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Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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Old 05-07-2012, 01:30 PM   #16 (permalink)
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Default Re: Why should I #2?

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Originally Posted by cheatinghubby View Post
Guess she isn't going back

LOL, use that on my cousin all the time, she married a black guy also. Very cool guy and he takes all the jokes we make in stride.
Well, to her, "going back", would mean returning to an abusive white guy with a brain smaller than his d**k. Why would she do that, when she has a black guy who will treat her right?
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Old 05-07-2012, 01:32 PM   #17 (permalink)
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Default Re: Why should I #2?

It's good to see you coming round BB, such a contrast from those early, horrid days.

All the best mate
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Old 05-07-2012, 02:43 PM   #18 (permalink)
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Default Re: Why should I #2?

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Well, to her, "going back", would mean returning to an abusive white guy with a brain smaller than his d**k. Why would she do that, when she has a black guy who will treat her right?
lol, i mean the old line

One you go black, you don't go back. Like I said, we use it on our cousin and her husband alot. It's great that he's such a laid back guy.

BTW, good to hear you're finally doing great again. You're probably one of the few on this board who did more for your ex than anyone else would have if they were leaving their cheating spouse.
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Old 05-07-2012, 05:05 PM   #19 (permalink)
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My hero
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Old 05-07-2012, 08:53 PM   #20 (permalink)
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Why would you not want to go #2?
Agreed. You could get backed up and develop serious gastrointestinal problems. Don't let you XW's cheating impact your health in this way.
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Old 05-08-2012, 01:36 AM   #21 (permalink)
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Default Re: Why should I #2?

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lol, i mean the old line

One you go black, you don't go back. Like I said, we use it on our cousin and her husband alot. It's great that he's such a laid back guy.

BTW, good to hear you're finally doing great again. You're probably one of the few on this board who did more for your ex than anyone else would have if they were leaving their cheating spouse.
Well, CH, my conscience is clear. I did ALL I could for her and have supported her on her long road back to mental health, and will continue to do so even after the divorce. Our relationship will change, but we will still be in contact.
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Old 05-08-2012, 01:49 AM   #22 (permalink)
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Wow!... I just read your very first thread. That's a tough one. Walking in that hotel room and all that. I can't even begin to imagine what that must of felt like.

Happy for you and your new girl!
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Old 05-08-2012, 01:52 AM   #23 (permalink)
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"Why should I #2?"

because bowel obstruction is very painful






wow thanks that gave me a good laugh.. I NEEDED ONE.. ha!!
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Old 05-08-2012, 01:56 AM   #24 (permalink)
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It wasn't JUST the sex. It was the whole evening, including the conversation in between, during and after. WE wrapped blankets around our selves and took our drinks up on deck and watched the city lights, and just were together. It was so relaxing and peaceful, then it was passionate and hot. It's hard to decribe how wonderful it was to be the center of another person's world, even just for a night.
And that is HOW it should be....

"Center of another person's world.." two way street there, you make them and they make you.. AWWW such bliss....

Happy for you.. glad you found somone who is worth every ounce of you inside and out!!!

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Old 05-08-2012, 02:03 AM   #25 (permalink)
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BadBlood,

Just because the divorce isn't final in the eyes of the state, you shouldn't feel bad for moving on. As long as you waiting until it was honestly over and irrevocable for you, then you can always look at yourself and know that you gave it every shot without sullying the waters.

New relationships are an amazing thing, and your brain going's make it even more so. So enjoy and savor every moment and new discovery.

The only advice I hope you heed is to wait a couple years* (at least) before getting engaged again. You need to be mentally clear of the past, process the last 18 years, and give yourself time to reflect on who you are going to be for version 3.0. That can take longer than you realize.

It certainly doesn't mean not to enjoy this new gal, and see just where this relationship can go. But I recommend making a vow to yourself of "Under no circumstances will I remarry before XYZ date which is N years from my divorce being final" and tell any new gals in your life up front that "hey, I spent a lot of years with my ex-, and I'm not going to mentally unwind them overnight and I'm not sure how I am going to turn out. That why I have mad a vow to myself that I would take this time before doing it again, to work on fixing and bettering myself." It doesn't mean any girl you see during that time needs to feel like you are out to play the field all you can, just that you are being careful to do better next time. If she respects you, it should be a non-issue. (Personally I was with my ex- 16/18 years, and I set a no-remarriage time limit of 5 years. I was up front about it, and it was no problem for the woman who is now my fiance.)

What you want to avoid is the classic "rebound too fast" scenario. It's a cliche among men our age for a reason (saw my own brother do this). By setting a self-imposed hard time limit, you make it not about the gal you are with and gives you room to make mistakes and let things evolve past the first 6-months of NRE (New Relationship Energy) and perhaps save yourself from yourself. As I said, if she's the one, she'll stick with you and all that time will be spent growing together.
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Old 05-08-2012, 12:21 PM   #26 (permalink)
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No worries, Anubis. Neither of us are going to get married for a long time , if ever. We might decide , in the future, to live together, but doing the deed, isn't on the table. We have both been burnt by unfaithful spouses, and aren't looking to repeat the event.
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Old 05-08-2012, 07:23 PM   #27 (permalink)
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Well, to her, "going back", would mean returning to an abusive white guy with a brain smaller than his d**k. Why would she do that, when she has a black guy who will treat her right?
Eh, how did race get injected into this? Reverse the race and see if there is a bit of an outcry.
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Old 05-08-2012, 07:27 PM   #28 (permalink)
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Great to hear you are moving on BB.

How is your STBXW doing anyways? Mentally I mean.
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Old 05-09-2012, 12:54 AM   #29 (permalink)
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Eh, how did race get injected into this? Reverse the race and see if there is a bit of an outcry.
Liam, I'm black and CheatingHubby was making a joke. No big deal.
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Old 05-09-2012, 12:58 AM   #30 (permalink)
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Great to hear you are moving on BB.

How is your STBXW doing anyways? Mentally I mean.
Thanks, .45. She is doing much better, now that she is living with her sister (the good one) and being properly medicated. Both of them are moving to the west coast, after our divorce is final, to get away from her toxic family and start over.
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