OHM - your story makes me conflicted, you say one true thing, he deserves the chance to make the decision, everything else about your story stinks. You were a devoted wife - for 4.5 months, while pregnant, wow! You did not mean to deceive him - yet in 9 months he figured it out on his own, but you had no clue?
I only care because as somone else stated, tricking a man into raising a child that he though he fathered is the lowest, most disrespectful thing you can do, and your response plays the victim card too strongly. He dropped you like a hot potato not because the child was not his - because he was lied into believing it was his. Many men, including your husband I am sure, could raise a child that was not theirs. Not many men could stomache the type of deceit you describe.
You are not the victim - your baby and your husband are. Your baby deserves a father who willingly goes into the process, not a duped good-guy. Your husband deserves a child (biological or not) that he is not tricked into being with. You are the culprit - maybe not as culpable as KateJ, but in no means an innocent party.
Like I said, I am conflicted, you seem to acknowledge your culpability, but not completely own it. Otherwise, your sentence would read "he [rightfully] dropped [me] like a hot potato."
No way he can figure out the baby was not his with you having no suspicion.
If you read back, you'll notice that she got pregnant before she got married and she and her boyfriend (future husband) were separated. Granted that her irregular menstrual cycles may have lead her to believe that she was indeed pregnant with her boyfriend (future husband's) child. What she doesn't make clear is whether she informed her boyfriend (future husband) that she had unprotected sex with another man during their separation. From the looks of it, it seems that she didn't otherwise he would have had some doubts as to the paternity of the child. But unlike KateJ, she didn't get pregnant after she got married and contemplated deceiving her husband into believing that the child is his. So equating her situation with KateJ is simply not right.
Just to be clear.. I'm not looking for positive affirmation for my own life. I'm a good woman and mother and nobody will convince me otherwise. I don't need anyone to take my side, and my story is open to interpretation I suppose. There's only so much you can tell about someone from what they write on the Internet, and I realize my situation doesn't necessarily shed much light on the kind of person I really am. You are all entitled to your opinions. I'm just saying, I put myself out there in hopes of keeping someone else from repeating my mistake and having to deal with the hardships to come if she continues to lie. It's not easy for me to be so frank about what has happened to my marriage, it's actually somewhat embarrassing, but I have the best intentions in doing so. Posted via Mobile Device
So she's still just looking out for herself only. Nice, she's gonna cheat on him again. No remorse at all, it's still only about her, so sad for the husband.
And now she's gonna do away with the baby to save her own @ss.
OHM, I agree with you about those posters who make those worthless, snarky, smartassed comments, but this is a public forum, and you're always going to have idiots who talk before they think. I hope that Kate understands that they are not the majority of posters. Most posters are truly trying to help.
So she's still just looking out for herself only. Nice, she's gonna cheat on him again. No remorse at all, it's still only about her, so sad for the husband.
And now she's gonna do away with the baby to save her own @ss.
We, Kate, and everybody else, already know the situation, don't we? Do you have any useful suggestions on HOW she should tell him?
Badblood that's my point.. I'm just trying to help. This is the fate of someones marriage we are dealing with. Not to mention the life of the child. I don't want to say anything to convince her to abort the child. Regardless of the circumstances, every baby is a precious gift and the child is not doomed to have a bad life by any means. Posted via Mobile Device
Kate, if you are still lurking, I would suggest that you try "Marriage Builders". The Harley's have helped a great many marriages , even those that involved children fathered by the AP, and they have a remarkable record of success.
Or instead of giving the baby up for adoption..tell the truth, face the consequences.. And bust a$$ to create the best life possible for that baby. It's not the end of the world. Posted via Mobile Device
@MrsKY... No. I hope she's someone that is a real person in a real situation looking for real advice. I also hope she takes some of the constructive criticism and make the best choice for her family.
Kate, you've wanted a baby for a long time. Could you really abort him/her?
Isn't there some way you could go to counseling with your husband and confess all with a firm commitment to figure out through therapy why you cheated? I'm scared you lose it all here, your honor, dignity, baby and husband. Isn't there some part of you that would like a true marriage? Posted via Mobile Device
Kate, I have to say that I feel so sorry for you, your husband, and your baby. I will now speak to you as if you were my daughter. You really messed up, girl. No matter what you do from here there will be emotional fallout for the rest of your life. No easy way out. The previous posters have given you a pretty good summation of the various scenarios. You could get a CVS (not the drug store) at 11-12 wks to determine paternity, if you can find a doctor who would do it for that indication. In any event, your life will go on. You will have to take responsibility for having created this mess, but you can learn from it and you can be a better person for the experience. I wish you a good life. And I also pray for you and the others you have involved in this tragedy.
I think she's a real person in a very difficult position. This situation is actually not all that uncommon, unfortunately. She needs to be honest, but making her feel like her situation is hopeless no matter what is not going to convince her to do the right thing. She needs to know that she can tell the truth, keep the baby, and everything can and will be okay eventually. As long as she doesn't repeat her behavior.. Posted via Mobile Device
Kate, you've wanted a baby for a long time. Could you really abort him/her?
Isn't there some way you could go to counseling with your husband and confess all with a firm commitment to figure out through therapy why you cheated? I'm scared you lose it all here, your honor, dignity, baby and husband. Isn't there some part of you that would like a true marriage? Posted via Mobile Device
I understand the desire to have this work out but I`m telling you there are very VERY VERY few men in this world who would have any other reaction than an immediate loss of all love and empathy for his wife.
There are even fewer men who would even consider raising a child he knows was conceived by another man while his wife was cheating on her.
I`ve read threads where it happened but it`s just so unlikely as to not even be a consideration.
She has the baby and he finds out she`s done, divorced and gone.
She has the baby but tells her husband she`s done, divorced and gone.
Considering they have been trying in vain to conceive if she tells him and she plans to abort, he`s most likely to divorce and be gone.
I suppose she could abort and come clean about the affair but never tell her husband about the pregnancy but she`s unlikely to do that.
The ONLY way she has a fair chance of keeping her marriage is to abort and never tell her husband (I`m not advocating this, just telling it like it is) and keeping her husband seems to be her most important goal.
Either way complete honesty is likely to find her being served divorce papers
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Re: Pregnant. might not be husbands 
