fact of the matter is that none of this really matters (therapy, her blameshifting, etc.) until her affair is over. Can't have three in a marriage.
Ankle the therapist, post haste. They aren't supposed to take sides, but he should, at least, be working on unpacking the problems that led her to cheat and, hopefully, be explaining to her why you're hurt about it.
keko- she tells me she's would stay partly out of principle and that she has also built a network of 'friends' here.
to your question about OM - yes, he's in the area 4-5 miles away from my house.
As I said, I can't live here anymore and am disgusted by the last 4-6 weeks of my life. We have 3 kids as well (7, 5, 1.5), which makes this all the more difficult.
I would move. She can choose to stay if she wishes.
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Last edited by Entropy3000; 05-02-2012 at 01:57 PM.
I'm pretty firm in believing that in a healthy marriage even a SAHM gets a vote in deciding where the family lives and which jobs her husband takes if they effect the family. Otherwise, she's a child and not a partner.
However, your wife is having an affair. She does not get a vote here. Take the job. Move yourself and the kids. Hire a nanny if you need help with the children after the move. Tell your wife you'd love her to come with you, but it's up to her. If she doesn't move with you, file for divorce.
I'm pretty firm in believing that in a healthy marriage even a SAHM gets a vote in deciding where the family lives and which jobs her husband takes if they effect the family. Otherwise, she's a child and not a partner.
However, your wife is having an affair. She does not get a vote here. Take the job. Move yourself and the kids. Hire a nanny if you need help with the children after the move. Tell your wife you'd love her to come with you, but it's up to her. If she doesn't move with you, file for divorce.
Oh, and find another therapist.
Thanks for advice. Still early on on the process and I expect there to be 2-3 interviews. Promising though. Question on the kids....Would I need a court order to take the kids? I assume I couldn't just take them and go. I'm basically being told by W that this is my decision to move 350 miles away from my family and that I'm effectively ending any chance at R.
Thanks for advice. Still early on on the process and I expect there to be 2-3 interviews. Promising though. Question on the kids....Would I need a court order to take the kids? I assume I couldn't just take them and go. I'm basically being told by W that this is my decision to move 350 miles away from my family and that I'm effectively ending any chance at R.
Ask a lawyer.
Have you exposed this affair yet? It seems ongoing.
next meeting with your counselor i would fire them and see how controlling they think that is. there is no reason to stay. you have the job and offered a better one, back to where you are from to boot. how can they call you controlling when she is having an affair? you can't reason with crazy. tell her to make a list of the reasons to stay. there are pto's and schools in the other place too! she ruined the life you have there so there is nothing left anyway. take a hard line and do not cave. she sees this as a pissing contest and it doesn't even cross her mind that you could win.
Posts here shows that you are a beta male, its time to become an alpha male, sometimes we should become an alpha else others will rub their dirty as$ on our face, as your wife is doing now.
She had an affair, what you did to end it? What are the consequences she faced for her A and disrespecting you and family? Is she still in contact with OM? I think the A is still running underground. Stop it first, ask her to send a hand written NC to OM and move on with your new place. Else wish her, good luck and move on with your kids and issue her with D papers.
She is only staying there to see the OM and continue the affair without you watching, they will bang on your bed, if you leave her. So make her to choose her family or OM, then decide what to do. If she says you are controlling (all cheaters says the same) then ask her to leave you and find a doormat/cuckold, tell her clearly that you canot remain in a marriage of three and dont wish to be her doormat or meal ticket.
Change the therapist, fire him for calling you controlling ask him how its controlling when you are moving for the betterment of your family? also how can he advice people by taking sides and how can when R when they are still in A and abusing BS? Tell him you dont believe in his logic. Council ling only after ending the A, else its a waste of money and time.
Her A killed your marriage, now you dont have a marriage, if you want her back to be with you stay strong and dont allow her to manipulate you by blame shifting.
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Re: Job Opportunity....Unsure how to proceed!! 
