Mach have you posted you story? I always enjoy reading your posts.
Glad you like the posts. I never posted my story, mainly cause it makes me look like an idiot. GF of 4 years cheated on me 30 years ago. She dumped me for some unknown reason, then we got back together again (minus her cherry) when she came back. The second time we had a dday, but I had the good sense to not take her back twice. Both times the monkey had her hand on a new vine before she let go of mine.
Got married at 27, went back to grad school a couple years later. My wife used to run up red flags by the dozen when I was in grad school, but I was too stupid to figure it out. If anything bugged me, I would push it out of my mind; I didn't want to be "controlling." I never got proof of anything (no computers or cell phones back then), but if I told you what the flags were, you'd laugh your head off. I've been through this nonsense many times with friends and relatives in the last three decades, so now I know what I was seeing back then. Going to work without panties because it's hot outside? Made total sense to me.
I think she's been good for the last 25 years, but she does travel. She won't get on the computer and she says she'll never have a facebook page. Gee, I wonder why not? "I don't want any guys trying to contact me."
The crying thing raised my eyebrows but not necessarily in a "she cheated" way. It is a possibility but for me...
She realizes the jig is up. Jerry being more Alpha. Her world is changing. Her control is leaving the building. It could very well be that she realizes that she has made a mess of the marriage and is feeling guilt. That could explain her checking Jerry's Iphone last winter. "OMG I have treated my H like garbo I wonder if he has had enough of my crap and is seeing some skank". She realizes that she has treated Jerry and the family as a whole like dirt and maternally she feels guilt. She was getting away with things that she knew wasnt right but maybe got off on the power?
I tend to believe in this situation that she may have made some poor choices on this power trip. Maybe a college guy or two.. maybe a workmance... maybe the neighbour. Or not. Maybe it didnt go that far. We don't know for sure yet.
I think that she is scared sh!tless that her world is about to change and she is the one at fault. Jerry has carried her bags and maybe that time has ended. Can she carry her own bags now? She could be thinking that. Scared of that.
Hoping and praying your wife goes and can handle MC today. Hope everything goes well and you have one great counselor. To be honest I don't know how counselors are able to do what they do and carry that kind of responsibility.
I think there is a really good chance you two can take your marriage to a higher level with patience and love. Good luck today.
Thanks all...went well, she cried most of the time. I think it is more of the fact things are going to change and it caught her off guard. She is so used to the lifestyle we had. Posted via Mobile Device
Take a while to collect your thoughts and tell us your perception of what she was thinking and feeling during the session. This is fascinating.
I will... I have more to write but have to go get kids. VAR is set up in bedroom just in case she has the need to call someone. I am getting kids by myself.
Told her about Alpha thing with me and said trust me, you will like it. Posted via Mobile Device
I will... I have more to write but have to go get kids. VAR is set up in bedroom just in case she has the need to call someone. I am getting kids by myself.
Told her about Alpha thing with me and said trust me, you will like it. Posted via Mobile Device
I am glad MC went well. I think it is good she cried. She is definitely feeling emotional. That is far better than a stonewall.
Also, would like to get opinions on this. In the next day or so I was thinking of telling her if this is going to work between us I need to know everything that might have went on now or in the past regarding if there was a OM. She will have that one chance to tell me and would never get another if I find out in future.
I am not expecting a full confession after saying that but it will let her know I am not putting up with a 3 rd person in our marriage.
I know I am reaching but I think I need to say this... Posted via Mobile Device
Also, would like to get opinions on this. In the next day or so I was thinking of telling her if this is going to work between us I need to know everything that might have went on now or in the past regarding if there was a OM. She will have that one chance to tell me and would never get another if I find out in future.
I am not expecting a full confession after saying that but it will let her know I am not putting up with a 3 rd person in our marriage.
I know I am reaching but I think I need to say this... Posted via Mobile Device
You are correct -- you are reaching. You already accused her once without proof -- and now you are going to accuse her again.
What good would it do. You have had the VAR in her car -- with nothing -- you now have a VAR in your bedroom with nothing -- her schedule does not change, she doesn't go out alone for any length of time.
My suggestion would be to continue to talk to your IC -- and your MC as I hope you both continue to go.
Get it out of your mind -- Like others have said here before -- you are obsessed with the neighbor. Don't destroy your marriage over this.
If neighbor is in your mind -- then cut him out of you life -- don't socialize with him and his wife anymore.
Why would you say there is a 3rd party in your marriage. YOU HAVE ABSULUTELY NO CONCRETE PROOF.
Fix your self/mind -- before it destroys you, your family and your marriage.
One more thing -- you are giving alot of POWER to your neighbor. You are taking some of the power back from you wife -- please take "ALL" the power back from your scum bag neighbor. Become the best man/husband/father you can be -- and be the man any woman would want. If your wife sees that -- she would be a fool to risk and destroy this relationship/marriage.
You are correct -- you are reaching. You already accused her once without proof -- and now you are going to accuse her again.
What good would it do. You have had the VAR in her car -- with nothing -- you now have a VAR in your bedroom with nothing -- her schedule does not change, she doesn't go out alone for any length of time.
My suggestion would be to continue to talk to your IC -- and your MC as I hope you both continue to go.
Get it out of your mind -- Like others have said here before -- you are obsessed with the neighbor. Don't destroy your marriage over this.
If neighbor is in your mind -- then cut him out of you life -- don't socialize with him and his wife anymore.
Why would you say there is a 3rd party in your marriage. YOU HAVE ABSULUTELY NO CONCRETE PROOF.
Fix your self/mind -- before it destroys you, your family and your marriage.
Yes, I understand. BTW, neighbor guy has not been around at all. And I have cut him out of our lives. Feels real good. Posted via Mobile Device
You are correct -- you are reaching. You already accused her once without proof -- and now you are going to accuse her again.
I agree she will see it as an accusation. BTDT. My motivation was to communicate that my #1 need in a marriage is open honesty. I had already asked her once directly if there had ever been any affairs. This was when I thought there had been an affair but it had ended. Plus some red flags in the far past.
When new suspicions were raised, I told her that if there was anything out there she had not told me, now was her chance. Not just affairs, but anything. If I found out from an outside source it would be a divorce. She took this conversation as a direct accusation.
Your wife should already know that it is a deal breaker if you find out about an affair. Don't tell her again.
Leave the adulterty questions alone for a while. Continue with the surveillance, but don't accuse your wife of anything while she is in an upset state.
If MC works, and you get your wife to open up, and your intimacy with one another is renewed, at some point her conscience may start to eat away at her. The more she falls back in love with you, the more her conscience will prompt her to spill the beans about any affair she might have had or was thinking about having.
Let the process play out. Be patient and see where MC takes the two of you. Today might have been a turning point in your marriage.
Leave the adulterty questions alone for a while. Continue with the surveillance, but don't accuse your wife of anything while she is in an upset state.
If MC works, and you get your wife to open up, and your intimacy with one another is renewed, at some point her conscience may start to eat away at her. The more she falls back in love with you, the more her conscience will prompt her to spill the beans about any affair she might have had or was thinking about having.
Let the process play out. Be patient and see where MC takes the two of you. Today might have been a turning point in your marriage.
Yes, I agree.
BTW, did your wife come clean or did you find out later through proof? Meant for Thor... Posted via Mobile Device
Jerry, it is still uncertain. In my mind anyhow. Friends and my sis say it is obvious she cheated. TAM members said everything from she was "obviously" a serial cheater, to my evidence is weak at best.
I would say I'm 90% sure she cheated from about 3 yrs ago to about 1 yr ago. There may be confirmation in another month when I go for HSV testing (plus the rest of the STD tests) due to what appeared to be a Herpes infection two months ago.
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Re: New thread, update to ok, here is my story... 
