Not sure if wife cheated....need advice
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Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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Old 05-10-2012, 09:52 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Not sure if wife cheated....need advice

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Last edited by Ballin21; 05-10-2012 at 09:44 PM.
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Old 05-10-2012, 10:05 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Not sure if wife cheated....need advice

I have to say I'm not really clear on what your question is. You have divorced her right? Or have you just had her served with papers and not finalized?

Either way - based on the info you posted she's not remorseful for her actions so keep walking. As new as the marriage was you need to make her walk over broken glass proving her remorse before you even begin to think about taking her back. If you don't make sure to leave a scar she'll never forget and you take her back - you'll be here again.
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Old 05-10-2012, 10:07 AM   #3 (permalink)
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I'm confused are now divorced from her?

You've been lied to and gaslighted by her and her whole family. She has clearly been having an affair and her family is more ths happy to help her do it.

I don't see you saving this one. Time to seek an annulment if you can and walk away. She has clearly chosen him over you.
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Old 05-10-2012, 10:14 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Not sure if wife cheated....need advice

Yes I am divorced now but went through with it when I had asked her to come with me on work trip as a way of re-igniting a spark and build on a fun experience, but she said no she was going to up to ? (tix he bought). She said it was her dad's b-day and all. I told her if you didnt come with me were over. It was the line in the sand that she needed to prioritize what was important. She also wound up extending the trip an extra day and she says her father wanted her to stay one more day.

She says she doesnt speak to this other guy anymore, but I have no proof of it? She was never this overly sexual person in the relationship and was rather a prude so it doesnt fit her personality to do this...

Im likely bargaining with myself trying to steer this situation to what I want. How can I fix this?

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Old 05-10-2012, 10:16 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Not sure if wife cheated....need advice

Oh, Ballin. Honey, I don't think you can fix this. You are divorced, and she seems to be fine with that, from what you say.

I think you need to fix your own life.
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Old 05-10-2012, 10:16 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Not sure if wife cheated....need advice

This is not the wife you were looking for. Move on. Find someone who can love you and not have sex with other men.
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Old 05-10-2012, 10:17 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: Not sure if wife cheated....need advice

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ballin21 View Post
Funny im divorced but still keeping up hope. If it was anyone of my closets friends or faily I would say run!

Thanks!
Follow your own advice. Let her go. You're divorced and still pining for her to come back to you. If she still loved you, she would be the one trying to win you back. It's over.

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Old 05-10-2012, 10:18 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: Not sure if wife cheated....need advice

You already know what your going to hear and you already know what you have to do. Man up and do it. Move on.

You got a lemon dude, this is open and shut. Let go of the day dreams about fixing it, it's fuct. She's fuct.

Go out and slam a few beers, hit the titty bar and celebrate the fact you didn't have kids with this harpy.

Sorry your here bro. Sucks.

Suggestion= FTW:FTW
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Old 05-10-2012, 10:22 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: Not sure if wife cheated....need advice

His ex wife dont want him, her family dont want him then why the hell you are chasing her to come back. One thing is sure it was not you who filed for D.

Move on man, there is a beautiful world beyond her as$ hole. Move on with your life, find a girl who is faithful to you, who treat you better, who loves and care you.

Your ex wife is your past, get rid of your past and look into future.
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Old 05-10-2012, 10:23 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: Not sure if wife cheated....need advice

Ironically enough - it's even odds that if you finally do really let her go and go indifferent on her she'll suddenly get much more interested in you. Don't fall for it if she does.
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Old 05-10-2012, 10:24 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: Not sure if wife cheated....need advice

Don't put yourself back into it now that you've just got out of it.I know it may not seem like it at the moment,but time and distance will overcome the pain and eventually you'll get back into the dance.At least you should be really happy you don't have to deal with her family for the rest of your life.What a terrible crew! My view is that your life just took a turn for the better.Take care.
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Old 05-10-2012, 10:24 AM   #12 (permalink)
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I hope you got tested for STD's.
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Old 05-10-2012, 10:25 AM   #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: Not sure if wife cheated....need advice

She says she wants me now and that she wants to work on us. She swears that she never had any physical contact with any other guy. Maybe Im just so naive, but I beleive her. Whether or not it was physical it still destroys the fact that another man had courted my ex-wife and she went along.

Im so hurt and I dont want to let go, even though legally im divorced. The collateral dmage is awful too with my family and friends b/c of all the people in the world I was the last person who deserved this.

Another amazing thing to add about the god awful nye weekend. That sunday night I saved an old womans life as she was choking and I perforomed the hemlich with her laying on her back. It was an out of body experience bc she would have died. No joke! She was blue and limp, and was in and out of conscioiusness. The whole restaurant exploeded with applause and I was on cloud 9, but only for a moment as my wife was away. I told her this story via text and she said some lame remark. I dont know about you but somewhere I was hoping to prove my worth and hvae her say she is lucky to have someone like me. Im not a big spiritual person, but I guess if she didnt leave I would have never been in that restaurant and saved this womans life.
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Old 05-10-2012, 10:29 AM   #14 (permalink)
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Default Re: Not sure if wife cheated....need advice

I presume you both are quite young (mid 20's)? Was she your first love? Yeah it's incredibly hard to get over but your job now is to do just that. Not your fault, some people are not ready for marriage. And sometimes even when they are, this mess can happen. Move forward, work on yourself and stop pining for a girl who (with the aid of her family) shut you out of her life within months of your wedding. Hit the gym, see a counselor to deal with your grief, and spend as much time w friends as possible. Eventually you'll stop spending that time talking/thinking about your ex. Do your best to forget her...good luck.
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Old 05-10-2012, 10:30 AM   #15 (permalink)
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Default Re: Not sure if wife cheated....need advice

She never filed for divorce she saw a lawyer and received council. Funny enough when I confronter her mother about it she was saying that she hoped she would get some advice and a better idea of what she was doing. Such BS i tell you. If you want advice seek a therapist, priset, rabbi, someone in the community you respect, not a divorce lawyer!

I was the one that filed. Just like everything else she never has the balls to confront or deal with issues, wants me to be the fall guy and handle everything.

That lawyer visit just demonstrates the mindset of her trip up to see this guy. She felt like she was free which is why i expect the worse.
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