Why did you decide to throw caution to the wind and do something you know is going to really piss her off and throw a relatively peaceful divorce settlement out the window?
I'll tell you why. Because she can't win. It may seem petty and immature, but screw that. She wants to grab some d*ck someplace else. It is not going to be free and easy.
If there was no one outside the marriage, I'd say sure, let us move on. But that isn't the case here.
I'll tell you why. Because she can't win. It may seem petty and immature, but screw that. She wants to grab some d*ck someplace else. It is not going to be free and easy.
If there was no one outside the marriage, I'd say sure, let us move on. But that isn't the case here.
You're not being petty or immature, you're being reactive and your actions are based on emotion not reason and common sense.
You piss her off, and you're headed down a long hard road of litigation, expensive legal fees and uncertain decisions by the courts.
Play it cool, take the high road, and save yourself a bunch of aggravation, money, attain your goals and get your life rebooted that much faster.
I've been through a high conflict divorce that spanned many years and saw my children alienated from me. I got one of them back but they were the worst years of my life.
Don't go down that road if you can avoid it. You might cause her some grief but you're doing even more damage to yourself.
I think you should hold off on work exposure, maybe all exposure, and use the threat of exposure as leveraage in the divorce. I said this before but it bears repeating: do not make the threat explicit.
You have a truly evil wife and you are getting a get out of jail free card. Expose post divorce.
your actions are based on emotion not reason and common sense....I've been through a high conflict divorce that spanned many years and saw my children alienated from me. I got one of them back but they were the worst years of my life.
He needs exposure to counter his pending demonization at the hands of WW. It's all about who controls the narrative: truth or lies.
She hasn't made any decisions she has you her 1st life and all that come with the day to day stuff like bils and parenting, and her 2nd life were she has OM for the excitement and taboo fun.
You will soon bring this all down on her and *then* a decision will be made, but it seems that dicicsion will be made for her by YOU.
Stay strong and your efforts will pay off.
Was it your STBXW that had an over night work trip or was that another thread? IS that when it went PA?
Lots of self doubt today. I am convinced that the underwear test is going to come back negative. All this does is make me look stupid. And I made a huge mistake yesterday. My STBXW was out with our oldest son when she got called to work. There was an accident there. She arranged for a friend of hers to come pick up our son and bring him home. I talked to my wife's friend and told her my suspicions and what proof I had. She swore herself to secrecy but I messed up bad there. Now I feel like some paranoid jerk. Posted via Mobile Device
Lots of self doubt today. I am convinced that the underwear test is going to come back negative. All this does is make me look stupid. And I made a huge mistake yesterday. My STBXW was out with our oldest son when she got called to work. There was an accident there. She arranged for a friend of hers to come pick up our son and bring him home. I talked to my wife's friend and told her my suspicions and what proof I had. She swore herself to secrecy but I messed up bad there. Now I feel like some paranoid jerk. Posted via Mobile Device
Why do you see this as a bad thing? Your wife does not know you suspect her?
Suck it up brother and keep your eye on the prize. Come on now, you have some dambing stuff, your just waiting for the smoking gun so stop assuming and wait for the results.
Trust your gut and stay focused, don't lose it now, youve come a long way....you can do it!!!!!!
I'm curious to know if she realy had to work, can you prove?
I really appreciate everyone's advice and support here. I truly and honestly do. This has been the most surreal journey I ever hope to be on.
However, I am going to take a break from the forums for a couple of days. I need to clear my head. It is tough for me to explain - I don't want to say that this is a toxic place because again, everyone has the best of intentions. There is a lot of experience here and I respect that. That is what I cherish the most from here, those who say that there is a light at the end of the darkness. Things improve and move on.
But right now, I am too messed up emotionally to take anymore of it in. I look back at what I have done, both in my time in my marriage where I wasn't ideal, and my actions since my "Spidey-Sense" when into overdrive. I am not proud of some of the actions I have undertaken. If I am proven wrong in all this, it will be tough to look anyone involved in their eyes again.
I've scrubbed the "evidence" I have several times. Everything can be explained away. The worst I can say is that she has loose boundaries that her next relationship will need to tighten. It could really come down to that I wasn't good enough for her.
What I really need to focus on is how I am going to move forward in my life. I live in a place where I have no family and no close friends. I have to rebuild my life. And it is going to be tough. My STBXW will land on her feet. She always has. She is strong, stubborn and committed. That is what attracted to me to her in the first place. I seem to have outlived my usefulness.
I've reread my message so far and it sounds too whiny. I am not looking for sympathy. Far from it. It is a challenge I tackle, but has uncertain results. I have four great kids. I have fond memories of our time together. I will try and do the best I can.
There was a comment earlier in this thread where the poster said something along the lines of "I don't think you'll ever be happy in this marriage". Those words have really sunk in. I can keep fighting, but she isn't coming back. It is a shame. I'll carry regret about this the rest of my days, but I've learned a lot about myself and how I need to approach relationships. I wished I'd learned this when I was 17, but hey.
Again, I really and honestly respect and care for all of you trying to help me out. And I will be back. At the end of the day, and please no one feel guilty about this, I was too enamored of the success stories on here (DailyGrind for staying together, Shamwow for being obviously right, etc.) that I held out too much false hope. Sometimes, it doesn't work. It could have been stopped a million times before, but it didn't. Life isn't fair, but it always has options.
I have found someone to talk to about this though because of this. Funny how the world works.
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Re: EA has moved to PA - need plan of attack 
