*Deleted initial post due to details. With so many more WoW players posting, it made me uneasy that someone might learn my identity, as well as the details of the EAs of both my husband and myself.*
Nope. We stopped. Both of us. He doesn't even go online anymore. Not since I asked him to stop talking to her.WoW was a breeding ground for EAs when I played.
It is so easy to get caught up in the fantasy. It is a simple slide over to IRL.
Is WoW or any other MMO still being played?
Bingo.warlock: I agree, we did. But that isn't going to happen with the kids now. No longer playing, so not gonna have that option anymore.
TBW: He is, I am not. I know I need to. Honestly, there is something wrong with ME if I feel the need to seek attention from these other men. It never occurred to me until DH said something about it a few days ago.
That would be my guess but I think until he admits it for what it is you will not be able to fully heal from this. You have admitted to yours he needs to do the same.When we were talking about that, I know I brought up not getting the attention I needed from him. I am certain that's not the whole problem, but a part of it. With his depression, and the other diagnoses he has received, he hasn't been able to as well as he used to. And, when that started to diminish, I turned to other men instead of focusing on the kids, myself, and making sure I was there for him. By not being there for him, it drove him further into depression which pushed me further away.
No, I am not saying he is to blame. I am saying *I* should have focused on the family, or turned to a trusted female friend who could have helped me through this. But I didn't. I am sure there is more to it than that, but it's a start.
And I understand WHY he turned to K2 when I was checking out. I just am not sure why he doesn't acknowledge it for what it was. Maybe because he always maintained that stance against flirting and now he knows he went down that same road, just not as far?
As a matter of fact, we did get it all sorted out. Considering this all transpired nearly a year ago....Hopefully you have been able to figure out alternative ways to be together, developing other interests, hobbies, etc. It seems like this is all the more important as things like depression and meds can have an effect on libido. It is the chance to discover each other in a whole new way. I don't know. You're not going to like this but I wouldn't get too steamed up about what he did with this other woman on the phone and his not confessing it. Maybe he just justifies it as some kind of pay back and doesn't see a need to explain, confess, or apologize. What does it matter now. You've both given up all of these friends. You're both trying to live a whole new life. You both still have each other which I thought was the point, or it seems like you realized you wanted that. Part of that is letting go, and who knows maybe giving to each other in a way that is more free than before because both of you know you have choices, you have options.
Ahh, I understand what you were saying now. Sorry, when someone says "you have options", the option to separate, divorce, stay married, etc is not the first thing that comes to mind. So, I do apologize for misunderstanding what you were saying.What I meant by chosing to be together is that you have chosen to be with him and not leave and obviously he has chosen to be with you and not leave and neither have chosen to be with another person but have chosen to be with each other. Yes, I'm sorry, you have options. You can divorce, separate, etc. But it doesn't sound like that's what you've chosen and it sounds like you're happy and it sounds like things have worked out and healing has occurred. And now you know you can be freer to love because yes, as norajane says, trials have occurred in your relationship and and things between you have been renewed and you know you can endure.The very best of outcomes! Take care.
I think my problem right now is that it's almost a year since this all transpired. Dday was really a week long thing at the end of March. And, the first couple weeks after were basically great. But I joined TAM about a month after, and this was how I was feeling at that time. I have a followup post in my signature, when OW decided to try contacting him again, and I cut that off immediately. In addition to the 1 year mark, I recently learned that OW is now single. So, I'm on edge about the possibility of her contacting my husband now... I trust that HE won't contact HER... but I don't trust HER. Yes, I have access to all of his communications. He has access to mine.And just to clarify: I didn't say you didn't have a right to get angry about your husband's indiscretions. I was just trying to point out that sometimes we can't make someone do what they don't want to do and it sounds like for a period of time he wasn't willing to confess and so what does one do? Stay or go? If you love him radically, and it sounds like you do, you forgive him whether he confesses or not, you pre-empt his request for forgiveness by forgiving him already in your heart mainly so your heart is freer and you are not consumed with anger that can do damage to you. I hope in future that when you encounter a poster who has diligently read everything you've written in a long post and tried to understand every nuance and tried to respond the best way they know how that this will be taken into consideration when figuring out how to respond to such a diligent reader, even if your reader's suggestion sounds like a challenge. I will try to do a better job at wording my responses and have only now thought of more things I should have said regarding my responses, the reasons for saying what I did. Again, though, I'm glad things worked out.
Wow, highwood... I guess you missed that my initial post was a year ago... and things have greatly improved between us. Sorry, I'm not steady enough on my feet to "go do something outside" on the ice. We are spending more time together since this happened last year. Thank you for your concern, though. We're not perfect, but definitely better.Frick..get off your butts, get off the friggin computer and go do something outside. Start developing healthy habits.
I'd say my current "addiction" is sites like swagbucks and gifthulk and irazoo. Yea, still computer stuff, but in this case, I earn a little extra money to buy the "extras" we like to have...including birthday and Christmas gifts.I know I came off being harsh but geez spending all day playing computer/video games is not healthy mentally and physically. If you are going to get addicted to a hobby let it be something like obsessed with doing crossword puzzles, or Sudoko at the very least.
Perhaps I am transfering some of my own issues I had with H..not that he played games but when he got back from his work trip in August 2011 until he went back to work in October 2011..he would spend hours while I was at work, online with his EA. I would ask him to do some simple thing around the house such as fix the towel bar in one of the bathrooms and he would not do it...because he didn't feel like it...I guess it took more energy than sitting on his ass and logging on to Yahoo Messenger.
Good for you guys for realizing and making changes..
I remember I would come home for lunch, he would be getting off the computer and as I am leaving to go back to work after lunch he would be getting on again..three hours later when I would come home for the day he would just be getting off.
Sorry, Dig... the only Horde I cared for was Thrall. Ok, well, MAYBE I kinda liked how the B.elves looked...But my main (85 human pali), as well as about 4 more 85s by the time we stopped playing, were Aerie Peak alliance. We did start a few toons on Area 52, Horde a few months before quitting. was looking forward to Pandas, but quit before it came out. I do have some friends I miss on there... real friends, who have gone through the same/similar things I have mentioned here. And I was able to talk very easily with the wife, especially.The one thing that would make me very unhappy with you Maricha is if you played Alliance. Then we can no longer post in threads together.
Lok' Tar!!!
In the form of gift cards, in my case. But yes. searches, watch videos, complete offers, etc. And you earn points which you can convert to gift cards... I believe all of the sites offer paypal cards as well. I paid for Christmas gifts only with gift cards earned through those sites... I believe I earned over $400 in Amazon cards last year...Things are okay...I still harbor alot of resentment about what he did...but you know I figure over time that should dissipate hopefully
Curious what are these sites that you are on now..you make money off of those sites??
so, you are on the right path to recovery. But you have let go of bitterness. You did wrong, he did wrong, it's time to forgive.As you said, Hortensia, we are transparent now. We haven't been playing any online games since last year. I said I miss some of the friends. Not THOSE friends, but others. We do spend time with all three of our kids. As I said above, this was all a year ago.
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Except for the games other than WoW...this is me to a T. I still read "THE" trilogy every chance I get. Regret and I went to every opening night of the LOTR movies.Okay I confess... Dear Hubby and I are utter gamer geeks. We play WoW, Diablo, LOTRO, and DDO. [If you don't know that's World of Warcraft, Diablo, Lord of the Rings Online, and Dungeons and Dragons Online.] In addition we play ADD (Advanced Dungeons and Dragons) on "paper" and we have since high school....AND we go to Tolkien movies and read the Hobbit, the Lord of the Rings Trilogy, and the Silmarillion every year. We are also huge Monty Python fans. OY...we're practically stereotypes!
Well, they DO have WoW Monopoly....if you want to keep gaming, I have two words for you:
board games.
:smthumbup:
We need a WoW support group. But not in a bad way of support. As in support me while I am trying to farm mats in Wintergrasp to make moneh!! Silly Allies always gang up on me :rofl:This is becoming my 2nd favorite thread next to the reconciliation thread. AC, I love you. Will you adopt me? lol
Hmmm... well, then, you will have to be our sister!LOL I am not old enough to be your mother
I'm sure one could be started lol. Yea, a LOT was changed. So, you didn't get much into Cata? I was so lost between LK & Cata. I found my bearings, eventually.... but I LIKED LK... A friend told me MoP is decent though.I suck at tanking and am a marginal healer at best. Pretty good dps though. I suck at PVP as well. I only got into WoW a couple of years ago because my sons were heavy into it. We would team up and do dungeons together. And of course we are all Horde. I stopped for a while until MoP came out and when I went back I found they had changed the characters a lot. So I'm still re learning how to use my toons. Can we start a WoW club on TAM?