jinba

As some of you might remember, I mailed an exposure letter to OW's H last Monday, and he should have received it by now. I really expected a response ... from someone. Mostly I thought OW would call my H and come unglued.

I've heard nothing - is this a good thing?

Shaggy

I might mean she intercepted it. That's why I don't like doing this stuff by the mail since you don't know if it got through.

do you have a phone number to call?

jinba

I dropped it in the mail at the local post office and sent it to her husbands office - no way it could have been intercepted by her or my H.

Shaggy

Then maybe OWH has been gaslighted - the other possibility is the mail room intercepted it as non-work related.

lordmayhem

Did you send the mail certified so that only he could sign for it? Did you include a request for him to contact you so that you know if he received it or not? Any number of things could have happened:

• OW already spun a story to her BH, telling him that a batsh!t crazy jealous woman may try to contact him and she's out to ruin her marriage, so he shouldn't believe anything coming from you
• OWH is having his DDay as a result of your letter and is still processing things and may be in shock

Either way, you did the right thing. OWH deserves to know this information about what kind of woman he's married to and decide the course of his own marriage. And it helps kill the affair in many instances. Whether he contacts you or not is up to him.

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jinba

OWH knows about the relationship - no denying that. My letter exposed the depth of that relationship and that it was a PA - resulting in me contracting HPV. Prior to my diagnosis, both OWH and I were duped into believing there was no PC - duh, we should have known better.

Don't think mail room would have intercepted either - he's pretty high up on the totem pole and it's a business in a small community.

I'm really wondering if he just doesn't give a damn anymore. She's put him through hell - so maybe he didn't bother sharing it with her, figuring if she has the HPV and suffers because of it that it's deserved.

It's just driving me a bit crazy I guess - I was prepared for some sort of fall out - but, maybe I worried over nothing?

jinba

Guess he could be out of town too - he does travel for work sometimes.

sunshinetoday

Or he could be in shock and not ready to talk to you. Maybe he is doing some of his own PI work? Who knows, even though I think you did the right thing in sending the letter, this guy might need time to process everything, esp if he had no idea. Also to him your letter is not proof, but an accusation so he may need time to gather his own evidence. Plus I expect he is making a Dr. appt!

Hopefully you will hear something soon!

Almostrecovered

There's a chance owh already knows about the hpv because contracted it and have it to his wife from his own cheating

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jinba

Guess I never thought of that - I'd be shocked if that were the case as OWH is an extremely devout Catholic - but anything is possible.

I did discover he has a FB account - I don't want to "friend" him, but I think I could "message" him and ask ... but should I? Or should I just wait and see if anything comes of this?

Grayson

Or, he may just be handling things "in house." When my W's first EA was initially exposed to me, OMW left her phone number in case I wanted to contact her. While I considered doing so, I never did. In 20/20 hindsight, I wish I had. No telling what information she might have given me. But, all water under the bridge now.
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jinba

You're probably right Grayson - I think he's somewhat of a private person to begin with - so that would make sense.

lamaga

Jinba, I would definitely NOT message him via FB or any other means. You have sent the letter. Now leave it alone and let him deal with his own life as he sees fit.

iheartlife

If you message him via facebook, I would just include the text of the letter verbatim, no need to say anything new or different, that way he could see (if he already received the letter) that this was all it was, nothing more.

I always think it's impossible to read anything into total silence.

jinba

Good advice Iamaga - I'd pretty much decided that for myself, but the reinforcement helps!