For almost two years (I've only known less than a year) my wife has engaged in an affair that began as emotional but progressed to physical. Last physical contact was 2 weeks ago.
I have done literally everything I know to do. This guy was a friend of mine - although he was always sketchy to me and I suspected he wanted my wife. He has said/done everything to get her to leave me...he makes more money than me, etc...He is now leaving his wife and getting divorced. I believe he has no designs on letting up his pursuit of her.
We are in counseling but she won't stop calling/answering his calls. I am at the end. I don't want a divorce because I love my family. I have 4 young children and don't want them devastated. But her behavior is unacceptable...
She has left you no choice. You know what you must do. Get a really good lawyer.
Sorry for the pain. You will survive and thrive with this malignant woman gone. But, it will take some time to start feeling better.
It's good he makes money. My DREAM is for my wife to find a rich man. I know she'll leave me my kids (and adultery should give you primary custody). It would be all good. But I'm already over the shock that my wife doesn't love me anymore. You still have to go through it. My wife dragged it out. Consider it good that it slapped you in the face. It's all about healing for you from now on. Acceptance stage is over.
Do her parents, and all of your mutual friends, including his parents, know all about it?
As you've discovered the hard way, MC is a fail with 3 people in the marriage.
Divorce papers and full exposure of the affair are your last ditch recourse.
Now that he's free, however, I doubt it will have any effect. But you've got nothing to lose so you may as well.
If you haven't exposed, don't tell her in advance. Just do it the hour before you present divorce papers.
But she has betrayed your trust beyond the point that many cheaters go; she is apparently doing this without a care that you know. How you can ever believe another word she says is something you should give long hard consideration. Posted via Mobile Device
I am so sorry you are here. Now I know you are hurting and say you don't want a divorce because you love your family; but, you don't love yourself enough to have any respect for yourself! Do you really think the current situation at home is good for your kids or that the example you and your wife are setting is positive? I have three things to say to you:
1) MAN UP!
2) MAN UP!
3) MAN UP!
File for divorce immediately and have her served. Maybe the shock will bring her to reality and she'll reconsider the affair (Why in heaven's name you would want her is beside me) If not you are one more step closer to healing from this misery.
The only way to end an affair that has gone one this long is to drive her towards the OM (other man). Once are alone and have to depend on each other for all of their emotional needs to be met the affair will not last. Affairs are fantasies, they die when they are faced with real life.
You have been enabling the affair. The reason that your wife has not left you is that she still needs the things you do for her and the needs of hers you meet. Once the OM has to do all of this … POOF no more affair.
Your best bet is see an attorney to start divorce papers. Then tell her that you want her to leave as she is causing too much pain for you and the children. Do not allow her to take your children from the family home. And do not move out of the family home yourself.
You cannot make her leave legally. But you can sure encourage her to leave if she will not end the affair on the spot.
It’s time for you to play hardball. Up to now you have helped her keep this affair and only hurt yourself by being an indulging ‘nice guy’.
There is nothing like reality to kill the fantasy that is an affair. Show her to the door and let the OM take care of her while you keep the kids. Chances are good that the OM is only after her for the sex and once he has the responsibility of taking care of her, his desire for her will disappear and dump her to the curve, like most OM do.
In the meantime read and implement the principles embodied in Just Let Them Go and The 180 degree rules. You may also want to go to the forum of Dads divorce to check the do's and don'ts of men who have gone through divorce.
Lastly, women - in general - are not sexually attracted to weak, fearful men. They ARE sexually attracted to men who refuse to be their doormat and who will dump them when they become disrespectful.
180 plan is for you, look it up on this site, it'll help.
My X did the same thing, she had plans to run away w/ this guy but he told her it was a waste, don't come. I know it hurt her so she just found another. She never once was sorry, she always laughed @ my pain....but now I'm free and she's SOL. Good luck friend, we're here to help you!!
Mouse
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Wife won't end affair 
