Does the other mans wife know why he is divorcing her? Who have you told what is going on? There is a lot you can do. Sounds like she hasn't been able to make up her mind.
If you want to fight for your marriage or ever marry again start reading and implementing the advice given. If your done get a shark lawyer.
In any event start working out, weight lifting is best, see your doctor and explain to him what is going on, he can help. Find a counselor for your self that has experience with infidelity and PTSD. Postpone MC now. Let your wife think you are done.
Only you can make the decision if you want to try and repair your marriage, but like others said, it is a GOOD move to read about the 180 and follow the plan.
It will help you to see things clearly, put things into perspective, and help prepare you for what may come down the road. (She may leave you). Take some time to focus on the plan, and see how you feel in a few weeks.
Your living in an open marriage with a woman who has ZERO respect or love for you. She feels completely free to cheat and doesn't fear any consequences from you.
This has gone on for 2 years and countless sex hookups.
You are a cuckold to her.
Time to bring her world crashing down.
You need to expose him and her on Cheaterville.com
You need to expose the affair to friends and family and neighbors and coworkers and of course the wife of the OM.
You need to refused to help the affair by withdrawing the comforts of you from her: no more babysitting so she can meet up with him. She sleeps on the couch, as the marriage bed only has room for faithful spouses.
Cancel any joint credit cards and stop giving her access to your paycheck. If the kids need something, you buy it for them.
Her nice lingere etc that she wears for him, pack it up in a trash bag and toss it.
Gifts her gave her, take then an pawn them if they are worth anything, otherwise in the trash too.
Go visit a lawyer. If you live in an alienation of affection state, sue the OM.
You have been a doormat cuckold because you are affraid. It's destroyed your personal respect for yourself and made you convince yourself that there are no options for you to choose from. That is false, there are options. Posted via Mobile Device
Oh, and stop the counselling. That's a total waste of money while she is still in the affair. Counselling teaaches you skills for getting pat the affair after it is over. Right now you are spending time and money on something that only giving her ammunition to assuage her guilt over being a cheater.
What you need at this point is a to show her hard consequences for choosing to continue to have an open marriage. Posted via Mobile Device
The only way to end an affair that has gone one this long is to drive her towards the OM (other man). Once are alone and have to depend on each other for all of their emotional needs to be met the affair will not last. Affairs are fantasies, they die when they are faced with real life.
You have been enabling the affair. The reason that your wife has not left you is that she still needs the things you do for her and the needs of hers you meet. Once the OM has to do all of this … POOF no more affair.
Your best bet is see an attorney to start divorce papers. Then tell her that you want her to leave as she is causing too much pain for you and the children. Do not allow her to take your children from the family home. And do not move out of the family home yourself.
You cannot make her leave legally. But you can sure encourage her to leave if she will not end the affair on the spot.
It’s time for you to play hardball. Up to now you have helped her keep this affair and only hurt yourself by being an indulging ‘nice guy’.
Oh, and stop the counselling. That's a total waste of money while she is still in the affair. Counselling teaaches you skills for getting pat the affair after it is over. Right now you are spending time and money on something that only giving her ammunition to assuage her guilt over being a cheater.
What you need at this point is a to show her hard consequences for choosing to continue to have an open marriage. Posted via Mobile Device
How can you let her disrespect you so much?
This affair has been going on for so long, yet you don't have to guts to give this marriage an end. You're being taken for granted and played for a fool.
There's no point in MC right now. She's don't sound remorseful and you're wasting your time.
Pretty much agreed with Shaggy.
Expose the affair to her family and his then divorce her.
Who the hell allows their spouse to stay in an affair for a year? Posted via Mobile Device
The OP apparently. He's been asking her to stop but he's too scared to pull the trigger. 4 young kids? He better get DNA tests for them. Posted via Mobile Device
Look most of the people who have posted here will support you if you decided to R once the A has ended. I am pro-marriage and pro-R in most cases.
But your case is not worth saving as long as she continues in the A. You need to stop counseling if she is spitting in your face. You are wasting money. File for divorse.
You don't want your children devastated. What you are teaching them is that it is OK for mom to fuc* whoever she wants for as long as she wants and dad is just a freakin wussy. They will learn that men are wussies and women rule the world. There is no morals in your wife. She is teaching your children that a women can spread her legs outside the marriage, come home, be mom and that is the role model they have right now.
If I was you:
1. Get tested for STD's.
2. Use the 180.
3. Get your finances in order.
4. Get an attorney and file for Divorse.
5. Expose the affair to everyone.
6. And stop the dependency on a broken worthless woman. She is dead. The woman you loved is gone.
__________________
This kind of cosmic dumbassery occupies a temporal plane of ineptitude and lack of reason so profound a Zen master could spend a lifetime meditating upon its philosophical consequences.”
I am so sorry you are going through this. I get what everybody is saying, but I'm not sure I get the 'man up' comments... You obviously love your wife and have been fighting for her. I understand your pain. The sad truth is that she will most likely leave, now that the OM is getting a divorce, especially since he makes a lot of money. The silver lining is you can get the kids and get her for alimony. Then his money will be your money. I know how hard it is to kill your love on purpose, as I am doing it as we speak. I think you should get in touch with this douche's wife and tell her the truth. She probably has no idea why her husband really left. I know I didn't.... I would like to have known, so would she I bet. Good luck to you. Letting go is hard, but this woman is simply cutting you into a million pieces right now. It's not good for you or your precious children. Start thinking of letting go. You will probably feel devastated, but relieved at the same time. Again, I'm so sorry
For almost two years (I've only known less than a year) my wife has engaged in an affair that began as emotional but progressed to physical. Last physical contact was 2 weeks ago.
I have done literally everything I know to do. This guy was a friend of mine - although he was always sketchy to me and I suspected he wanted my wife. He has said/done everything to get her to leave me...he makes more money than me, etc...He is now leaving his wife and getting divorced. I believe he has no designs on letting up his pursuit of her.
We are in counseling but she won't stop calling/answering his calls. I am at the end. I don't want a divorce because I love my family. I have 4 young children and don't want them devastated. But her behavior is unacceptable...
Any thoughts...??
What do you want, besides no divorce? The exact forces you deploy are determined by your operational objectives. However, as you would surmise from all the posts above, a divorce filing is a very potent jolt of reality for all occasions.
How old are you both? Kid's ages? How long married?
Man up is code for, no other human being is allowed to treat you like a dirty, used [fill in the blank].
He has tried "nice-ing" her out of the affair. It did not work, in fact it was an epic FAIL.
Time to take a radical depature from what was definitely not working before.
Every single person in this thread BLEEDS for your kids. Everything we've said, every single thing, takes full account of the children and how desperately you want to save your marriage.
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Re: Wife won't end affair 
