Guys I appreciate the advice, it has been really helpful. I think overall it is the "man up part" that I need to start doing and moving on with my life. It's been 10 months living apart and she has not even shown a little bit of interest in us. She sees the kids 2 days a week for 5 hours a day and that's it. Her choice not mine. The thing that concerns me is that filing for divorce the chances are I would have to share custody kids with her and I do not want to. It is not to punish her or anything like that, I love having my kids full time, I am a proud parent and cherish it. But why should I have to spend less time with my kids because of her infidelity? I do not deserve to see my kids 50% of the time. I am a good father, I want my kids all the time because I deserve it. So divorce scares me in that aspect.
Did you keep a journal of how much you took care of the kids and how little she saw them?
You're already the primary care giver, if you can prove it at the court you will very likely get primary custody.
This is the hardest thing I have ever had to go through in my life and my life is far from perfect. I keep a journal of how much time she spends with them. I do not keep receipts of anything tho, should I start keeping receipts. The kids are with me 100% of the time. Honestly if it wasn't for my mom to watch the kids like she does I would never been able to do this on my own. It's nice to have help. I just don't have the finances to pay for child care right now. I am taking all the burden right now, she only gives me $160 month. It's nothing.
This is the hardest thing I have ever had to go through in my life and my life is far from perfect. I keep a journal of how much time she spends with them. I do not keep receipts of anything tho, should I start keeping receipts. The kids are with me 100% of the time. Honestly if it wasn't for my mom to watch the kids like she does I would never been able to do this on my own. It's nice to have help. I just don't have the finances to pay for child care right now. I am taking all the burden right now, she only gives me $160 month. It's nothing.
Yes, find all of the receipts, bank statements, anything and everything. Document each and every action you take and anything your wife doesn't take. Find all emails, texts proving you are getting a very small money, how she rarely visit's them, how you do all of the activites of the kids, etc.
Hap
Go for a consult with an attorney. Tell the attorney you want 100% custody.
I would think if the kids live with you, your wife spends maximum 10 hours a week with them and she barely covers the costs that you can get full custody with a good attorney.
Document everything.
I bet your wife does not want custody by the way she has been acting the lasts 10 months.
She doesn't live with him anymore.. sometimes I can't even breathe when thinking about this. I wish she wasn't the mother of my kids so I wouldn't have to see her anymore. Is that wrong to think like that? We had a great family, sometimes I just want to scream at her and yell " Are you happy now! Look at what you did! " but I just find some activity to do until my anger passes. This is so hard for me to grasp and put into perspective. I would never do this, ever. Our marriage vows, am I wrong to break them even tho she has broken them? Is divorce the answer? I feel like I am giving up by filing.
what is so wrong to give up on someone who wants you to ? she has given up !!! this is a woman who not only left her husband, but walked out on her kids. mother and child is suppose to be the strongest bond there is. where is her maternal instints, the constant need to nuture an protect her children ?? It's buried under the strong desire to be away from you, and her wants for strange. So you are not giving up, you are accepting her decision. By letting her go, you can start your healing. You do this by accepting, that as a mature parent, you have a duty to your kids to be a whole man, in mind, spirit, and body. Sure you are angry, hurt and disappointed. So read "Just Let Them Go", an the 180. Life, is about change, and growth.
She doesn't live with him anymore.. sometimes I can't even breathe when thinking about this. I wish she wasn't the mother of my kids so I wouldn't have to see her anymore. Is that wrong to think like that? We had a great family, sometimes I just want to scream at her and yell " Are you happy now! Look at what you did! " but I just find some activity to do until my anger passes. This is so hard for me to grasp and put into perspective. I would never do this, ever. Our marriage vows, am I wrong to break them even tho she has broken them? Is divorce the answer? I feel like I am giving up by filing.
Giving up???? No you are not giving up. Wait, yes you are. You are giving up on a wife that has no respect or love for you or your children. You are giving up on a marriage that has been a joke for years. You are giving up on a woman who is not trust worthy and is unstable. You are giving up on a person who a terrible roll model for your children.
By filing for divorce you are finally taking control of your well being and that of your children. You are taking control of the fear that has held you hostage for so long. You are taking control of your life and your family's future. You are doing what is best.
Guys I appreciate the advice, it has been really helpful. I think overall it is the "man up part" that I need to start doing and moving on with my life. It's been 10 months living apart and she has not even shown a little bit of interest in us. She sees the kids 2 days a week for 5 hours a day and that's it. Her choice not mine. The thing that concerns me is that filing for divorce the chances are I would have to share custody kids with her and I do not want to. It is not to punish her or anything like that, I love having my kids full time, I am a proud parent and cherish it. But why should I have to spend less time with my kids because of her infidelity? I do not deserve to see my kids 50% of the time. I am a good father, I want my kids all the time because I deserve it. So divorce scares me in that aspect.
10 months of abandonment: you have an excellent chance at full custody.
She doesn't live with him anymore.. sometimes I can't even breathe when thinking about this. I wish she wasn't the mother of my kids so I wouldn't have to see her anymore. Is that wrong to think like that? We had a great family, sometimes I just want to scream at her and yell " Are you happy now! Look at what you did! " but I just find some activity to do until my anger passes. This is so hard for me to grasp and put into perspective. I would never do this, ever. Our marriage vows, am I wrong to break them even tho she has broken them? Is divorce the answer? I feel like I am giving up by filing.
You are not giving up by filing.
I can totally understand why you are waffling. You love her and took your vows seriously.
I am in the same boat. My husband had an affair. He is still lying about so many things I asked myself daily why I am even attempting an R.
I need to man up, too, even though I am a woman. I don't know why I don't just give him the boot and move on.
I am attractive and men flirt with me all the time. I never take the bait, and still won't. Not until I am divorced. I won't allow my husband to force me to the dark side.
He wants that, too. He keeps encouraging me to have an affair.....WTF.
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Re: Confused and left wondering what next 
