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Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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Old 05-08-2012, 03:47 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Serial Cheaters - Narcissists

A typical reason for infidelity is that one spouse may be a narcissist who often becomes a serial cheater. The narcissist is most likely to have many affairs and will pursue anyone they can manipulate with their boundless words and actions.

Narcissists are self-absorbed and tend to be highly charming. They have a constant need for admiration. They view all events in terms of how the events impact them and them alone. They are master manipulators and feel an "emotional high" with each new conquest. Their behavior is often impulsive which can appear exciting. These individuals lack compassion unless it helps them achieve their goals. They are unwilling to see or consider anything from another person's viewpoint. They will continue the emotional control with a target until the relationship becomes too burdensome. They utilize no moral boundaries in their pursuit of admiration and physical activity from the opposite sex; frequently offering marriage, promises, baptism, children, etc. Literally - whatever the target "needs to hear" in order to close the deal is what the narcissist will say and do. Their targets are usually married which heightens the feeling of conquest. They frequently have several affairs going on at once with no regard to the damage caused by their reckless pursuit of self-gratification. Narcissists develop specialized talents such as crying on cue, "elegantly" deceiving without stumble, saying just the right things at just the right time, etc. all designed to aid in attaining their goal.

Their behavior is more than a lack of self-esteem. It goes to the very core of the individual's personality and is a pervasive aspect of their lifestyle. This character flaw prevents them from keeping marriage vows and in the vast majority of cases narcissists will forever cheat on their spouse(s). It is interesting to note that narcissists rarely divorce and will fight tooth and nail to remain married. This is believed to go along with the "need to be accepted by all" mentality that narcissists possess. As strong as their need is to conquer outside their marriage; they turn into weeping idiots if/when their spouse even suggests divorc
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Old 05-08-2012, 07:00 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Omg , you have described my huband to the tee . I should send it to the ow since she thinks he loves her , well he's 48 and shes 21 she would probably need help reading and understanding this..lol thank you for posting this .
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Old 05-08-2012, 07:28 PM   #3 (permalink)
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what is the best way to make reality hit this type of person
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Old 05-08-2012, 07:35 PM   #4 (permalink)
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The best thing you can do if you are involved with a NPD is to run and have no contact, if possible.
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Old 05-08-2012, 07:49 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by sinnalo13 View Post
Serial Cheaters - Narcissists

A typical reason for infidelity is that one spouse may be a narcissist who often becomes a serial cheater. The narcissist is most likely to have many affairs and will pursue anyone they can manipulate with their boundless words and actions.

Narcissists are self-absorbed and tend to be highly charming. They have a constant need for admiration. They view all events in terms of how the events impact them and them alone. They are master manipulators and feel an "emotional high" with each new conquest. Their behavior is often impulsive which can appear exciting. These individuals lack compassion unless it helps them achieve their goals. They are unwilling to see or consider anything from another person's viewpoint. They will continue the emotional control with a target until the relationship becomes too burdensome. They utilize no moral boundaries in their pursuit of admiration and physical activity from the opposite sex; frequently offering marriage, promises, baptism, children, etc. Literally - whatever the target "needs to hear" in order to close the deal is what the narcissist will say and do. Their targets are usually married which heightens the feeling of conquest. They frequently have several affairs going on at once with no regard to the damage caused by their reckless pursuit of self-gratification. Narcissists develop specialized talents such as crying on cue, "elegantly" deceiving without stumble, saying just the right things at just the right time, etc. all designed to aid in attaining their goal.

Their behavior is more than a lack of self-esteem. It goes to the very core of the individual's personality and is a pervasive aspect of their lifestyle. This character flaw prevents them from keeping marriage vows and in the vast majority of cases narcissists will forever cheat on their spouse(s). It is interesting to note that narcissists rarely divorce and will fight tooth and nail to remain married. This is believed to go along with the "need to be accepted by all" mentality that narcissists possess. As strong as their need is to conquer outside their marriage; they turn into weeping idiots if/when their spouse even suggests divorc
You just described my husband.. Is this consider a disease? So, marriage counseling is a big waste of time and money.
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Old 05-08-2012, 08:00 PM   #6 (permalink)
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It is a tough diagnosis, May. But, if he really has NPD, yes, counseling is useless.
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Old 05-08-2012, 08:06 PM   #7 (permalink)
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what is the best way to make reality hit this type of person
Exposure.

The need to be accepted by everyone and the need to have everyone like them makes them especially susceptible to exposure. They can't stand the thought of people hating them or looking down on them. That's my theory anyway.
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Old 05-08-2012, 08:31 PM   #8 (permalink)
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I agree with Lordmayhem. Exposure and unacceptance by a lot of people would be poison for such an individual. It would be devastating to someone with this nature. Is it 'payback' time? No, just teaching someone one of life's important lesson! That is how I feel!
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Old 05-08-2012, 09:17 PM   #9 (permalink)
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What if they are not charming and do not have constant need for admiration - but cheat constantly - will that be described as narcissist too?

My ex husband was dull as anything, socially awkward and was about as charming as a piece of wood. Kind of a little geeky too. He cheated on me (and on all the other girls) throughout the entire duration of our almost 10-year marriage. He also exhibited autistic traits, so the cheating behavior was always the same.
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Old 05-08-2012, 09:33 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: Serial cheaters

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Originally Posted by sinnalo13 View Post
Serial Cheaters - Narcissists

A typical reason for infidelity is that one spouse may be a narcissist who often becomes a serial cheater. The narcissist is most likely to have many affairs and will pursue anyone they can manipulate with their boundless words and actions.

Narcissists are self-absorbed and tend to be highly charming. They have a constant need for admiration. They view all events in terms of how the events impact them and them alone. They are master manipulators and feel an "emotional high" with each new conquest. Their behavior is often impulsive which can appear exciting. These individuals lack compassion unless it helps them achieve their goals. They are unwilling to see or consider anything from another person's viewpoint. They will continue the emotional control with a target until the relationship becomes too burdensome. They utilize no moral boundaries in their pursuit of admiration and physical activity from the opposite sex; frequently offering marriage, promises, baptism, children, etc. Literally - whatever the target "needs to hear" in order to close the deal is what the narcissist will say and do. Their targets are usually married which heightens the feeling of conquest. They frequently have several affairs going on at once with no regard to the damage caused by their reckless pursuit of self-gratification. Narcissists develop specialized talents such as crying on cue, "elegantly" deceiving without stumble, saying just the right things at just the right time, etc. all designed to aid in attaining their goal.

Their behavior is more than a lack of self-esteem. It goes to the very core of the individual's personality and is a pervasive aspect of their lifestyle. This character flaw prevents them from keeping marriage vows and in the vast majority of cases narcissists will forever cheat on their spouse(s). It is interesting to note that narcissists rarely divorce and will fight tooth and nail to remain married. This is believed to go along with the "need to be accepted by all" mentality that narcissists possess. As strong as their need is to conquer outside their marriage; they turn into weeping idiots if/when their spouse even suggests divorc

This is a spot on description of my husband,, he is in the "fighting tooth and nail" stage of trying to save our marriage.. even though I had him move out while separated... because of infidelity... Did you find this on a certain web site? If so, where? Would love to read more on it.
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Old 05-08-2012, 10:42 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Omg , you have described my huband to the tee . I should send it to the ow since she thinks he loves her , well he's 48 and shes 21 she would probably need help reading and understanding this..lol thank you for posting this .
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No problem. I posted it because this is my husband. & I wanted to let people know why these people do what they do.
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Old 05-08-2012, 10:45 PM   #12 (permalink)
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This is a spot on description of my husband,, he is in the "fighting tooth and nail" stage of trying to save our marriage.. even though I had him move out while separated... because of infidelity... Did you find this on a certain web site? If so, where? Would love to read more on it.
I posted a thread of my own & somebody told me that my husband was a serial cheater and I researched and found this and decided to share it. This is a point on description of my husband. Right down to every detail. Just google "Characteristics of a serial cheater" & you will find a lot of information. Here's the link.

Advice pleeeease?
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Old 05-10-2012, 02:10 AM   #13 (permalink)
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I researched it also a few months back and read something similiar but i googled compulsive liar and serial cheater..
Quote:
Originally Posted by sinnalo13 View Post
I posted a thread of my own & somebody told me that my husband was a serial cheater and I researched and found this and decided to share it. This is a point on description of my husband. Right down to every detail. Just google "Characteristics of a serial cheater" & you will find a lot of information. Here's the link.

Advice pleeeease?
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Old 05-10-2012, 08:38 AM   #14 (permalink)
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Wow, never really looked at this aspect of it, but it describes my STBXH exactly! Now at least I can express clearly everything I have seen and dealt with where others can understand too!
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Old 05-10-2012, 09:21 AM   #15 (permalink)
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I left my serial cheating husband. It wasn't long after we were married to take note of the horrid decision I made. Plus, having a child by this person that is not a man.

His gf moved in 3 days after I left. Even though she was living with him, he was always trying to get me back. The only reason he wanted me back is that I wanted nothing to do with him and his abusive ways. He blames his misery on me, still to this day, 18 years later.

He remarried to the gf that moved in. I know of 3 women he cheated with on her. I'm positive there are several more. He lacks family orientation and spends most his free time sleeping with other women. He still to this day does not work more then 20 hours per week.

My ex has more problems then just being a serial cheater. I'm glad I made a decision early to divorce him. I'm so much happier with a man that fully respects me. It's nice to relax and trust 100%.

However, my ex was never charming. Just angry all the time.
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