MrArachnid

I just want to feel normal. I don't want to be a codependent. I don't know what to do.

I have counseling on Thursday I will probably be able to get more answers from him. I have been seeing him since 2006.

jh52

You and her have a kid ??

MrArachnid

I know I have gotten good advice. I am trying. I never used to be this pathetic.

MrArachnid

yeah...I have one son from the other cheating ***** and a son with this one.

norajane

It's not uncommon for a BS to react in exactly that way at first - to want to restore their life, or to try to keep it intact. You might change your mind about that, more than a few times, as you progress through this. That's part of the process, too.

MrArachnid

I have an 8 year old son that has known my current wife half his life and a 3 yr old son.

jh52

I don't say this lightly -- but I would think about getting DNA tests on both your sons. If the son you have with the "new" wife -- is not yours -- you may have bigger/longer term problems.

Almostrecovered

You'll get some blunt advice from some posters, because we all go thru the same process in varying degrees.

I have no problem if you want to R but you need to do it from strength not desperation.

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bandit.45

Ahh, its normal. You're just tired and worn out. Take some sleeping pills and go to bed. You'll feel better and stronger when you wake up.
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BigLiam

You are not pathetic. You have been severely traumatized, twice now. I imagine your whole world view has been shaken.
I have been through this twice.as well, and the second time was more traumatic. It opened up an old wound and really had me messed up.
Read that "Let Them Go" thread. It really is spot on, IMO.

Hang in there and rely on whatever friends and family you can.

chapparal

Have you read Married Man Sex Life yet? You will find a lot of answers her to what has happend to your marriage and what to do going forward, reconcilliation or divorce.

Good luck, stay strong, you WILL make it.

Machiavelli

That's still not quite nuclear.

MrArachnid

I haven't read it yet. OUr sex life wasn't the issue...as a matter of fact, she is much younger than me....15 years younger. She had never had a vaginal orgasm until me. With age comes experience and she knew nothing about sensuality. The problems that we had before this still need to be addressed...I am aware of that but I told her last night that I cannot talk about anything previous to our current situation because I am not going to feel blame for this.

I will get the book....I am a reader and I am willing to read anything that will help me help us.

MrArachnid

Yeah....I spent a year on probation when I was 21 because of a defcon 1 nuclear event.

MrArachnid

I know. The meds seem to be helping me think straight. And I am not on a constant freak out.

I do want R but you are exactly right...I need to want it standing with my head on and not on my knees feeling like I caused it.