catAndMouseChase

One fine Saturday afternoon, I placed a call to my wife and in the course of the conversation asked her where she was. She claimed to have joined friends party and would be heading home to take care of the kids. This was at around 17:00 Hrs. Fast forward to 18:00 hrs and I call again and she claimed she was in a car driving home.I did not continue with the call because she claimed she was driving. I then made another call at 20hrs and asked her whether she got home, she answered yes and told me she was feeling a little drowsy and she wanted to host. I then asked her that she hands over the phone to our oldest son which she declined claiming that he was already asleep. I also noticed that the room she was in was exceptionally quite considering that she loves to watch TV. I suspected she was not home and called over our neighbour to verify that she was. She was not. I did not call again but I was so mad that I almost broke my phone in anger.

I can recall at least three other occasions where she has lied to me. The other day she claimed to have picked a complete stranger who had collapsed outside her employers premises and taken him to hospital. The other time she claimed that she went shopping at 19:00 hrs for our kids school stuff on the very eve of his resuming school (rather than do it over the weekend when she had more time). She is not honest with me.

I have never caught her red handed but she talks about her workmates as having very low ethical standards. There was a time that she disclosed that someone had tried to woo her but I dismissed this as a fantasy and did not dwell on it. There was also an occasion about one year ago when I noticed that she had received a call and then deleted the call record. I was really mad about it and confronted her. She claimed that the person calling her was a salesman who delivers products at her workplace.

Her latest acts have renewed my fears that she might be having an affair. I have contacted a PI and we are in the process of negotiating his fees. I'm a wreck of nerves and did not sleep yesterday. It is as if whole world is falling apart. There is such a bad feeling inside, like some evil forces came and tore my peace and heart apart. I have been calling her the usual 3 to 4 times per day as usual. She is not aware and thinks that everything is alright. I hate every time I tell her that I love her. I want this charade to end soon because I cannot bare it any more.

I'm 37 and she is 29. We have been married for 5 years and have two great boys that I really adore. I have been thinking everything is alright. I have a great job but I'm away from home most of the time because I get to go see my family every two months.

snap

Get a voice activated recorder and velcro it under her car seat.

catAndMouseChase

Thanks snap. I'm trying to source for one. How I wish this never had to happen!

snap

Don't we all..

If you have access to her telecom account, check the numbers she dials/texts frequently.

lovelygirl

oh wow poor you!

I hope she hasn't started an EA/PA YET although she sounds like she's into one.
She's a serial liar and by this you cannot believe a word she says even when she's telling the truth.
I hope you get your answers asap before anything major happens.

catAndMouseChase

snap: I do not have access to her phone records but the PI guy told me that they can get access. He even told me they can find out if she has a secret phone that she uses discreetly. The worst things about mistrust is that you start to doubt anything and everything. I'm so paranoid now, wondering how a fool I have been to believe and trust in her for all these years.

Lovelygirl: Thanks for your encouragement. I hope there is no EA/PA yet. But that is just hope, and I'm aware it might be just wishful thinking. I'm trying to get the PI on the case ASAP. It is a bit difficult because I need to pay him without using my bank account - and its far away from here. What a hell!

Sara8

Hi Cat and mouse:

The fact that your wife is talking about he low moral character of other people might be a projection of her own thoughts.

My husbands, OW did the same thing. She herself is of low moral character....numerous affairs, hanging out at strip clubs...etc.

Almostrecovered

not much you can do but wait at this point and see if anything turns up, you don't want to spook her into laying low if she is cheating by confronting too early

what is your plan if she is cheating?

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keko

Play it cool as if nothing is wrong until PI can confirm or deny an affair.

Star planning your actions for each case now. Good luck.
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catAndMouseChase

Thanks AlmostRecovered and Sara8 for sharing your thoughts.

I can see a pattern here. Back when she was in college, she used to tell me how bad some of her classmates were. She would go on and on regarding this until it spooked me up and then she stopped. I remember her repeating these stories the last time I was home. It's a pattern and really scary.

I do not want to spook her and that is why I have maintained contact. I call her at the usual times I usually call and she picks up my calls. She rarely fails to pick my calls because she knows it makes me mad. I'm trying to keep it together and sound cheerful but this is difficult. I dread every moment I have to call her.

I don't know what I will find out, but I suspect it wont be rose petals. I dread it will be a stink and major one at that. I will consider R but this will depend solely on her. I deeply love my family but I'm not going to suffer another hell in her hands. I have caught her lying and I have to find out why. I have to get to the bottom of this because I have been a coward in the past and never really made her work on her behaviour.

This time round, she will have to explain without hiding anything. One more lie and she will be out of the door forever. I'm close to her brother and I will ask for his help in getting her to open up.

I really can't understand what stuff she's been smoking (not literally, she never does)! If she sat for just a few seconds she would realize what is at stake. She is in a stable marriage with a man who puts his family fast. I had to make a lot of sacrifices to build my family a nice house. I have bought her a car, she gets nice clothes, has her shopping covered by my credit card and I do not ask for a penny from her salary. What more does she need?

Almostrecovered

do yourself a favor and be productive during this time by learning about infidelity, if she is cheating you dont want the confrontation to be fouled up and end up in either a rugsweeping R or unfortunate D where she gets the upper hand

start by reading the newbie thread and peek around the forum

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Newbies please read this
My story

keko

You're being too much of a nice guy. It's not a bad thing but it tends to backfire on guys. I'm not sure why but some woman tend to like/obey alpha guys.

Can you have a friend/family tail her today?
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lovelygirl

Wow!! What a PERFECT man you sound!!
She should thank God everyday.

Why is she throwing away all that????
What an ungrateful woman!

catAndMouseChase

I do not want to think of myself as a perfect man. I know I have my own fault - drinking, and I'm working on it right now. Her lies last week made it even worse, and I went on drinking spree from Saturday evening till Sunday.

I have a very understanding boss and colleagues and they came for me in my house when I didn't report to office on time. I have to avoid alcohol because it is a depressant and will only make things worse.

Shaggy

Then stop negotiating the PI price and hire him,
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