Thinking back, probably for years or since i became a SAHD. She was not like this our whole time dating or 5-6 years into our marriage. But then again, we both worked. We both did chores.
Last month when i asked her about not hugging me when i had a bad day...Her answer was "Maybe I'm not as Epithetic as other wives"
My buddy had this same problem with his wife that you have.
He stayed home, and she worked. Thought when she got home that it was "ok" for her to relax cause she "worked" all day.
what he did was this.
NOT A F'n THING! when she got home, dinner wasn't ready, laudry stopped. Everything stopped when she got home.
You see, yes she was at work during the day, but so was he. So he basically told her when you get off work, so do I. We can either figure it out together, or you can take your money hungry, power seeking azz, and go find someone else to be your little biotch boy!. Took a couple weeks, but she finally came down off her high horse.
Even though you probably do quite a bit around the house. It doesn't matter. In her world you are just the puppet on the string. You need to knock her azz down HARD! It won't be easy, cause YOU have let it go this far. (not trying to be a ****, but you did put up with it thus far enabling her behavior)
Just my .02 but I don't think she is cheating. I think she thinks since she makes the $$$$$$ you should do what she wants.
Good luck. But changing yourself isn't the only change you are gonna have to make.
Thinking back, probably for years or since i became a SAHD. She was not like this our whole time dating or 5-6 years into our marriage. But then again, we both worked. We both did chores.
Last month when i asked her about not hugging me when i had a bad day...Her answer was "Maybe I'm not as Epithetic as other wives"
Wowzers.
Ok, so going back to something LM said and I agreed with, I think the question still stands...
Is this really something you want to fight over? At what point do you need to ask yourself if throwing in the towel isnt the smartest, healthiest choice.
It seems to me thru your posts that part of you is saying enough is enough......
I had a friend once. Just as we were getting to the point of being BFF's she made a confession to me about how she conducted all her relationships. She had this thing where she had to be "On Top." Those were her words. It was a power thing. If she felt the power had somehow shifted in the relationship, she would manipulate the other person in such away that she got back "On Top." It took me a couple of years to realize that she conducted our friendship in the same way. I witnessed her manipulate and control everyone in her sphere of influence. I dumped the toxic friend and hindsight gave me a very clear picture of all the crappy things she did to me during our "friendship" that I let slide.
Your wife's "beating him" comment just brought that memory right back to me.
I had a friend once. Just as we were getting to the point of being BFF's she made a confession to me about how she conducted all her relationships. She had this thing where she had to be "On Top." Those were her words. It was a power thing. If she felt the power had somehow shifted in the relationship, she would manipulate the other person in such away that she got back "On Top." It took me a couple of years to realize that she conducted our friendship in the same way. I witnessed her manipulate and control everyone in her sphere of influence. I dumped the toxic friend and hindsight gave me a very clear picture of all the crappy things she did to me during our "friendship" that I let slide.
Your wife's "beating him" comment just brought that memory right back to me.
Yes, this makes sense. After going to MC Saturday with her and her little helps on weekend has turned into weekday being back to the way it was months ago before i told her things are going to change.
And the sex life better was just a "shut up" now to me. Makes me not even want to have sex with her.
Been reading narcissist disorder for the last 2 hours. It's all coming together like a mixed up puzzle.
Thing is, the writings say a narcissist will continue to cheat (don't know if they meant affairs) as long as they think they will get away with it.
Yes, this makes sense. After going to MC Saturday with her and her little helps on weekend has turned into weekday being back to the way it was months ago before i told her things are going to change.
And the sex life better was just a "shut up" now to me. Makes me not even want to have sex with her.
Been reading narcissist disorder for the last 2 hours. It's all coming together like a mixed up puzzle.
Thing is, the writings say a narcissist will continue to cheat (don't know if they meant affairs) as long as they think they will get away with it.
One think to keep in mind is that some experts say that NPD and BPD behaviors represent a sliding scale that we all fit within, to some degree. Those who are diagnosed just slide over to the extreme in those behaviors. Just saying that your wife might be displaying some traits that fit the pattern, but I'd urge caution about trying to peg her behavior on a specific disorder. You might become more fixated on proving that she has a problem than on fixing the behaviors in yourself that you wish to change, in the worst case. Unfortunately, it kind've looks like she turned her high earning status, and your stay at home status into a pecking order, of sorts, over time. When she begins to look down on you and your role in the marriage, it can become deeply entrenched. Even if her problems are not diagnosable, you could still be facing a challenge of taking years to reverse her role assumptions.
One think to keep in mind is that some experts say that NPD and BPD behaviors represent a sliding scale that we all fit within, to some degree. Those who are diagnosed just slide over to the extreme in those behaviors. Just saying that your wife might be displaying some traits that fit the pattern, but I'd urge caution about trying to peg her behavior on a specific disorder. You might become more fixated on proving that she has a problem than on fixing the behaviors in yourself that you wish to change, in the worst case. Unfortunately, it kind've looks like she turned her high earning status, and your stay at home status into a pecking order, of sorts, over time. When she begins to look down on you and your role in the marriage, it can become deeply entrenched. Even if her problems are not diagnosable, you could still be facing a challenge of taking years to reverse her role assumptions.
I hear ya...I've calmed down a bit but I am done playing this power game with her. I'm just going to work on myself right now. Get tips from IC and keep my eyes and ears open. Posted via Mobile Device
And to many BH here, it was the reason their wives cheated
Exactly. For all the talk of gender equality women instantaneously lose respect for a SAHD. Whether it's something evolutionarily or psychological, women do not like being the primary breadwinners. And despite what they say, and I believe Jerry and his wife had an agreement about him giving up his career to become a SAHD, sooner or later nature kicks in.
Exactly. For all the talk of gender equality women instantaneously lose respect for a SAHD. Whether it's something evolutionarily or psychological, women do not like being the primary breadwinners. And despite what they say, and I believe Jerry and his wife had an agreement about him giving up his career to become a SAHD, sooner or later nature kicks in.
Women are mysterious creatures indeed.
It took me a while but it is so true...
It was an agreement to leave my career 8 years ago, but more of a disagreement 5 weeks ago about me going back to work. She even told MC that she prefers me to stay home.
Hard part for Jerry is that he had a lucrative career before becomin a SAHD, but because of the economy his particular skill set is no longer in demand. Now he has to start over. He can't just leave the marriage. Sucks. Posted via Mobile Device
Then the playing field will be level and this will force her to be a better mom and wife !!
I will see...
You should hear how snide that comment was the VAR picked up...it was like she was enjoying saying it and almost had a climatic sound to it. Friggin biatch!!
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Re: New thread, update to ok, here is my story... 
