Pregnant. might not be husbands
 Talk About Marriage
  The Marriage Advice and Relationship Help Forums
  right
Forums - For Therapists - Link to Us - Advertise  

    A Public Forum Provided by The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory
Register FAQ Community Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Navigation »Talk About Marriage »Focused Topics »Coping with Infidelity » Pregnant. might not be husbands

Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

Like Tree109Likes

Closed Thread
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old 05-05-2012, 09:53 PM   #1 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 5
Default Pregnant. might not be husbands

Please please do not be harsh when reading this. I love my husband and we have been together since we were 17. We've been married for 4 years now. We've had our ups and downs like any couple but i've never stopped loving him.

A couple years ago he had and an emotional affair with some woman he worked with. I was a good wife and i took him back but i don't think i ever forgave him. we haven't been super happy for the last two years or so. my husband has been sort of detached and become a work-aholic. i've been lonely and i made a couple mistakes.

Last december we decided to try to have a baby and I went off the pill. we've been trying to conceive without much luck. In march I went to see meet up with some old friends for a weekend. i made a terrible mistake and i had a few too many drinks and i ended up in bed with one of my friends. we slept together six times that weekend. I came home and I realized how big of a mistake i made and i'm trying to make amends.

Two weeks ago I found out that I was pregnant. I'm 6 weeks right now which is right around the time I cheated. I'm so scared. I'm pretty sure its not my hubby's. we tried for months without any luck and sure enough the one time i stray I end up pregnant. I don't know what to do. there is a chance it could be my husbands. I slept with him right after i got back from the trip. We really want the baby and he wouldn't understand me getting an abortion. I don't want to confess and I don't want to abort my baby.

We just bought a house and we both so badly want a child. I don't want my mistake to ruin our lives. I just need some advice and guidance on what to do.
KateJ is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Old 05-05-2012, 09:59 PM   #2 (permalink)
Member
 
keko's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 3,573
Default Re: Pregnant. might not be husbands

Be honest with him, as soon as you can. If he finds it out on his own you'll have a much less chance of being together.
keko is offline  
Old 05-05-2012, 10:02 PM   #3 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: SE USA
Posts: 1,632
Default Re: Pregnant. might not be husbands

Quote:
Originally Posted by KateJ View Post
Please please do not be harsh when reading this. I love my husband and we have been together since we were 17. We've been married for 4 years now. We've had our ups and downs like any couple but i've never stopped loving him.

A couple years ago he had and an emotional affair with some woman he worked with. I was a good wife and i took him back but i don't think i ever forgave him. we haven't been super happy for the last two years or so. my husband has been sort of detached and become a work-aholic. i've been lonely and i made a couple mistakes.

Last december we decided to try to have a baby and I went off the pill. we've been trying to conceive without much luck. In march I went to see meet up with some old friends for a weekend. i made a terrible mistake and i had a few too many drinks and i ended up in bed with one of my friends. we slept together six times that weekend. I came home and I realized how big of a mistake i made and i'm trying to make amends.

Two weeks ago I found out that I was pregnant. I'm 6 weeks right now which is right around the time I cheated. I'm so scared. I'm pretty sure its not my hubby's. we tried for months without any luck and sure enough the one time i stray I end up pregnant. I don't know what to do. there is a chance it could be my husbands. I slept with him right after i got back from the trip. We really want the baby and he wouldn't understand me getting an abortion. I don't want to confess and I don't want to abort my baby.

We just bought a house and we both so badly want a child. I don't want my mistake to ruin our lives. I just need some advice and guidance on what to do.
You need to tell him the truth. There are too many genetic variables at work here. Like if both you and your husband have blue eyes and you give birth to a brown eyed baby, that would be impossible if the child were his. Also blood type can prove that he is not the parent.

He may be physically incapable of fathering a child. What if years down the road a doctor finds something and tells him he cannot be a father.

Truth is best all around at this point.
TDSC60 is offline  
Old 05-05-2012, 10:05 PM   #4 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 5
Default Re: Pregnant. might not be husbands

He won't stay if its not his. I feel so guilty but i think telling him would break his heart and cause him more pain. my friend looks quite a bit like my husband. i don't think he would know. i just feel horrible about this. its my luck that the one time i make a mistake this would happen. i have been a perfect wife aside from this. i forgave him for his A. I know he won't forgive me for mine.
KateJ is offline  
Old 05-05-2012, 10:05 PM   #5 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Near Chicago IL
Posts: 2,255
Default Re: Pregnant. might not be husbands

Quote:
Originally Posted by KateJ View Post
Please please do not be harsh when reading this. I love my husband and we have been together since we were 17. We've been married for 4 years now. We've had our ups and downs like any couple but i've never stopped loving him.

A couple years ago he had and an emotional affair with some woman he worked with. I was a good wife and i took him back but i don't think i ever forgave him. we haven't been super happy for the last two years or so. my husband has been sort of detached and become a work-aholic. i've been lonely and i made a couple mistakes.

Last december we decided to try to have a baby and I went off the pill. we've been trying to conceive without much luck. In march I went to see meet up with some old friends for a weekend. i made a terrible mistake and i had a few too many drinks and i ended up in bed with one of my friends. we slept together six times that weekend. I came home and I realized how big of a mistake i made and i'm trying to make amends.

Two weeks ago I found out that I was pregnant. I'm 6 weeks right now which is right around the time I cheated. I'm so scared. I'm pretty sure its not my hubby's. we tried for months without any luck and sure enough the one time i stray I end up pregnant. I don't know what to do. there is a chance it could be my husbands. I slept with him right after i got back from the trip. We really want the baby and he wouldn't understand me getting an abortion. I don't want to confess and I don't want to abort my baby.

We just bought a house and we both so badly want a child. I don't want my mistake to ruin our lives. I just need some advice and guidance on what to do.
Hi Kate -- I could maybe see you made a mistake if you slept with the guy once when you were drunk -- but you slept with him 5 other times that weekend when you were not drunk. You two are both young and are not ready for marriage let alone bring an innocent baby into this world.
jh52 is offline  
Old 05-05-2012, 10:07 PM   #6 (permalink)
Member
 
keko's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 3,573
Default Re: Pregnant. might not be husbands

Quote:
Originally Posted by KateJ View Post
He won't stay if its not his. I feel so guilty but i think telling him would break his heart and cause him more pain. my friend looks quite a bit like my husband. i don't think he would know. i just feel horrible about this. its my luck that the one time i make a mistake this would happen. i have been a perfect wife aside from this. i forgave him for his A. I know he won't forgive me for mine.
How do you know he wont stay? Most men will give in if their wife is honest to them.

What if your husband finds this out 10 years later? For a minute stop thinking about yourself and think about your husband and how much pain he'll go through if he found it out 10,20 years later.
keko is offline  
Old 05-05-2012, 10:10 PM   #7 (permalink)
Banned
 
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 644
Default Re: Pregnant. might not be husbands

You should tell your husband. It would not be fair for him to have no choice and for him to have to raise another man's child(unless he wants to).

There is the STD issue, as well. You have put your husband at grave risk.
BigLiam is offline  
Old 05-05-2012, 10:13 PM   #8 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Near Chicago IL
Posts: 2,255
Default Re: Pregnant. might not be husbands

Quote:
Originally Posted by BigLiam View Post
You should tell your husband. It would not be fair for him to have no choice and for him to have to raise another man's child(unless he wants to).

There is the STD issue, as well. You have put your husband at grave risk.
You also put yourself at risk for STD -- get yourself checked !!
jh52 is offline  
Old 05-05-2012, 10:15 PM   #9 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: So Cal
Posts: 4,370
Default Re: Pregnant. might not be husbands

Quote:
Originally Posted by KateJ View Post
Last December we decided to try to have a baby and I went off the pill. we've been trying to conceive without much luck. In march I went to see meet up with some old friends for a weekend. i made a terrible mistake and i had a few too many drinks and i ended up in bed with one of my friends. we slept together six times that weekend. I came home and I realized how big of a mistake i made and i'm trying to make amends.
First of all, you need to know the difference between a mistake and a bad choice.

Mistake: An act committed without any knowledge of a possible negative outcome.

Bad Choice: An act committed with awareness of the possible negative outcome but deciding to ignore it or hoping for the best.

It is one thing for you to have done it once under the influence of alcohol but doing it 6 times during the weekend? That is hardly a mistake.

Since you asked for advice, here is some:

1. Confess to you husband what you did.

2. Get the two of you tested in STDs.

3. Print and read the following

3 Ways to Erase Post-Affair Anger
Cheated On, Tortured by Images
Feeding the Affair-Image Beast
How to Rebuild Your Spouse's Trust After an Affair

4. You have already betrayed him, do not compound it by committing paternity fraud which can blow up in your face years from now and hurt not just your husband but your child as well.
__________________
"Man is not a rational animal, he is a rationalizing animal." Robert A. Heinlein

Links
morituri is offline  
Old 05-05-2012, 10:16 PM   #10 (permalink)
Member
 
Gabriel's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Midwest
Posts: 2,036
Default Re: Pregnant. might not be husbands

Think for a minute. If you don't tell him, you will spend the next 20 years looking at your child and husband and aching in pain for how you brought this child into the world.

Do you really want to do this to yourself? To your husband? What if some medical tests are needed or your baby needs blood and you have to stop your husband from being the donor? Point is this stuff ALWAYS comes out one way or another.

Also, why wouldn't you give this other man the right to know he has a child? I sure would want to know.
Gabriel is offline  
Old 05-05-2012, 10:22 PM   #11 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 5
Default Re: Pregnant. might not be husbands

my friend is married also and he has two kids. i don't think he would want to know. I know my husband and he wouldn't stay if he knew it wasn't his. i don't want to lose him. i would spend the rest of my life making it up to him. i don't think he necessarily has to know. my husband trusts me and he wouldn't have any doubts. i messed up but I don't want to ruin my baby's life over this. he/she deserves to have a dad who loves them. my husband would. If he knew it wasn't his it wouldn't be the same. there is also a small chance it is my husbands...
KateJ is offline  
Old 05-05-2012, 10:27 PM   #12 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: So Cal
Posts: 4,370
Default Re: Pregnant. might not be husbands

I'm sorry to say that you are being selfish in wanting to keep your husband through lies and deceit just like you were selfish when you chose to have sex 6 times with the OM during the weekend. Your marriage is a sham because you have made the choice to make it one.
__________________
"Man is not a rational animal, he is a rationalizing animal." Robert A. Heinlein

Links
morituri is offline  
Old 05-05-2012, 10:30 PM   #13 (permalink)
Member
 
pidge70's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Missouri
Posts: 3,425
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by KateJ View Post
my friend is married also and he has two kids. i don't think he would want to know. I know my husband and he wouldn't stay if he knew it wasn't his. i don't want to lose him. i would spend the rest of my life making it up to him. i don't think he necessarily has to know. my husband trusts me and he wouldn't have any doubts. i messed up but I don't want to ruin my baby's life over this. he/she deserves to have a dad who loves them. my husband would. If he knew it wasn't his it wouldn't be the same. there is also a small chance it is my husbands...
Wow
Posted via Mobile Device
pidge70 is offline  
Old 05-05-2012, 10:31 PM   #14 (permalink)
Forum Supporter
 
EleGirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 16,615
Default Re: Pregnant. might not be husbands

You have to tell him. It's his choice whether or not he want's to raise another man's baby.
__________________
Surviving An Affair - What Are Plan A and Plan B? 180 for Betrayed Spouses


To Create A Passionate Marriage - Five Steps to Romantic Love His Needs, Her Needs Love Busters
EleGirl is online now  
Old 05-05-2012, 10:31 PM   #15 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 76
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by KateJ View Post
my friend is married also and he has two kids. i don't think he would want to know. I know my husband and he wouldn't stay if he knew it wasn't his. i don't want to lose him. i would spend the rest of my life making it up to him. i don't think he necessarily has to know. my husband trusts me and he wouldn't have any doubts. i messed up but I don't want to ruin my baby's life over this. he/she deserves to have a dad who loves them. my husband would. If he knew it wasn't his it wouldn't be the same. there is also a small chance it is my husbands...
i would suggest that you dont tell your husband,but you have to suffer the long term guilt..you choose!
Posted via Mobile Device
kenken is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Closed Thread

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Husbands would you do this? ConcernedinMO General Relationship Discussion 40 09-26-2012 11:42 PM
Husbands EA and sex Numb in Ohio Coping with Infidelity 16 11-15-2011 04:50 PM
Husband cheated & got another woman pregnant & now I'm pregnant ismile_kraye Coping with Infidelity 13 08-22-2011 02:32 PM
Husbands LoisLane28 General Relationship Discussion 3 08-22-2010 01:42 AM
Husbands!!! valium General Relationship Discussion 1 02-24-2009 02:42 PM

Member Area

Find a Therapist:


Sponsor Ads


Sponsor Ads




Get The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory Help Guide via Email:
Name:
Email:




All times are GMT -5. The time now is 11:11 PM.



Copyright 2007 - 2013 © Talk About Marriage