Thank you for everyone's help. It is uplifting..well as uplifting as this situation can be. 6 weeks ago I was crushed - I am a little better now. Thank you for the whole rewriting of history - I have been telling people thats what shes doing - cripes two weeks before she had affair she had pictures of a family trip to florida all over facebook under the folder - family fun in florida - then two weeks later it was all negative...talk about mind messing. The one thing that drives me crazy is that people tell me that I must have done something to make her unhappy - then my mind starts spinning again. I am not going to accept responsibiity for her affair. Oh, yea, for those discussions about seeing a doctor - I was having great pain down below and went to doctor who believes I might have contracted an STD which I think led her to such levels of anger because she cannot deny the affair....extremely pissed that she would put me at risk with unprotected sex and then not tell me...to me a higher level of betrayal.
Yea, I am worried about my son - I am pissed that I even had to go get tests done - I mean everyone was looking at me like I was the one messing around (the staff know what your being tested for). I mean, I never had an STD in my life and now I get it from my wife??? As I said to the doctor - I dont mind paying for my mistakes but having to pay for the mistakes of others - I get angry....
Here's something I am a bit confused about - if I dont speak to her, never talk to her and she sent me an email saying never contact her again.....how does anything ever get resolved (not even for a future relationship but a working relationship with our kids??
Yea, I am worried about my son - I am pissed that I even had to go get tests done - I mean everyone was looking at me like I was the one messing around (the staff know what your being tested for). I mean, I never had an STD in my life and now I get it from my wife??? As I said to the doctor - I dont mind paying for my mistakes but having to pay for the mistakes of others - I get angry....
Here's something I am a bit confused about - if I dont speak to her, never talk to her and she sent me an email saying never contact her again.....how does anything ever get resolved (not even for a future relationship but a working relationship with our kids??
Thats its own resolution. I would make her contact me through a third party. If you never have to see her lying, diseased skank face again you are the lucky one. File for divorce/separation quickly and find a new woman. One that doesn't hang out with disease ridden creeps.
Put them both on cheaterville.com and warn everyone they are carrying if the test come back positive.
Why are you out of your own house? It is like admitting to folks that you are the bad guy.
As for others telling you that you must have caused her unhappiness, that is a common reaction, born of ignorance and fear.
Yes, fear. see ,if others can convince themselves that you were at fault and that you were deficient, they feel safer. Thye feel it caannot happen to them , as they are doing all the right things.
Thye need to beleive this, so they can feel safe.
I saw this a ot, when my first sone was born with a disability. Some ignorant people felt that we had done something wrong and were being punixhed.
You'll see this in many situations. Unless someone has exprienced this infidelity crap firsthand, you get little sympathy. people wonder why it still affects you nd say insensitve things all the time about "getting over it", in addition to the blaming deal.
Stick with folks who have been through it if you want advice and understanding.
I will tell you why I am out of the house - because she initially left and walked out and I was so devastated that I did not know what to do PLUS she went out and moved in with buddy and was telling my son she was not fooling around and staying at a "friend's" place and she left due to me. My son kept saying to me that nothing was going on between my former spouse and anyone else. So I spoke with my mother who said "shes lying to your son because she can keep it hidden" let her move back in and she will have to show her true colors.. So I did and true to form she started spending every night out over night and it did not take a week before I asked my son about it and he said "I see what's going on, I am not stupid!". It was important enough to me to win the PR war with my son. I wasnt going to let her ruin my reputation with my son because she chose to sleep with someone else. Screw (pardon the pun) that! The house is being sold and I am told she is moving elsewhere.....probably boyfriends place.....
I am seeing one on Monday...........its really messed up because Id like to know why this whole thing happened how it happened and most importantly i'd like an apology....I mean there's just a common decency in how you treat people..especially someone you've known for 30 years..
Oh, it's been four months for me and no apology in sight.... I wouldn't count on that one. To apologise is to admit that they did something wrong. That in turn 'causes' guilty conscience and she will fight that like crazy. Honestly, she probably made you into a villain and rewrote history. Don't hold your breath
My son kept saying to me that nothing was going on between my former spouse and anyone else. .. it did not take a week before I asked my son about it and he said "I see what's going on, I am not stupid!". It was important enough to me to win the PR war with my son
Your son is not your messager or spy, it's not his fight, leave the kids out of it. To involve them to the extent you have, to encourage them to pick sides is reckless, irresponsible and damaging to them. His mom cheated on YOU, not on him.
Well. I didnt involve him she did by slandering me and then HE was the one who brought up the fact that she was never at home....I just mentioned to him if he saw what was going on....I felt it was important the he see the truth...no discussions since.....dont take the moral high road before you know the details...kinda reminds me of my soon-to-be ex wife.....
Well. I didnt involve him she did by slandering me and then HE was the one who brought up the fact that she was never at home....I just mentioned to him if he saw what was going on....I felt it was important the he see the truth...no discussions since.....dont take the moral high road before you know the details...kinda reminds me of my soon-to-be ex wife.....
Morality has nothing to do with it.
Even though your son might point out she's never home, it's inappropriate to start asking him questions and putting him in a position where he has to choose which parent is right and which one is wrong and pick one to align with.
If my posts remind you of your stbxwife because I am giving you this good advice to spare your children further trauma and agony from the fallout of your divorce, then you just might want to listen to what she has to say when it comes to the children, she sounds like she's got the right idea.
Dude there are kinds of reason they cheat. Often there are validation issues and need to be valaidate constanly, and new guys are a perfect fit.
Sometimes its intitlement were waywars believe they diserve a lover other then there husband.
But in its most simplest term waywards have a void they can not fill on there own and go else were to fill it. Many waywards claim its a bandaid for there own personal issues. Blaming there betrayed spouse for the lack of boundries and poor judgement a wayward has is easier for them to sleep at night.
When its all said and done the percentage of a relationship lasting from an affair are very very low. See the wayward may have a new partner but still have the same behaviors that will break down their new relationship.
At the end of the day its all a fantasy the wayward is thinking the grass is greener on the otherside, and instead of facing there own unhealthy issues waywards continue to go through relationship after relationship looking for someone instead of looking with in them selves.
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Re: Is it my fault??? 
