One of the ancillary issues that bugs the **** out of me is that many of my WW's family and friends think I'm an ******* because to justify her affair she began to malign me to herself and her friends and family. I know her family thinks all the things she has been telling them for years are true and the same with her friends. The issue with her friends I can deal with- I asked her to go NC with all of them that knew (1 or 2) and she has agreed. But she can't go NC with her family.
Part of me wants her to write a letter to them saying I was not a bad husband etc all this time but that she fabricated it to rationalize the A and that in fact I am a great guy and she doesn't really deserve me. Maybe they know this, but none of them will ever say it. IDK. It just bothers me that her lies are still out there. Anyone else deal with this? Posted via Mobile Device
DO IT. In fact forget the letter, have her do it face to face with you and her parents and all other members of her side of the family being present. It should be a non-negotiable condition for you to stay married to her.
Since she destroyed your reputation, she should be doing everything to restore it. It doesn't make sense that hers remains intact while yours is being tarnished. This should've been one of your conditions for reconciliation.
DO IT. In fact forget the letter, have her do it face to face with you and her parents and all other members of her side of the family being present. It should be a non-negotiable condition for you to stay married to her.
Great idea! Besides, having her write a letter is too formal for the family. They will just think that slater forced her to write it. Better it comes from her mouth in a face to face meeting.
Besides, having her write a letter is too formal for the family. They will just think that slater forced her to write it. Better it comes from her mouth in a face to face meeting.
Indeed. It is very hard for anybody to argue duress if she's in front of her entire FOO.
[QUOTE=slater;734308]One of the ancillary issues that bugs the **** out of me is that many of my WW's family and friends think I'm an ******* because to justify her affair she began to malign me to herself and her friends and family. I know her family thinks all the things she has been telling them for years are true and the same with her friends. The issue with her friends I can deal with- I asked her to go NC with all of them that knew (1 or 2) and she has agreed. But she can't go NC with her family.
My WS also blamed me for everything initially. The marriage counselor pointed out his own contradictions to those lies.
I am a good wife. I married him when he did not even have a job, worked and supported us so he could take his time looking for a good job. Worked for years afterward contributing to household bills
Then his career started to really take off and he was making really good money and that is when he started his affair. He could afford it and was full of himself.
As the MC asked him. If I a so terrible, why all of a sudden is he afraid to lose me.
He has admitted to counselor that I am a good wife....cautious with my spending, taking care of him when sick, affectionate to him and kind to others.
IMO, the blame is a way to soften their guilt. It's not rooted in reality, it's simply a defense mechanism they use to protect their own mind.
Slater, lots of good advice above, but keep in mind that it may make no difference -- they are going to think what they are going to think, and alas, you simply cannot control what other people think of you. You are certainly justified in asking her to set the record straight, but once that's done, you need to let it go. Their opinions are not your problem.
DO IT. In fact forget the letter, have her do it face to face with you and her parents and all other members of her side of the family being present. It should be a non-negotiable condition for you to stay married to her.
I took your advice and asked my wife to do this. I told her I felt she owed it to me. I was expecting pushback, and her usual reply of, "well, let's talk to the counselor." Instead I got, "OK, that seems reasonable. Let's think about a good time to get everyone together."
I was floored. I said thank you and she said, I didn't need to, that I should expect things like this from her. WOW! I am at a high point since D-day. We are doing a devotional together and it has really helped. I am more hopeful than ever. Thanks Morituri for the suggestion.
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