Re: The cat is out of the bag... operation wolf pack
Quote:
Originally Posted by Complexity
Spot on.
It was inevitable that he was going to throw her under the bus, I suspect she'll be the one doing all the grovelling and when he tells her to GTFO, she'll fall back on Mr Hopeful, she has to face severe consequences for her actions so as she doesn't seem him as a doormat.
I forgot to mention that OM lives with Momma, so unless she is in on it, he has to come home every day to that house and deal with her.
Re: The cat is out of the bag... operation wolf pack
Quote:
Originally Posted by iheartlife
I don't see remorse, I only see withdrawal. There's no point in asking for NC until she says she wants to stay.
She introduced this guy to her MIL. That's an extreme that's pretty rare. She's not going to cave overnight. Posted via Mobile Device
I was going to post something like the first part, so I'm glad you said it first. It seems pointless to try and discuss anything with her in her current state. My supporters are telling me just let her simmer for now.
Re: The cat is out of the bag... operation wolf pack
at the end of the day its your decesion.
So far you have done a great job of trying to get OM out off the picture, but very little to change your wifes mindset. So you got rid of one troll (hopefully), now your wife is pissed. I guess I don't see this a "good" thing. In your wifes eyes, she is just justifying your actions as even more controlling.
Not trying to be disrespectful, and I hope it works out for you. I know everyone is different, but in my case my wife didn't really come out of the affair fog, till divorce papers were underway. Filling the papers doesn't mean your getting divorced.
I may be way off base here, and again, I mean no disrespect, just want to make sure you are looking at this from all the angles.
its the old addage "you don't know what you got, till its gone" Your wife doesn't sound like she knows what she has
Re: The cat is out of the bag... operation wolf pack
Quote:
Originally Posted by MrHopeful
I am trying to verify the SSN stuff. I can only go by what the bg report says, so for now shady until proven otherwise.
Nobody need worry about me letting this guy off the hook. This site has done a fine job drilling it into my brain that words don't mean anything.
The only real "evidence" if you want to call it that of the affair being over is that WW underwent a dramatic change overnight. She is constantly crying for no reason, angry, sad, angry, sad. She looks like someone killed her puppy and fed it to her then ran her over with a leaky manure truck.
This is a MASSIVE change from before where I was getting the ****iness, the strutting, the coldness.
Now I am just getting anger thrown at me, which seems to be following the script of "post affair" pretty closely. Both of my family supporters who have dealt with this are telling me their WS spouse behaved exactly the same when the affair was over "for real" (in hindsight of course).
I am not taking my foot off the gas though as far as building up a case to nuke this guy.
As you already know this is because her fantasy world is collasping. She will go into a grieving period as will you. When my WS was caught, I first suspected that she had an exit stategy with the OM to leave our marriage. THe OM was younger with kids and he never planned on leaving his wife and kids and my wife never planned on leaving me. She told me that they talked about what it would be like to be together but both knew it would never work out.
Hopefully soon your wife will cme to her senses and realize just what the heck she did. It is best to have NC but most want to say some sort of goodbyes, I love you's, etc. I asked my wife for NC and she promised me that she would. Within three days she was talking to him saying I love you, goodbye, etc. I got very upset (as she lied to me) but there has been no contact since (to my knowledge).
The hard part will begin now as there is uncertainty as to how your wife is going to respond.
I support you in your decisions and am hoping for a great outcome. Right now it is sucky and will remain so for the future. Hang in there. Stick to your guns.
__________________
This kind of cosmic dumbassery occupies a temporal plane of ineptitude and lack of reason so profound a Zen master could spend a lifetime meditating upon its philosophical consequences.”
Re: The cat is out of the bag... operation wolf pack
Quote:
Originally Posted by cabin fever
at the end of the day its your decesion.
So far you have done a great job of trying to get OM out off the picture, but very little to change your wifes mindset. So you got rid of one troll (hopefully), now your wife is pissed. I guess I don't see this a "good" thing. In your wifes eyes, she is just justifying your actions as even more controlling.
Not trying to be disrespectful, and I hope it works out for you. I know everyone is different, but in my case my wife didn't really come out of the affair fog, till divorce papers were underway. Filling the papers doesn't mean your getting divorced.
I may be way off base here, and again, I mean no disrespect, just want to make sure you are looking at this from all the angles.
its the old addage "you don't know what you got, till its gone" Your wife doesn't sound like she knows what she has
good luck.
thanks for the very thoughtful response.
right now i am working on building a strong case against the OM, and working on ways to verify that WW's actions match her words, especially when it comes to her whereabouts
i need this stuff in place before i drop any nukes so i'm not sitting around wondering where my kids are if she flips out and runs or something.
Re: The cat is out of the bag... operation wolf pack
Quote:
Originally Posted by Thorburn
As you already know this is because her fantasy world is collasping. She will go into a grieving period as will you. When my WS was caught, I first suspected that she had an exit stategy with the OM to leave our marriage. THe OM was younger with kids and he never planned on leaving his wife and kids and my wife never planned on leaving me. She told me that they talked about what it would be like to be together but both knew it would never work out.
Hopefully soon your wife will cme to her senses and realize just what the heck she did. It is best to have NC but most want to say some sort of goodbyes, I love you's, etc. I asked my wife for NC and she promised me that she would. Within three days she was talking to him saying I love you, goodbye, etc. I got very upset (as she lied to me) but there has been no contact since (to my knowledge).
The hard part will begin now as there is uncertainty as to how your wife is going to respond.
I support you in your decisions and am hoping for a great outcome. Right now it is sucky and will remain so for the future. Hang in there. Stick to your guns.
At some point on this journey I told WW that if she really wants to be with OM, then pack up and go be with him. Her response was that he was not someone "I can go to."
This makes a lot of sense now that I have learned OM lives with momma.
Its hard not to draw a strong parallel with your situation. I really hope the OM was sincere, and rebuffs any efforts at re-contact, etc, but not going to take it to the bank, no freaking way.
Re: The cat is out of the bag... operation wolf pack
Quote:
Originally Posted by MrHopeful
At some point on this journey I told WW that if she really wants to be with OM, then pack up and go be with him. Her response was that he was not someone "I can go to".
Re: The cat is out of the bag... operation wolf pack
Exposure is the surest way of ending an affair and snapping cheating spouses back to reality. The angrier they are, the more effective the exposure was. Sounds like you hit the mark dead on.
Of course she's pissed...you just shattered her fantasy life. As soon as she realizes that OM really is gone, she'll begin to realize how wrong her actions have been, and hopefully start to feel remorseful for her lousy choices.
In the meantime, be the best you you can be. Be the steady lighthouse on the shore acting as a guide to bring her home from the storms. Alpha, confident, loving, positive. Basically the best you you can present.
Also, I'd get some books and leave them around the house concerning recovery from affairs (surviving an affair, the 5 love languages, etc.). Maybe she'll pick them up when the mood hits her. She needs to know you have a plan for recovery and what your conditions are to go down that path with her. Set the bar high, and clearly state the boundaries that you require.
Re: The cat is out of the bag... operation wolf pack
Quote:
Originally Posted by MrHopeful
I'm not responding to any more posts that add sarcasm or other quips to try and get a rise out of me or anyone else. This is my life, not entertainment. Be supportive in a way that doesn't poke fun at me or my family, or GTFO. There are plenty of ways to communicate your opinion without being a d*ck.
I'm just telling it like it is. Now WHERE DID I POKE FUN AT YOU OR YOUR FAMILY?
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Re: The cat is out of the bag... operation wolf pack 
