OK, you came here for advice. Now you have it. If it was me, I would have stepped to the dude long ago. But you don't sound like thats you. So if you are still here and haven't run because you didn't hear what you wanted to hear, PLEASE DO WHAT THE VETS HERE ARE TELLING YOU DO !!!!
Buddy, you aren't the one devastating the kids, she is.
Tell her you wish her well in her new life with her new man and you'll work out a schedule with her on her visitation rights with the kids, because she chose to leave the marriage.
And tell her she needs to pack her stuff up and leave by the weekend, if she can't get that done by then offer to help her out. Don't let her wait until its convenient for her.
Do this as calmly as you can, it'll be hard but try not show any emotions whats so ever. This will demonstrate strength and that you don't need her and you will be fine without her.
Don't beg, don't grovel, don't talk to her or discuss anything with her unless its about the kids or through your lawyers.
The sooner you do this the sooner you will begin to heal and your new life will start.
This is hard and painful, but take this time to focus on yourself and your kids, do things that will better yourself and you'll be a stronger person for it.
Get with a lawyer as soon as possible and start the filing process.
OK, you came here for advice. Now you have it. If it was me, I would have stepped to the dude long ago. But you don't sound like thats you. So if you are still here and haven't run because you didn't hear what you wanted to hear, PLEASE DO WHAT THE VETS HERE ARE TELLING YOU DO !!!!
cdj logged off a minute after his initial post. Hopefully he isn't one of those drive bys who post, then disappear after reading what he doesn't want to read because he's in denial.
Courts don't usually consider adultery when making decisions regarding custody unless the children are adversely affected in some way as a result of the affair such as the two parties in question acting irresponsibly and neglecting the children.
So while it could be a factor, it's misleading to say "an affair should give you primary custody".
Courts don't usually consider adultery when making decisions regarding custody unless the children are adversely affected in some way as a result of the affair such as the two parties in question acting irresponsibly and neglecting the children.
So while it could be a factor, it's misleading to say "an affair should give you primary custody".
I've even heard of custody cases in which the BS tried to use the affair against the WS too aggressively in court and the judges didn't like it at all because it made it seem like the BS was trying to "punish" the WS with the custody action. They don't care so much why your marriage ended, but they do care if the BS who is wanting custody seems to be bitter and angry in court because this implies that the BS will not be able to overcome these feelings to co-parent effectively. The person who ends up with the most custody time is expected to overcome personal feelings in order to facilitate the child's relationship with the non-custodial parent.
I'm not saying don't bring it up at all, but I would personally only use the adultery very sparingly in custody court and focus more on the other things you have going for you that are in the best interests of the child (e.g. if you are staying in the family home, if you have school-aged kids and the WS is moving out of district, how much you have been involved in your kids' lives, etc.). If you can't prove abuse or neglect, don't try to and instead move on to showing how much you, as future custodial parent, will actually facilitate the child's relationship with BOTH parents even though you believe the child needs to spend more time with you because of any of the above best-interest reasons.
Your lawyer will, of course, know your case and what info should be used better than anyone. I just wanted to caution any other BS reading here not to head into a custody battle with the attitude of "Anybody can see that the kids are better off with me than that cheating b****. I'm sure the judge will too." As much as some of us here might agree with you, it's just not true in court and that assumption could keep you from developing the other parts of your case that will determine custody.
I've even heard of custody cases in which the BS tried to use the affair against the WS too aggressively in court and the judges didn't like it at all because it made it seem like the BS was trying to "punish" the WS with the custody action. They don't care so much why your marriage ended, but they do care if the BS who is wanting custody seems to be bitter and angry in court because this implies that the BS will not be able to overcome these feelings to co-parent effectively. The person who ends up with the most custody time is expected to overcome personal feelings in order to facilitate the child's relationship with the non-custodial parent.
I'm not saying don't bring it up at all, but I would personally only use the adultery very sparingly in custody court and focus more on the other things you have going for you that are in the best interests of the child (e.g. if you are staying in the family home, if you have school-aged kids and the WS is moving out of district, how much you have been involved in your kids' lives, etc.). If you can't prove abuse or neglect, don't try to and instead move on to showing how much you, as future custodial parent, will actually facilitate the child's relationship with BOTH parents even though you believe the child needs to spend more time with you because of any of the above best-interest reasons.
Your lawyer will, of course, know your case and what info should be used better than anyone. I just wanted to caution any other BS reading here not to head into a custody battle with the attitude of "Anybody can see that the kids are better off with me than that cheating b****. I'm sure the judge will too." As much as some of us here might agree with you, it's just not true in court and that assumption could keep you from developing the other parts of your case that will determine custody.
Its been a long time since anyone I know felt like the judicial system had any relationship with justice. As a matter of fact, lawyers I know think the suggestion is hillarious and they are more jaded than anyone else I know.
Well, first a few words for your children and you. Sorry for this horrible delima. Second, I hope a resolve will come. Good advice in the prior post of this thread. I myself am in an unsure place, do not have children to support, but it is living hell going through the uncertainties. But you know the truth. Take care of you and children first. Her... packing, and exposure will take a toll on her, and the above is true. These affairs end in shame, guilt and ruined lives for the guilty parties. Remember, the best now is to commit to you and your children. If I knew for sure at this point, it would be easier. You know and how do you think ten years down the road, how you will feel? Remember, you and the children are the only ones you can help at this point. Take care and GOD bless you and yours!
Cheaters aren't necessarily bad parents, cheating doesn't reduce,remove, or eliminate their parental rights.
I disagee with this. Cheaters by their very nature are selfish and liars. So how can they possibly be good parents?
I'm not saying they should be denied access to their children, but I am tired of people saying that they're a liar and a cheat, but they are a good parent. The bar would have to be set awfully low to still qualify as a good parent after choosing to destroy the family by cheating, by setting an example of lies and choosing your own selfish wants above your family and your vows.
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Re: Wife won't end affair 
