Re: Is it my fault???
She dropped the ball in getting her needs attended to by you. If the first you heard of it was on her way out the door, that's irresponsible on her part. Every adult should understand themselves and what they need in terms of connection to others, then they should be the #1 person to advocate for themselves, whether this is through actions or verbal communication it doesn't matter. It seems she is just switching up people to get an immediate need met, chances are when her needs change, she will have to switch up again, due to her lack of self-awareness, self-advocacy and initiative, also perseverance. You can't kick yourself for not being a mind-reader. On the other hand, it's good to check in with a spouse every now and then to see how they are doing...and hope that they will be honest if something isn't working well.
Even though my boyfriend had a brain hemorrhage, we still check in with each other to see how we are doing...and to re-assess our relationship to make sure we are on the same page and our needs are being met, and which ones aren't, and what our plan is for now and for future. It's just a normal, expected part of any relationship, to pay attention to it. Not just discard it when it's the wrong thing for your immediate need. It's sad what she's doing but chances are you are not going to be able to have any control over it.