Re: Is it my fault???
This is very standard, as others have mentioned.
And, a betrayed person is , often, so downtrodden and traumatized, that he or she ,often, believes the self serving justifications from the cheater.
You have already started to realize that she had imperfections as well, yet you remained true to your vows.
There was a study i read about where inquiry(somehow) was made into which partner was less invested in the marriage to begin with and which partner caused most of the pre-affair problems in the marriage. Overwhelmingly, it was the cheater that was responsible for the poor conditions in the marriage.
Think about it. It makes sense. Your wife has demonstrated beyond any doubt that she lacks integrity, is a poor communicator, and that she has poor problem solving skills. She demonstrates a lack of forethought and a lack of empathy.All this is shown by her cheating.
So, with that in mind, knowing her deficiencies, do you really beleive she was the better spouse in the relationship? Is it likely that someone so cruel, depraved and dishonest, not to mention deficient in communication etc. was anything but the main source of the pre-affair marital problems?
The whole "50/50" cliche re responsibility for pre-affair problems lacks analysis. Clearly, one spouse can be way more responsible for a marriages decline than the other. And, as I mentioned, it is much more likely that the cheater had the yeoman's share of that responsibility.
Read up on this. It is fairly well established and documented re this cheater being more at fault for the decline in the marriage.