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post #106 of 340 (permalink) Old 05-07-2012, 08:47 AM Thread Starter
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Re: My wife cheated with my best friend

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But you do have to turn it on and off and you have to stay on the right place. Besides, a normal reaction would be to freak and demand it be deleted. She did neither. So, I think she's covering for herself.
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Well, I know how well lit his house is so it is possible to have made a video without worrying about that.

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post #107 of 340 (permalink) Old 05-07-2012, 08:47 AM
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Re: My wife cheated with my best friend

during R my wife and I agreed to have talks every day where we would be radically honest with each other- the catch was that the other could not get defensive over the truth but would calmly explain the feelings they brought

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post #108 of 340 (permalink) Old 05-07-2012, 08:52 AM Thread Starter
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Re: My wife cheated with my best friend

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MrA, at a time when your world has gone completely insane, and the the two people you counted on have proven that you cannot count on them, you are behaving in an extraordinarily rational fashion. I commend you. Don't be surprised when you have spells where this is not the case. I sense that you have a great deal of self control, in which you take pride. Be prepared for that self control to crack from time to time. It's all right when it does. That's part of your healing. You really can't know where this is going. Give it time. You're gonna be fine in the long term.
Thank you....the hardest part of all of this is the only friend I have I can talk to, and have, is in the UK. And he and I used to be really close before he moved. He is/was also friends with the OM.....and he talked to me alot about things I didn't know.

I am trying very hard ....i break down more often than I have admitted on here....I am a supervisor at work and I hate that I am having to find someplace to hide to cry......when it seems I am not even thinking about it.
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post #109 of 340 (permalink) Old 05-07-2012, 08:54 AM
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Re: My wife cheated with my best friend

any vacation time available?

also you may be surprised how understanding your boss will be if you tell them you need time for what has happened

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post #110 of 340 (permalink) Old 05-07-2012, 08:55 AM
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Well, I know how well lit his house is so it is possible to have made a video without worrying about that.
All the sex was in the daytime then? At least you were spared the pain of watching it.
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post #111 of 340 (permalink) Old 05-07-2012, 09:00 AM
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Re: My wife cheated with my best friend

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Thank you....the hardest part of all of this is the only friend I have I can talk to, and have, is in the UK. And he and I used to be really close before he moved. He is/was also friends with the OM.....and he talked to me alot about things I didn't know.

I am trying very hard ....i break down more often than I have admitted on here....I am a supervisor at work and I hate that I am having to find someplace to hide to cry......when it seems I am not even thinking about it.
Are you on antidepressants? Have you made a dr. appt?
Being on them is not a sign of weakness. It is a medicine that will help you focus your energy on making good choices, seeing things clearly rather than pure emotional reactions.

We have all been there. You take us back to those moments with your words. We can relate 1000%.
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post #112 of 340 (permalink) Old 05-07-2012, 09:05 AM
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Re: My wife cheated with my best friend

Getting to the doctor for antidepressents is a good thing.

But you also need intensive counseling for the PTSD. Getting hit with this betrayal twice in your life must be unbelievably painful.

One thing I would address in counseling, is finding out why you tend to pick and fall in love with women who are like this. Maybe you are just unlucky, but I think there is something that attracts you to self-destructive, selfish women, and you need to root it out and deal with it.
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post #113 of 340 (permalink) Old 05-07-2012, 09:07 AM Thread Starter
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Re: My wife cheated with my best friend

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during R my wife and I agreed to have talks every day where we would be radically honest with each other- the catch was that the other could not get defensive over the truth but would calmly explain the feelings they brought

We also agreed to doing that.....no attitude only calm resolve...its been working so far. Personally, I think that my attitude and demeanor over this has caused her to be more remorseful than she has been showing.
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post #114 of 340 (permalink) Old 05-07-2012, 09:10 AM Thread Starter
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Re: My wife cheated with my best friend

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Are you on antidepressants? Have you made a dr. appt?
Being on them is not a sign of weakness. It is a medicine that will help you focus your energy on making good choices, seeing things clearly rather than pure emotional reactions.

We have all been there. You take us back to those moments with your words. We can relate 1000%.

Yes I am going to the Dr. today after work. My friend in the UK told me yesterday that I need to go...he knows my history and I know he's right.


I know I am venting/expressing my feelings and thoughts....I am sorry if it is bringing up pain for others.
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post #115 of 340 (permalink) Old 05-07-2012, 09:12 AM
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Re: My wife cheated with my best friend

dont be sorry that's why I am here and why the board exists


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post #116 of 340 (permalink) Old 05-07-2012, 09:15 AM Thread Starter
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Re: My wife cheated with my best friend

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Getting to the doctor for antidepressents is a good thing.

But you also need intensive counseling for the PTSD. Getting hit with this betrayal twice in your life must be unbelievably painful.

One thing I would address in counseling, is finding out why you tend to pick and fall in love with women who are like this. Maybe you are just unlucky, but I think there is something that attracts you to self-destructive, selfish women, and you need to root it out and deal with it.
PTSD? I have seen others post this too....I guess I would not have thought of that in relation to this.

Yeah, I had done alot of healing through counseling over the previous betrayal....and ALL of those feelings came back....like my hands and feet were tied and I was thrown in to a pool. I see the same counselor and have for years when needed so he knows what has happened to me and I guess I do need to address the self-destructive issues and choices of mates.
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post #117 of 340 (permalink) Old 05-07-2012, 09:19 AM
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Re: My wife cheated with my best friend

you get definite PSTD symptoms when you get hit so hard with betrayal. Read the see your doctor link in my signature and I'll bet you are experiencing most of the symptoms I list.

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post #118 of 340 (permalink) Old 05-07-2012, 09:21 AM Thread Starter
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Re: My wife cheated with my best friend

If she really wasn't aware of the video and did in fact insist that it be deleted.....is there any legal recourse if the OM does something stupid...like post it? I know that you can save things to the SD card and make it look like you deleted it. My wife is not all that tech savvy so she may have believed something that was not the facts.
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post #119 of 340 (permalink) Old 05-07-2012, 09:26 AM
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Re: My wife cheated with my best friend

Honestly I am shocked that your wife knew that your previous marriage ended when your wife had sex with your best friend. The fact that she would engage in a sexual affair with your best friend again knowing how incredible painful this would be to you aside from the double betrayal says a great deal about her and sends a powerful message to you. I think you know what that message is. Good luck.
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post #120 of 340 (permalink) Old 05-07-2012, 09:27 AM Thread Starter
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Re: My wife cheated with my best friend

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you get definite PSTD symptoms when you get hit so hard with betrayal. Read the see your doctor link in my signature and I'll bet you are experiencing most of the symptoms I list.

OH....yeah that is what is going on. the shaking while in panic mode is the hardest to deal with because it hits me with no rhyme or reason. I have many employees under me and part of being a supervisor is that people tell you what is going on in their lives, whether you want to hear it or not, and I had to excuse myself when an employee was in the middle of telling me about something that happened to him and it was not related to my issue....I felt like an @$$ for telling him to hold on a minute...while I went to my office to calm down.
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