Machiavelli

She was honest about picking up a stranger, just not the circumstances.

That's probably true, also. And I have a good idea what the product is.

You're handling this correctly. Keep her in the dark.

She's entering her peak sexual years. Typically, her testosterone will be at its max, and thus her sex drive as well, during these years.

Regular sex, apparently.

catAndMouseChase

I'm just from making a call to the PI and he tells me that he can start on the case by tomorrow. I do not want to anticipate the results but I have told him to get the phone records and shadow her every move. I wish tomorrow comes and I find that she is not doing anything sinister. All the same, I have to schedule a long flight because we must have trust. Lying has to end now whether there is OM or not.

WhereAmI

Does working on your drinking problem include help from a professional? If not, please find someone. It's not wise to blame your actions on anyone else. I guarantee that if your W is in an affair she will provide you a list of reasons why your actions made her cheat. Rest assured that you aren't responsible for her behavior, just as she is not responsible for yours. Take control and make sure you're prepared to face disovery with an appropriate outlet for your anger and hurt.
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Almostrecovered

are you abusing/self medicating or are you an alcoholic?

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catAndMouseChase

I do not know whether it needs help. I do not experience cravings or withdrawal symptoms when I don't drink. I did try it yesterday but it felt tasteless and I really hated it. But I did not sleep and had to get out of bed and start reading this site. When I have insomnia, I avoid staying in bed because trying getting sleep get to sleep is very frustrating.

Almostrecovered

then try stopping on your own for now, if it becomes apparent that you need help then seek it

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catAndMouseChase

Well, we will see if this is the case ... and where it will land her.

bryanp

No consequences to her actions equals no motivation to change. You caught her in major lies so there is a pretty obvious reason. I would suggest that you get tested for STD's and think about seeing a lawyer to understand your options. I am sorry for what is happening to you.

Count of Monte Cristo

Be careful about letting her family know too much before you confront her. Blood IS thicker than water.

Thorburn

Where are you during these times that you don't know where she is?

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catAndMouseChase

Thorburn: I do not live with my family, I'm very far away working. I'm also pursuing a degree by distance learning and I'm mostly in the office like I am now (notice the time since the first post). While here, my life revolves around the office because that is where I study.

Mont Cristo: I have only informed one friend who went through a similar experience. I know if I let the cat out of the bag now I will mess up any chance of us coming into any agreement regarding lies.

crossbar

Why do I have the feeling your in the military?

CH

Use of military time. It's the 1st way to tell if they work in the military or law enforcement.

the guy

If money is still an issue, take it out of the bank in cash and open a secret account, and then tell the wife that you needed if for work and the company will reimpurse you later on, then drop it. Or just tell her you need some equipment or started a new hobby. I'm sure you can figure out a way to hide this from with some sort of excuse.

I also suggest you take some time off of work due to a family emergency, then you can do some of your own invesigation. and use this time to plan for the worst.

Go see your doctor and get some meds so you can sleep. In my case I was taking Advile PM to sleep. You need your strength so take care of your health. Start working out and get to the gym and lift wiegths it helps alot.

I also started a journel and in this journal I made a plan on how to confront my wife. It helped alot, since the confrontation is so emotional it was nise to have a script to work off of and stay focused.

it will take some time for the PI b/c he is working in the dark but he will get what you need to validate your dicision and give you the confidence you will need when you confront her.

This is a battle sir and now is not the time to be weak, your family is at stake and its times like this that you muster up the strength to fight. Do not let this beat you so stand up and fight.

You will get through this...we all do

catAndMouseChase

Now I have a deal with the PI.

We have agreed with the PI and I have arranged how his payment will be made so that he can start tomorrow. We have agreed on an outline of what each one is to do:

a) Discreetly shadow the wife, use two chase cars if necessary. We can't afford to spook her.

b) I'm to maintain the same calling pattern but avoid calling during the suspicious times. I wil call early before she leaves office or later when I'm sure she is home. Any other call in between is to be aborted before she picks up which can be easily explained by poor phone connection between the two locations.

c) The PI will not in any way go to the premises where my wife works. He is to keep away from her and all of her colleagues. No contact at this stage. People might recognize him.

d) Since it is not possible to sneak in electronic surveillance, we are to use low tech for now.

I welcome any more suggestions on how to go about this.