Well, I am not the type to get close to anyone quickly. The only way I can talk about this on this forum is because none of you know me, which, with all the support for someone none of you know, really restores a bit of faith in humanity.
I don't make friends easily because of trust issues. So I take people at face value and if they show no ill intention or amoral behavior then I get more comfortable.
I knew OM for 20 years....he knew what he did to me and my marriage...and his marriage I guess. I don't expect people to do this to me. I dont trust easily. I was blindsided both times.
I'm more referring to things you knew already, like this:
Quote:
They had a F'd up sex life....threeways, gang stuff and the like.
So, maybe people who are into that lifestyle are not people you want anywhere near you and your wife. Or people that you know have a history of cheating or promiscuity...those are the people who lack boundaries. Those people are the wolves in wolves' clothing, not sheep's clothing.
If you know full well they don't share your values and boundaries, perhaps they are not the best people to be close to and invite into your life and home.
Well...I asked her about the content. She said she didn't know he was taking video because she was focused on S-ing his D. He showed her immediately after and she said she told him to delete it.
It's not that I am not skeptical and I am asking questions that I don't want to know the answers to and at the same time I don't want to be left to my own imagination.
I think tonight I will put all of this on the table.....no more trickle truth.....all or nothing. I will ask her to take me through each time....start to finish....no more piecing this together. I may ask for polygraph just to gauge things.
I am going to suggest an agreement like a pre-nuptial.
I can't believe how exhausting this is.....funny how you forget things in your past until your thrown into it again.
After I take my meds...maybe it will help with having to hear this from start to finish because I can't take anymore half truths.
I'm more referring to things you knew already, like this:
So, maybe people who are into that lifestyle are not people you want anywhere near you and your wife. Or people that you know have a history of cheating or promiscuity...those are the people who lack boundaries. Those people are the wolves in wolves' clothing, not sheep's clothing.
If you know full well they don't share your values and boundaries, perhaps they are not the best people to be close to and invite into your life and home.
I hear you and they knew my position on that kind of sexual behavior. I would say they knew me and my wife's position on this but it is obvious hers changed.
Is it just me or does this stuff seem more prominent....I don't remember this kind of thing being as out there. I sang in a punk rock band....I have been there, done that.....seen things I wish I hadnt and I am no saint. I change my ways and realigned my perspective and then I have to deal with this.
Btw, you need to warn other friends about what this guy likes to do with friends wives. Posted via Mobile Device
I've outed him to my friend in the UK that I talked about in an earlier post. My UK buddy was friends with OM also. I am treading lightly with outing OM because of the video and the legal stuff. Once I have legal legs then I will out the monster. I did find out that taking a video of a person in a private setting without their consent is a felony in my state. It's a start.
I think tonight I will put all of this on the table.....no more trickle truth.....all or nothing. I will ask her to take me through each time....start to finish....no more piecing this together. I may ask for polygraph just to gauge things.
I am going to suggest an agreement like a pre-nuptial.
Before you ask her for the full truth, give her a piece of apper and write each and every detail and you WILL take her to polygraph. If you can show her you're serious about it she will write most if not all the details without even going to the test.
For the post-nup, don't suggest it. She cheated, why do you have to ask for her thoughts? Tell her you want a written agreement if she cheats again she will walk away with nothing from this marriage.
Again her reaction's to these two methods will show if she is truly remorseful and wants to fix the marriage or if she is a fake R, cake eater. Good luck.
Wait a second. Your wife knew about the OM's sexual behavior with his wife engaging in 3 ways and gang sex and she still had sex with him? The chances of picking up STD's in that type of environment is huge. She engaged in sexual activity none the less and continued to put your health at great risk for STD's. This truly is beyond comprehension and unfortunately sends another huge message to you what she really down deep really thinks of you. This is awful.
Seeing OM's wife's reaction, she might well be complicit in his actions. I think you are no where near the truth, nowhere. Ask her to write them out if she is too ashamed/scared to tell you about it. Put heavy emphasis about the dangers of trickle truthing and how you go over the the D-day everytime a new bit of information comes out.
Wait a second. Your wife knew about the OM's sexual behavior with his wife engaging in 3 ways and gang sex and she still had sex with him? The chances of picking up STD's in that type of environment is huge. She engaged in sexual activity none the less and continued to put your health at great risk for STD's. This truly is beyond comprehension and unfortunately sends another huge message to you what she really down deep really thinks of you. This is awful.
she already suggested getting tested. I am going to also.
Before you ask her for the full truth, give her a piece of apper and write each and every detail and you WILL take her to polygraph. If you can show her you're serious about it she will write most if not all the details without even going to the test.
For the post-nup, don't suggest it. She cheated, why do you have to ask for her thoughts? Tell her you want a written agreement if she cheats again she will walk away with nothing from this marriage.
Again her reaction's to these two methods will show if she is truly remorseful and wants to fix the marriage or if she is a fake R, cake eater. Good luck.
This
You have to push her to a threshold. Things like: schedule a polygraph, start calling lawyers, begin a break-up style behaviour (circle ads in the house for rent section in a newspaper,...)
At the moment, they are going through an pre-approved "let's cool off things for the few weeks", just for the show.
Being understanding and helpful is a desired behaviour for a friend or brother, NOT for a lover and husband because it is a relationship based on polarity.
If you would look at a forum for cheaters, you would read things like "I wish he would put his pants on and stop being so understanding", "he still has his doormat behaviour" as well as "he believes me.... what a sucker". Your manly or less than manly behaviour right now, at this very moment, is what will seal the deal for the future. Having said that, your father is right. What he probably did is to not put his pants on and let it slide with years and years of bitterness directed at her as a means of selfdefense, complete with the self-hatred which inevitably arrises from that. You don't need or want that.
she already suggested getting tested. I am going to also.
Just reading this thread and I have something for you to think about? Your wife knew of this guys past with his wife in regards to 3 ways and gang bangs -- r u sure it was just your best friend and your wife (not that it is okay) -- or could she have had sex with him and his wife -- or worse participate in a gang bang ??
Just reading this thread and I have something for you to think about? Your wife knew of this guys past with his wife in regards to 3 ways and gang bangs -- r u sure it was just your best friend and your wife (not that it is okay) -- or could she have had sex with him and his wife -- or worse participate in a gang bang ??
No I know when they were getting together....OMW was at work and they were alone.
Even though I know when....I am going to ask anyway.
Let's not get near blaming Mr. H for exposing his wife to these people. He did not put handcuffs on his wife and lead her over to the BF's house. She knew these people were into an alternative lifestyle and she chose to go behind her husband's back and screw the POS. She did it because it was dangerous, exciting and a change of pace from a life that she viewed as monotonous. She thought she could outsmart her hsuband, but he developed the BS's radar from the first time he got burned by his ex, and he knew something was up.
Mr. H has no blame in this. His former best friend's lifestyle was that guy's business, not his; but Mrs. H decided to make it her business. Posted via Mobile Device
She could have done the same without the wife. Maybe what she confessed was the tip of the iceberg. Stay wary and Keep your eyes open, wide open.
I am being cautious and still asking questions. I know the time frame. My wife and I text back and forth periodically and during the time frame....I can go back through my texts and just about pinpoint the day and time. The lapse in time that she texted me back on certain days told a story.
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Re: My wife cheated with my best friend 
