Well that didn't go so good, yelled at about boundaries, etc.
Said we would have had a chance until me coming back last night.
She doesn't know this but I did find out she booked a flight to see the guy so I really didn't care that I was prob doing more harm than good in her eyes.
I told her I knew, knew his name everything and she still denies.
I've never known her to lie but everything out of her mouth these days is a lie, you would think they would just own up to it.
I'm just going to cut her loose, get my stuff back. She can't afford her own cell phone so maybe he'll get her one. Think I might wait until close to the weekend of the trip before I turn it off though.
Did she use her own money to book this flight ?? If not I would have no problems with you cancelling that reservation -- and DO NOT TELL HER. She wants another life with another guy -- let her or her new BF pay for her flight.
You "had a chance until you came back" AND she's booked plane tickets to see him? Can you see what a joke of a statement that is? She's just annoyed because you are preventing her from communicating with him at all hours and at her convenience. She wants to joyfully pack her bags full of cute lingerie, maybe a new outfit or two, etc. but she can't exactly do that while you are in the house.
ing already asked this: are your finances separate?
are you funding this escapade in any way, shape, or form? I'd cut that off no matter what your plans are with her for the future.
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Originally Posted by tidal1
Not just the lies but how she thinks about me, now she's making it out to anyone and everyone that I'm some sort of psycho stalker boyfriend that won't leave her alone.
I hope you immediately spread the word far and wide to mutual friends and family that she has recontacted a male high school friend, developed a secret long-distance relationship with him, and is now preparing to travel to meet him. Do not let her get away with making it out like "things were bad between you" and then by magic she "just happened" to meet Mr. Wonderful. Cut that off at the pass before she steps one foot out the door.
The truth is, she is not married to you. You may want to puncture her fantasy--I certainly would--but she has been confiding in this man and hiding a huge amount of hopes, fears, and dreams from you. As you can see for yourself, after some time passes, it's like you hardly know her. She has changed and she didn't let you in on it while doing it. Someone else already said this--an engagement is a trial period for marriage and she gets an F.
tidal, just my opion..since the games over, i would get back that ring, and keep quiet till that plane leaves...then since you previously said that everything in that house you bought, clean the house out,EVERYTHING goes. utilities in your name? shut them off,you said phones in your name--off it goes,bank accts and credit cards same crap,but wait till planes in the air,wish her a happy vacation when she calls you pissed.
tidal, just my opion..since the games over, i would get back that ring, and keep quiet till that plane leaves...then since you previously said that everything in that house you bought, clean the house out,EVERYTHING goes. utilities in your name? shut them off,you said phones in your name--off it goes,bank accts and credit cards same crap,but wait till planes in the air,wish her a happy vacation when she calls you pissed.
and fortunately you have another house in your name to move all your stuff into.
You probably will recoil at doing this, because you don't want to "hurt" her. Even though all these things are yours to do with what you will. Get a good mental picture of what she's going to do first thing when she gets off that plane, if you need to harden your resolve.
Tidal, you and your (ex?)fiance are each failing to see something.
What you're failing to really see is that your only (and not very good) chance to save it is to break it and then see if there are enough pieces to put it back together.
What your fiance is failing to see is that it's not up to her if there's a chance - she's the one who's got an other man and has broken the relationship between you.
You both seem to be laboring under the premiss that she's the one in control. She shouldn't be and there is no chance to save this as long as she is.
Tidal, you and your (ex?)fiance are each failing to see something.
What you're failing to really see is that your only (and not very good) chance to save it is to break it and then see if there are enough pieces to put it back together.
What your fiance is failing to see is that it's not up to her if there's a chance - she's the one who's got an other man and has broken the relationship between you.
You both seem to be laboring under the premiss that she's the one in control. She shouldn't be and there is no chance to save this as long as she is.
Let her go -- in your head and your heart. It will be tough --and this is easier said then done -- but it is best you find out now then after you got married -- and/or have kids. Life has a way of closing doors for a reason -- and when one door closes another will open.
Well that didn't go so good, yelled at about boundaries, etc.
Excellent Bet the word ""controlling" came up.
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Said we would have had a chance until me coming back last night.
You went home. great. She means by that is that she doesn't want you around to spoil her limitless and continuous communication with the OM
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She doesn't know this but I did find out she booked a flight to see the guy so I really didn't care that I was prob doing more harm than good in her eyes
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She booked a flight.. Okay this sounds like she has made her mind up. When she did that she assumed she would be coming home afterwards. Make it clear that it won't be an option if she leaves.
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I told her I knew, knew his name everything and she still denies.
I've never known her to lie but everything out of her mouth these days is a lie, you would think they would just own up to it.
You know when she is lying. Her lips are moving. She will look you dead in the eye when she does this. Just keep repeating that you know, and there is no point in lying. Do this calmly.
If you have joint finances. Separate them NOW. She will burn through cash faster than you will believe.
The engagement is off. Get the ring back before she leaves to see her new lover.
I am so sorry about this. Stay with us. It is going to be rough.
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I'm just going to cut her loose, get my stuff back. She can't afford her own cell phone so maybe he'll get her one. Think I might wait until close to the weekend of the trip before I turn it off though.
She will have to afford her own everything. That is the deal.
You can not be in a relationship with two people. She seems to think you can at the moment.
In the end most of you guys were right, I could have hung around a while and played the waiting game but that's no way to live.
Trying to be friends was just prolonging the inevitable, we could have never gotten along while she runs around trying to "find" herself.
I actually stayed calm throughout this and when she finally stopped denying everything she just resorted to firing insults all day via txt.
She started digging back 10 years for things to complain about, and when she ran out of ideas hit me with the old standby, controlling. I've never heard her say that the entire 12 years, and I've been anything but controlling, unless she means I prevented her from having affairs maybe.
I told her get her own cell phone, took my ring back, although she doesn't know about that yet, should be fun. It's by no means hope diamond but it was a huge commitment on a ring for me, 25K.
Her mother is going to help her with everything, fitting as she was definitely an obstacle between us. Funny part of that is she thinks she's getting her daughter all to herself again, has no idea she's simply jumping from one relationship to another.
Feels a lot better, now I can read everyone else's depressing stories.
You know this isn't "over" right? Unless you decide that you're done, that is.
Now that you've busted her out of fantasy land, it's gonna be up to OM to fulfill all her needs because she no longer has both of you. Then reality will begin to set in for her. Many exes come crawling back at that point.
hang in there brother,
You do understand your chick is going off the same script mine did and many here at TAM.
The blameshifting and "now that you did that" b*llsh*t is exactly what we all hear, I'm having a sence that you were prepared for it hence the calmness in you. Is that correct?
If she goes on that trip tell her you will consider it abandonment and will pack her stuff up and ship it to her mothers or store it. If there is any chance of R that trip will take it all away for you. The sad part is it may give her a dose of reality and want you back when she returns...a case of "that the grass is not always greener".
Now is the time to prepare your self and protect your self finacialy
turn the phone of now
close all joint accounts
see your doctor for some meds
see a lawyer for your options
If she choose to go on this trip inform here that she will not be welcome back and she will need get her own place and her own utilites, including cell. Finacially you are warning her b/c she will be coming back to nothing.
As tough as these tactics seem, it is a reality she needs to face before the trip, the sooner you start the sooner she will see the consequences for her actions.
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Re: Need help with EA, "space" 
