Originally Posted by Will_Kane
She told me they were together a few times and she started to feel guilty and broke it off. After she told him it was over, he came over to our house to tell her he loved her....she told me that she yelled at him...told him to get the F out and not to bother her anymore.
This one thing doesn't make sense to me. Your wife describes the other man as raping her and threatening her. You describe other man as someone who was just out to use your wife sexually. If so, after your wife broke it off, why would other man come to your house proclaiming his love for her, especially knowing the butt-kicking you were capable of giving him?
Or did this part of your wife's story, about him coming over and telling her he loved her, turn out to be a lie?
No, since all this has come out she has been on the up and up....at first she was dodgy about the information but since our counseling sessions and the books I have been reading (which she is reading also) she has been clear as crystal about anything I ask. She is understanding the importance.
I questioned her recently about there being an EA prior to the PA and she agreed that he filled a need I wasn't...which I knew to be true....I do not blame myself for this. She had never tried to sit me down before the PA and have a conversation about it. We had our arguments and thinking back it was alot of pent of frustrations that should have been brought out and I should have been more willing to listen.
As for the rape/mistreatment, she said that she fell into his Bull about being sorry for being demanding and forceful and trying to be friends and nothing more. She said she trusted that and he took advantage of the fact that they were alone and no one knew what was going on. She said in a way she felt she deserved it for allowing the affair and just stopped caring about herself. knowing her as well as I do, I can see this being true. She admitted that the first few times she was a willing participant.....and then he became something else.
I talked with an old girlfriend of mine from 20 years ago on facebook. When she and I started dating was when I became friends with the OM. She told me then that she didn't like him and that I shouldn't hang out with him....so I complied for a while. My exGF was never forthright about why she didn't want me to hang out with him......so I asked her recently. It turns out that the OM had basically sexually assaulted her on a blind date that , as she put it, wasn't really a date. She has no reason to lie to me and knows nothing about my recent events. So apparently there is history of this type of thing from him.
I don't think my wife is lying about her mistreatment and I think she is being honest that even though she said no....she felt like she deserved it. I told her that she needs to do what all good counsel tells victims of abuse and that is to detail in writing what the abuser did, why it was wrong, etc. She is going to do that. We still have to send our No Contact letters.....we had them written and then started researching state law and found that there are somethings we have to do to make this more substantial.