Looking for some help or assistance as feedback is much appreciated.
My situation is that I was approached about transferring back to to my home area for a position of increased responsibility and pay. There are a multitude of reasons as to why I think this could be a good thing for us:
-Moves my immediate family back (and close to) our secondary family
-increase in pay (if it comes to D for us, I can better support family needs)
-Moves my wife back closer to her mom, which is a relationship that I damaged greatly by involving her when I found out about OM. I feel I owe it to W and MIL to help mend the relationship that I broke.
-Lastly, I just can't live here anymore. Everyday, I drive by park where she met OM that I busted up two weeks ago. She had my 18 month old daughter with her. Driving by makes me sick to my stomach and my heart breaks a little each day. She has a friend who helped facilitate meetups w/OM. Yes, W made decision to do this, but toxic friend played a part. That's not a friend to me, and yet, she still continues to talk with her.
I understand that our problems still go with us if we move, but for me, there's reason to be hopeful here. W see things differently than I do at this point. She's against the move, although she has said that she could perhaps entertain it at some point....just not at this point.
She has said, as of today, that if I get (and take) the job that we will need to work out arrangements for the time being b/c she will stay in Pittsburgh while I work in Philadelphia.
Unsure of what to do...job is a great opportunity for the above cited reasons and yet I feel so guilty for entertaining the idea of it (its a great opportunity, and and yet i still feel guilty!). W is adamantly against it at this point. Says that its symbolic of my wanting to control things.
Any help, suggestions, or otherwise would be so appreciative!
My thinking exactly Seattle ...our MC is against the idea (figured he would be)...because he says its my way of controlling things to the letter. W is a SAHM at present, so there's that to consider as well.
Bottom line is that she is still acting very selfishly. She is not considering you or the kids well being or the family as a whole.
She wants to remain close to the network of "friends" who knew about and facilitated the affair. Also close to the OM.
Has she shown any remorse at all for what she did? She should be jumping at the chance to get out of this situation to help put it in the rear view and rebuild what she destroyed. Why is she not doing that?
I don't think she is on board with the move because the idea that you will be working across the state making money and supporting her while she remains in a place where she can resume her destructive behavior without you looking over her shoulder is appealing to her.
Tell her that you and the kids are moving. Tell her that you want her with you. If she refuses. File the D and get a judge to order a temp custody to you. Get your family and hers on board as far as helping with the kids after you move.
Not really much info about your W's affair and what's going on now as you said it's only been 2 weeks.Has NC been established with certainty? How long was the affair and was it EA,PA or both? Are you 100% sure the affair is dead because if not then it is surely playing in to your wife's decisions.Staying partly out of principle I don't get and the fact her network of friends may include some who are not friends of your marriage has already been evidenced by the one who helped her in the affair.
Affair was a an EA and lasted for almost 4 weeks (via email, text messaging, and few botched meetings that I uncovered). For all I know, it is still going on underground, and as stated, by my leaving (if I leave) it only furthers W's resolve to continue with EA.
From Philly too Grew up in Bucks county, lived in Drexel Hill area for 7 yrs and like the possibility of going back after being in Pittsburgh for 1.5 yrs.
Makes me so skeptical on why the W can't see all of the positives with this. As a said, she's adamant at this point about not moving and cites my 'controlling' behavior and doing what I feel is right for the family w/o consulting her on it. She found out today that I have the first phone interview...see how it goes.