jinba, you know no one is going to advocate contacting her.
You already lobbed a grenade into her house. Your problem isn't with her, it's with your husband.
Just precisely why isn't her number blocked from his phone? this can be done at the carrier level. And he should be super wiling to do it for you. When you have that conversation with him, you need to sit down One Last Time and explain what No Contact means. Figure out what your hard line reaction will be to breaking contact and carefully convey this. You have to be ready to take action or you're just setting yourself up for giving the seal of approval to a cycle that clearly was never fully broken.
And if he refuses? I'd take the phone and destroy it, and tell him to move out.
Good point - he claimed he didn't recognize the number because she's changed cell phone companies - okay - not sure I'm buying that, but he has it now - telling him to block it is a great idea - thanks!
Just talked to H - had him read me their text string - nothing threatening on the surface, but I'm still very disappointed in him for responding - especially without talking to me first.
Told him now that he has her number to block it - said he would see if that could be done - which I know it can be - but he has to do it by choice so I left it to him.
In some ways I feel like I'm stirring the pot - but it feels good to get it all out there and to stop suffering in silence. H hates talking about it - but I finally told him he has no choice because of the choice he made to cheat. Getting past this is a two way street - no detours or forks in the road - he has to buck up.
Along with NC comes slippups on his part; be prepared for that. In no way does that mean he's not committed to reconcilliation, though. Humans screw up from time to time. Keep your eyes open, too. Best wishes!
Thanks CandieGirl - you're right - and I know a certain amount of patience on my part is necessary. I can (and will) work with him now - since it's all out there I don't have to go it alone anymore - huge step for us!
Still can't get over the OW texting him to "warn him" though - wonder if her H knows she did that? NOT - maybe I should let him know that too - full exposure, right?
If she continues contacting your H, then yes. Of course she's going to warn him. She's playing up that you are the crazy wife. Let her fall flat on her face. She's a serial cheater, and Polish Catholic or not, she'll get hers.
I've decided on full disclosure - just sent her H a message telling him about her texts - she's playing a vicious game and it's high time someone kept him in the loop. So for every message, phone call, etc. that she uses to invade my life, I will share with her H and invade hers. Turn about is fair play in my book - and I'm not the one who put us here - so I think I have the advantage at this point.
Still can't get over the OW texting him to "warn him" though - wonder if her H knows she did that? NOT - maybe I should let him know that too - full exposure, right?
You said the texts were innocuous. Did they sound at all as if they had never broken contact? When I discovered a cache of old emails my husband sent his AP years ago, I suddenly learned they had been in contact for months during a time that I thought contact was over. As I tried to figure out how long "no contact" was (3 weeks? 5 weeks?) what I noticed was that the very oldest emails post-NC sounded as if they were ALREADY back in contact. So the oldest emails I could find aren't the oldest ones, just the oldest ones that weren't deleted. Do you follow?
Yes - I think I follow - but no, there was no indication that there was ongoing contact. Her message was "Hi - thought you should know **** sent a two page letter to **** at work - not good. Were you aware?" He responded with "no". She replied that she didn't want to get involved but thought he should know - he responded with the "TX" and that was it.
Kind of cracks me up that she would choose to say she "doesn't want to get involved" - duh - then why the text?
Kind of cracks me up that she would choose to say she "doesn't want to get involved" - duh - then why the text?
No, no no! the reason that's so funny is she caught HPV from someone ELSE and gave it to your H who gave it to you, so YOU could tell HER husband! 'not involved' indeed
She is a drama queen, no doubt, that's why she wants to get involved. And I don't blame you for texting her H. That's probably what I would have done, too.
She is definitely a drama queen - and not very bright. I told my H that I sent the message to her H informing him of her contact - can't hide things if I don't want him to, right?
Her next "avoidance of involvement" might be a real hoot - stay tuned!
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Re: Exposure - is no news good news? 
