How do you sleep.with a man without protection. What if he had stds. I find it mind boggling. Not once not twice but five or six times. Unbelievable.
Mind boggling? Hardly.
Semen contains mood elevating chemicals which are absorbed into the bloodstream. Rubbers defeat a goodly portion of the post-coital bliss. Secondly, the intent here, consciously or not, was to become pregnant by the OM and pass the spawn off as the BH's legitimate heir. Rubbers defeat that, too.
I don't want to pile on but he is going to know. I really think it will be obvious soon enough. People are going to notice and say the baby has "mom's features" and he'll put it together.
And Onehotmama its more than disingenuous to say DNA doesn't matter when it is your child. DNA absolutely does matter. Its shameful you are making the divorce messy after making your husband spend time and money raising another man's child for 9 months. You would think out of at least guilt you would make it easy. You have no right to complain about him moving on.
I've made my mistakes but I've never been one to hold double standards. Onehotmama acts like the victim when she is the one completely in the wrong. That said KateJ is even worse than her if she lies about the paternity. Tell your husband. Let him have a say in his future. Let your alleged friend have a say in the life of his child.
God Kate you are so very selfish and self-centered only thinking about you, you made a massive mistake now you have to own up to it as an adult. Forget you, your husband, or the other man; the child has the right to know who his/her biological father is. The bio-dad dies not need to be the child's father/dad. It's important because it very could be a life and death issue - you child has the right to know now and later their maternal and paternal medical histories, access to family for possible tissue, blood, organ donations - and so much more.
Look, odd are that the truth will come out, better now than latter. Posted via Mobile Device
Onehotmama hasn't got a clue if she thinks its not about DNA. If this was true, then why wasn't her husbands DNA good enough for her, why did she seek from elsewh0re - sorry elsewhere.
It's true that a man can love a child that's not his - check out the millions of stepdads who love the kids they look after, but to pretend that the dna doesn't matter is clearly an ignorant statement coming from someone who merely 'wishes' it didn't matter.
I know other people have already mentioned this but you put yourself at serious risk for STDs. Please get an STD test. Wait at least 4 months from the time you cheated and get a type specific blood test for herpes. Most people don't wait the proper amount of time and it's usually not included in the standard STD panel. About 15-20% of our population has genital herpes, and most don't know they have it. Also, get a PAP to check for HPV. About 50% or more of our population will get HPV at some point, and there is no test for men. Again, most don't know if they have it or not. You need to wait at least 6 months before you will know if you have HIV or not. Tell your doctor about the affair so he or she can tell you how to proceed with your pregnancy.
What Kate did was wrong and she's being incredibly selfish. But this is a support forum. We give our opinions here without sugar coating, but we shouldn't insult people. What you said was just unnecessarily mean.
That's my opinion, others can disagree if they want.
I think it was necessarily mean.
Kid gloves doesn't work with this kind of person.
Sometimes we have to be honest, even if that means making others feel bad about themselves or their views or their actions.
You correctly pointed out that this is a support forum, and 90% of these threads are made up of geuine support for both BS and DS, but you need to remember that we can only support those who want to be helped.
We're not looking for someone who is broken and uses their situation to be carried along in life, we're here for people who have issues and genuinely want to move forward.
KateJ is just about salvaging her own ass and has no regard for her husband or her unborn child. She doesn't want to be 'fixed' she just wants a quick get out of jail free card.
We don't play that here. She is broken and wants to be carried by others.
As far as I'm concerned Genuine support is off the table.
Not to get on your case Kate but I just realized you slept with the guy 6 times.....hardly a mistake. That's an incredibly callous thing to do and I don't understand how you put "I love my husband" in the same post? Clearly if that was the case, you wouldn't have done it again,again,again,again and again. This is an issue beyond being pregnant with another man's child, do you really think your husband deserves someone who has such little regard for him and was so selfish that they've decided to bring a baby into this word that will always be a reminder for you for the relationship you destroyed.
Even if you decide to have the baby and your husband agrees to raise it, it will be a constant trigger for him and any semblance of happiness will be wiped out when he realizes where it came from. And if you decide to abort you'll be forever traumatized and resentful towards your husband.
Please please do not be harsh when reading this. I love my husband and we have been together since we were 17. We've been married for 4 years now. We've had our ups and downs like any couple but i've never stopped loving him.
A couple years ago he had and an emotional affair with some woman he worked with. I was a good wife and i took him back but i don't think i ever forgave him. we haven't been super happy for the last two years or so. my husband has been sort of detached and become a work-aholic. i've been lonely and i made a couple mistakes.
Last december we decided to try to have a baby and I went off the pill. we've been trying to conceive without much luck. In march I went to see meet up with some old friends for a weekend. i made a terrible mistake and i had a few too many drinks and i ended up in bed with one of my friends. we slept together six times that weekend. I came home and I realized how big of a mistake i made and i'm trying to make amends.
Two weeks ago I found out that I was pregnant. I'm 6 weeks right now which is right around the time I cheated. I'm so scared. I'm pretty sure its not my hubby's. we tried for months without any luck and sure enough the one time i stray I end up pregnant. I don't know what to do. there is a chance it could be my husbands. I slept with him right after i got back from the trip. We really want the baby and he wouldn't understand me getting an abortion. I don't want to confess and I don't want to abort my baby.
We just bought a house and we both so badly want a child. I don't want my mistake to ruin our lives. I just need some advice and guidance on what to do.
oh well. at least now you're equal.
He cheated, you cheated.
You were both conscious [drunk or not doesn't matter] especially you slept with him 6 TIMES!!
I don't see how this marriage can work from now on.
You had an affair, and could quite possibly be Knocked up with OM's kid. You are going to ruin so many lives its not funny, all becuase you are a COWARD!
If you love your husband (like you claim you do) then do the right thing, and tell him the truth. He deserves better. No one really gives a flying phuck, what you think you deserve. You caused this whole dam mess, and YOU need to take care of it.
You made your bed, and now you must lie in it. DO THE RIGHT THING, and clean up the mess you made! Tell your husband, and tell the OM!
If you think your husband will be hurt now.........What happens in 10 years when your husband finds out its not his? Holy sheet, I would go insane if my wife even thought about doing what you are doing.
if she is still reading, I would hope that she would realize that not telling is dooming her husband and herself at least somewhere down the line
we are in an age where in the next 10-20 years our genetic profiles will be studied by doctors to determine what treatment would be best to be preventative for certain diseases and disorders. IOW it will come out no matter what she does. The decision to withhold the information now is for pure selfish reasons and will only serve to hurt the man she proclaims to love.