This kind of cosmic dumbassery occupies a temporal plane of ineptitude and lack of reason so profound a Zen master could spend a lifetime meditating upon its philosophical consequences.”
ITs like the saying "Guns don't kill people, people kill people... Same thing goes with Facebook.. It it someone lack of self control who is to blame not anything else. It is purely the USER not the social network site or what have you.
I know bandit. My IC told me last night that if she does not get serious treatment she will do it again just like my IC in 2010 told me. Right before IC I found out that our house deal will more than likely fall through and I was in a rare mood going into IC. I told my counselor about it and said I do not want to spend much time on our house. My IC then told me that my WS needs IC (which she is getting) and group for accountability and support. I agree. My IC focused on my WS and her issues and I said I don't want to spend my time working on my WS. My IC told me that my WS's issues are much more damaging and threatening then me looking at porn. So I will see where we go from here. For me, if my WS gets the treatment she needs and can stay straight I will be fine with that. I will never ever buy that she did it because I looked at porn and my IC agreed with me. My IC told me that my wife's issues are not because I looked at porn. I told my IC that I do not want her to agree with me. That I will be completely honest no matter how much it pains me. So I feel I am getting help and hope that my wife listens to me. I told her what my IC told me and she listened. I hope she takes it to heart.
I can get all wrapped up and pissed off about what my wife did over the years, but in the end if she can be faithful to me for the rest of her life I can be at peace with that. My fear is that she will not be and that I then have wasted my time.
In 2010 the OM said to my wife on FB at around 11 P.M. on April 23rd as I was in bed with Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever, "You are pretty" and that is all it took for her to go nuts on internet sex with a guy she just met a few days prior. At times up till 5:30 A.M. and back again at 7:05 A.M. for weeks at a time with me next to her. All because of FB and her low boundaries.
From experience someone will go looking for what they are missing at home, they may not even realize what they are doing in the begining. Just harmless chatter,(so they think it's harmless) then they get caught up in it.. Once you get in so deep it is hard to get out of it. Some men and woman prey on a man or a woman just like this. It makes them really vulnerable and they do things they normally won't do otherwise.
When you are with someone for a while, you forget the "little things". The little things are what matter the most...
Him telling your wife she was pretty, is all it took for her..
I am just going to put this out there. You looking at porn in your wife's eyes may have been just as threatening to her, as her having an affair to you!
I never had a PA but i did get caught up in a really bad EA. He was all i thought about, He was the first thing i thought about when i woke up and the last thing i thought about when i fell asleep. I thought he was what i wanted, he wasn't. All i wanted was my husband to notice me.. I felt like a ghost in my own house, like i didn't exist ( no excuse, but this is exactly why it happened..) The OM noticed me and told me things i wanted to hear. The very moment it turned into a PA. (I kissed him) That was last time i talked to him or saw him. I ended it. I didn't want to be that person, that is not who I am or who i am going to be.
I am not siding with your wife at all.. What she did was completely wrong, doing what she did..
My hubby and I have fb accounts but we rarely get on it. When we do it's to occassionally chat with friends/family but mainly it's to play games like cityville, farmville, or something along those lines for about however long it takes us to use the energy on said game up then we hop off and do other things. We both don't have many friends on fb and the ones we do have.. well they have our number and we have known them for years... in person as well as online.
LMAO The x was addicted to Farmville, the second guy she slept w/ was b/c she needed 1000 Xtra points a day from this guy and he was a big gammer, it was her life. She used to tell me about how excited she was b/c she had the biggest farm outta the entire family, the biggest in our state.
Usually, when strangers become FB friends out of the blue, the intent is to create something more than just friendship.
I don't see the point in becoming FB friends with a stranger [especially when you're already in a relationship], so my guess would be only for cyber sex.
Without the internet I doubt that my wife would have felt empowered or bold enough to do what she did.
Now you are blaming the internet for your wife's cheat?
With or without internet, she had it in her blood to cheat.
If she thought cheating was wrong she wouldn't have done it in the first place.
Without the internet she would not have done it.
You can't be sure about this and you can never guess it.
The fate wanted her to meet this guy on FB.
Maybe she could have met him outside FB and she could have still cheated on you.
Sorry to say this, but you never know it when it comes to cheating partners.
If I wanted to I could get laid tonight by an old GF. She is on my FB page. She has always made it known to me that she still has an interest. I was the only BF she had that did not have sex with her. I always liked her. She was fun but she was a full blown skank. I did not have sex with her because she is a skank. Funny, always had good times with her, but call me whatever, but I am not an easy lay and never will be.
See?? You're admitting what I said above.
Both of you have internet/FB. Both of you had chances to get laid. Unlike you, she decided to take the chance.
I really think it depends on the person. I have ex's on my facebook, a few that still carry a torch, but I'd never cross that boundary. My ex, on the other hand, was weak when it came to advances made by women online, and had two affairs that stemmed from facebook and myspace (one with a coworker, one with his HS sweetheart, who he now lives with).
I think it's a general good rule to just have no ex's or past partners as facebook friends. If there was ever a romantic interest then axe them. I told myself I wouldn't accept less. Then recently I had to gut check myself, because there was a guy I dated shortly after I separated, and I had sex with him once (it was awful, lol) and I don't ever see him but we talk as friends every once in awhile. My boyfriend isn't jealous because he knows the whole situation and we're completely open, but he reminded me of my rule so I realized I should delete him. And I did, no questions asked.
As for strangers over the internet becoming facebook friends, that all depends. If it's WoW or some other game while you can chat while playing and there's teamwork involved, you're going to form some sort of friendship most likely. And I can see it being acceptable for people to keep up with each other on facebook and possibly even meet in real life. But if it's private chats going on between two of the opposite sex that lead to meeting up, of course, that's a no-no. It all boils down to common sense. If you begin to feel like someone is crossing a boundary, you shut it down. Simple as that. Unfortunately the internet makes it too easy.
Most all the girls on my FB friends were GF, had a crush on, or just had sex w/. That doesn't mean I just go out and start an affair w/ them. Sue was an old friend from HS, we used to talk all the time...after 30yrs I went to see her in the hospital and we were still dear friends, like the 30years had never been. It's what's in ur heart that counts, looking for sex, you'll find it, looking for old friends, you'll find it, keeping an eye on the X b/c you don't trust the LB you'll find her being the LB she's always been. LMAO