jinba

If you've seen my posts you know I'm dealing with HPV and Genital Warts as a result of H and 2 OW. My diagnosis was the end of February and my H is avoiding me (physically) like I have the plague.

We've had sex twice since my diagnosis (after the warts cleared) but both times he'd been drinking with his buddies. We haven't had "sober sex" at all.

I don't know what to make of this. Any thoughts?

missinglife

Wait...he gave YOU HPV and warts and he's avoiding you physically?

I know I am the WS here, but WTF??? That's not a good sign. I don't think it has anything to do with your diagnosis, quite honestly. He's avoiding YOU and that's not right.

jinba

Yup - that's exactly right - he's avoiding physical contact with me. In every other way he seems fine - we talk, do yard work together, visit with friends, prepare meals together - we just don't have sex.

I get the habitual kiss goodbye in the morning and a hug and a kiss when he comes home from work ... but that's it for physical contact.

Of course my mind is wandering all over the place - is he having sex with someone else again? Is he affraid he's going to give me something else? Is he affraid he'll get the warts? Is he thinking I don't want him?

I'm at a loss - and feeling pretty disenchanted at the moment. He just called to invite me to go to a business seminar with him tomorrow - 3 1/2 hours on the road - might be a good time to talk about this if I can clear my work calendar.

Complexity

I thought you'd be the one avoiding him, not the other way around.....

iheartlife

jinba--

What have you been doing to verify that your husband's past affair(s) are over?

and what did your husband do in terms of going to the dr. for HPV when your latest appt. turned this up? He was treated for it in the past, I gather, but how about now?

missinglife

I don't have a clue if it means he's still having an affair or having another, but it's a problem and it needs to be addressed. And if he's not willing to address it, then there is something going on. Perhaps not an affair or even the thought of one, but just the fact that he's distancing himself from you.

Jellybeans

What if he is sleeping with more women? He's already cheated on you with several and you've tolerated it.

So now what?

jinba

I'm sure OW #1 is out of the picture - she was totally PO'd when he ended it. Plus, he's home now - not stopping at the bar for a beer or working late - and he's changed jobs and can no longer leave the office for "secret rendezvous". When I call him, he no longer ignores me - and I often use his office # just to make sure he's where he's supposed to be.

I know nothing about OW #2 - except that he said her first name was Kathy. Claims he doesn't know her last name. So the jury is still out on that one.

As for going to the Dr. - to my knowledge, he hasn't. He's never been treated for HPV - from what I understand, if you have no symptoms there's nothing to treat. I've also read that there's no test for men - and they can only be diagnosed if they have symptoms like the genital warts.

I do want him to undergo a complete STD screening though - I don't need any more surprises.

jinba

Okay - too weird. H just called to tell me he loves me - said he thought he forgot to tell me before he left for work today.

Good thing? Bad thing? Or is he following my posts here?

missinglife

Totally unknowable, but you need to bring all of this up to him. You'll know if he's being cagey.

iheartlife

Has he set the appointment yet?

jinba

You're right Missinglife - but wow, are the wheels ever turning now! I sent an exposure letter to OW's H on Monday - basically saying she should be tested for HPV if she hasn't been. As much as I hate her for what she's done to me, I couldn't live with myself if she ended up with cervical cancer and I withheld information that may have prevented it. Dumb in some peoples eyes, I know - I don't owe her anything - but that's just the way I am built I guess.

Jellybeans

Good for you for exposing.

jinba

No appointment yet that I'm aware of - but he might not tell me if he did go - too afraid of the results, I'm sure.

He also has an issue with Doctors and Dentists - I don't understand why, but he never goes to either unless he absolutely has to.

Thinking this is one of those "has to" times.

iheartlife

Did you have a full STD panel after this recent HPV bout? I can't recall.