I took your advice and asked my wife to do this. I told her I felt she owed it to me. I was expecting pushback, and her usual reply of, "well, let's talk to the counselor." Instead I got, "OK, that seems reasonable. Let's think about a good time to get everyone together."
I was floored. I said thank you and she said, I didn't need to, that I should expect things like this from her. WOW! I am at a high point since D-day. We are doing a devotional together and it has really helped. I am more hopeful than ever. Thanks Morituri for the suggestion.
Wow. That's definitely a good sign. I think you two may be able to recover successfully.
so today I was going through old email. I can't seem to get a good thing going. I have had a feeling there was more to the affair, possibly other guys. I have no proof, but some small signs. The thing is, after realizing my instincts were right, now I am hypersensitive, thinking I am always right. Maybe I'm right in my suspicion, maybe not. She swears it was just the one OM, and has worked hard at R, but part of me just can't let it go.
I may be torpedoing the whole thing. It's a double edged sword. Lack of trust is a motherf-er. It haunts me. One minute I want it to work, then next I want to blow it up. The mind movies are taking their toll. I asked for details and got them. They did a couple things she would never do for me. Now I can't sleep.
Part of me says, follow her current actions- she is working hard at R. Part of me says, she will never tell the truth for fear it is so bad I won't be able to handle it.
I have a long recording from her car from d-day-1. She was busy, on the phone with OM, and had a friend in the car who knew. It is a real a$$ kicker. Talk of D, talk of her issues with wanting the a$$hole guy etc. It alludes to there being other guys, but not exactly. Know what I mean? She vehemently denies, but also knows if I knew about more i would walk. I am a man tormented.
I hear your pain and torture trying to work on R but being separated and wishing for a R it's hard for me to relate. I have been trying to read Divorce Remedy but it just doesn't fit my situation with her not wanting to give up the EA (supposedly no longer physical.....) I guess regardless of our situations we are all to strive to improve ourselves and be able to respect ourselves in the end.
Slater, be sure to tell her that the things she did with him and didn't do with you, defined her. They say everything about her and nothing about you. You asked her to do those things out of love and a sense of adventure in your marriage. She gave it to him that way out of obligation (because she had no respect for herself. ie she was already treating herself like *****, why should he treat her any different). The difference......he used her....you loved her. Ask her which way made her feel better about herself?
I took your advice and asked my wife to do this. I told her I felt she owed it to me. I was expecting pushback, and her usual reply of, "well, let's talk to the counselor." Instead I got, "OK, that seems reasonable. Let's think about a good time to get everyone together."
I was floored. I said thank you and she said, I didn't need to, that I should expect things like this from her. WOW! I am at a high point since D-day. We are doing a devotional together and it has really helped. I am more hopeful than ever. Thanks Morituri for the suggestion.
Follow up-
Our meeting is set for Tuesday morning. We discussed it with our MC and she thought it was great, but wanted to be sure my WW had a plan in place. Ill let you all know how it goes. We had a great date last night. I am trying hard not to sabotage this.
What Mori said about her confessing the truth to her parents is exactly the condition I put on my fWW. I will never know what she said to her mother in fact, but during the time of her affairs her father changed his will and "wrote me out" due to her complaints. I really could care less.
She pleaded with me to not tell them the truth. I told her I was not going to have a relationship with them anymore unless they knew the truth of her betrayal (800lb gorilla in corner), but I would not tell them. That was her responsibility. We met in their kitchen a few days after dday and I just sat there and watched as their impression of their perfect little "princess", "pumpkin", "darling" was changed forever.
What Mori said about her confessing the truth to her parents is exactly the condition I put on my fWW. I will never know what she said to her mother in fact, but during the time of her affairs her father changed his will and "wrote me out" due to her complaints. I really could care less.
She pleaded with me to not tell them the truth. I told her I was not going to have a relationship with them anymore unless they knew the truth of her betrayal (800lb gorilla in corner), but I would not tell them. That was her responsibility. We met in their kitchen a few days after dday and I just sat there and watched as their impression of their perfect little "princess", "pumpkin", "darling" was changed forever.
I know EXACTLY how you felt. Afyer d-day- I exposed to her parents and brother. But I didn't know it all- she was TTing me. And when she told her father she didn't even tell him what I knew. 3 days later I had 95% of it. I called him to tell him the REAL truth, because like you "I was not going to have a relationship with them anymore unless they knew the truth of her betrayal" Her dad and I haven't spoken since.
Its amazing how the infidelity can have a chain of effected poeple a mile long.
Thanks for sharing slater, I hope some waywards see this and realize the chain of poeple that are effected by there choices.
Can I assume that you and FIL had a good relationship before your wife desided to step out of the marriage?
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Re: Fallout 
