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Navigation »Talk About Marriage »Focused Topics »Coping with Infidelity » Wife won't end affair

Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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Old 05-09-2012, 10:07 AM   #46 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife won't end affair

Looks like another drive by. cdj logged in on the 7th and hasn't been back since. The advice was probably not what he was expecting.
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Old 05-09-2012, 10:17 AM   #47 (permalink)
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Post and run
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Old 05-09-2012, 10:21 AM   #48 (permalink)
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I disagee with this. Cheaters by their very nature are selfish and liars. So how can they possibly be good parents?

I'm not saying they should be denied access to their children, but I am tired of people saying that they're a liar and a cheat, but they are a good parent. The bar would have to be set awfully low to still qualify as a good parent after choosing to destroy the family by cheating, by setting an example of lies and choosing your own selfish wants above your family and your vows.
Everybody is selfish to some degree.

Everybody lies.

Families are not necessarily destroyed by cheating. At least they're not necessarily any worse off than any other broken family of divorce, which is most families nowadays.

Should we now say that one or both parents who divorce should be given limited access to their children, especially if one parent wanted the divorce and the other didn't? Even if it was for reasons other than infidelity because the family is still "destroyed"?

It's how the divorce is handled that affects the kids, not the reasons for it.
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Old 05-09-2012, 10:23 AM   #49 (permalink)
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Post and run
or post and lurk (****waves hi to cdj****)
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Old 05-09-2012, 10:26 AM   #50 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife won't end affair

Cut her off get rid of all joint accts etc and any credit cards that have both of yalls name on them tell her she needs to leave as she is the one cheating and file counseling will not work as she is still in the affair she is cake eating big time and using you their are to many other decent women out their to not let this one go the sooner the better
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Old 05-09-2012, 10:48 AM   #51 (permalink)
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Cheaters aren't necessarily bad parents, cheating doesn't reduce,remove, or eliminate their parental rights.
Cheaters have a low moral character. They don't know right from wrong. They are not good role models. These traits do not make for being a good parent.

People in a bad marriage that have high morals, know right and wrong and are good role models, do the proper thing with their marriage. They attend counseling to try to fix issues. They work on a marriage as all marriages require work. If after working sincerely on a marriage, the marriage still fails, they end the marriage. They don't cheat.
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Old 05-09-2012, 10:53 AM   #52 (permalink)
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Cheaters have a low moral character. They don't know right from wrong.
That's a rather generalized blanket statement that is in no way representative of every person that ever strayed within a relationship.

I believe that the rate of infidelity is something like 60%.

You're suggesting that more then half the population is amoral and doesn't know right from wrong?
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Old 05-09-2012, 10:58 AM   #53 (permalink)
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That's a rather generalized blanket statement that is in no way representative of every person that ever strayed within a relationship.

I believe that the rate of infidelity is something like 60%.

You're suggesting that more then half the population is amoral and doesn't know right from wrong?
Then you ate suggesting that 60% know right from wrong, but deliberately choose to cheat. That doesn't speak very well of the morals or integrity of that 60%
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Old 05-09-2012, 11:00 AM   #54 (permalink)
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Then you ate suggesting that 60% know right from wrong, but deliberately choose to cheat. That doesn't speak very well of the morals or integrity of that 60%
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I bet most people would keep a 100 bucks if they found it on the street without making any effort to return it.

Surveys show that most people would steal or commit adultery if they knew they would get away with it.

Yes, most people lack morality and integrity. Doesn't mean they're necessarily bad parents and should be given limited time with their kids.
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Old 05-09-2012, 11:32 AM   #55 (permalink)
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I bet most people would keep a 100 bucks if they found it on the street without making any effort to return it.

Surveys show that most people would steal or commit adultery if they knew they would get away with it.

Yes, most people lack morality and integrity. Doesn't mean they're necessarily bad parents and should be given limited time with their kids.


What you want to prove her? Cheaters are the best parents?

I have seen this best parents hoping out of home to bang OM/OW without thinking a SH!T about their children. You read the threads posted here by BS and tell me which WS cared for their kids.
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Old 05-09-2012, 12:31 PM   #56 (permalink)
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If something were to happen to me, I would have no problem with my ex raising our two kids. She's morally bankrupt as a wife; however, she's still a great mother to the children.

She may have fallen out of love with me but she has never stopped loving her kids.

Chalk this up to the ability to compartmentalize different aspects of their lives. So I would not make a blanket statement that cheaters are bad parents. That would be akin to saying that someone who cheats on his or her taxes is an unfit individual in other aspects of their lives.

Trust me, I think the worst about my wife because of what she did to the family. But I'm not ready to tar and feather her -- at least not yet.
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Old 05-09-2012, 12:34 PM   #57 (permalink)
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So I would not make a blanket statement that cheaters are bad parents. That would be akin to saying that someone who cheats on his or her taxes is an unfit individual in other aspects of their lives.
Same here

Cheating does not equate to being a bad parent.

People that are hurt by cheaters tend to see the person in black and white terms as in "all bad". In reality the two things (parenting ability and being a loyal devoted partner) are not related.
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Old 05-09-2012, 02:02 PM   #58 (permalink)
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I agree that cheaters aren't necessarily bad parents. They are just not the 'best' parents.

If everything else is equal between two parents, but one was faithful and the other wasn't, then if they are deciding who is the best parent for the kids, then I would suggest the faithful parent is 'best'.

The problem is in regards to determining that everything else is equal.
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Old 05-09-2012, 02:31 PM   #59 (permalink)
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If everything else is equal between two parents, but one was faithful and the other wasn't, then if they are deciding who is the best parent for the kids, then I would suggest the faithful parent is 'best'..
All other things are never equal, cheating doesn't make one person a worser parent than a faithful one, and unless you're a court appointed custody evaluator it doesn't matter what you suggest.
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Old 05-09-2012, 02:40 PM   #60 (permalink)
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I disagee with this. Cheaters by their very nature are selfish and liars. So how can they possibly be good parents?
The same way the vast majority of non-cheating selfish liars are still good parents.
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