Re: My wife cheated with my best friend
I have no problem with the concept of watching each others' backs. Yet, to me, that seems entirely different that watching my spouse for signs of danger that he or she is inviting into the relationship.
The stats on infidelity vary , but I agree it is much more prevalent than I had ever imagined. Yet, the frequency is not so great that it is impossible to find someone that would not go down that road,IMO.
I think a lot of my philosophy on this stems from the fact that i do not subscribe to the dopamine/limerance theory all that much. I know chemicals are released. But, I also know that before a person gets to that stage where her brain is being bombarded with these chemicals, she has to take a lot of interim steps, consciously.
The best thing I think I can do is to go very slowly in courtship,postponing intimacy until i feel i really know the person and her history. There are signs, sometimes, in a person's history and attitudes etc that can alert one. I know they are not foolproof, but one can reduce the odds of getting involved with a cheater.
for me, these rare : a lot of promiscuity; any hsitory of any form of infidelity(either with a past partner or having interferred in someone elses relationship) and poor communication skills.
Also, a lack of integrity in other areas, like inconsitencies in stories, or dishonesty in financial or other matters.