It could very well be PPD.. I was hit with PPD very hard, if that is the case then she needs to get into her dr ASAP.
Locking her phone is BAD, if she has never before.. It means that she has something to hide in IMHO
What happened with your PPD? Did you do some of the same things? hate your husband out of nowhere? start looking for something else? dont mean to pry just want to understand it a little more from a personal perspective
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Anchorwatch - I have read a ton of books already. I red For Men Only...The 5 Love Languages...More than a carpenter...stuff like that...I read about postpartum to a large extent online...Its not about what I read anymore unfortunatley. I have to decide on a course of action and stick to it. Not blow up like i did. Foolishly i still think there is a chance and have to continue to work towards it...all im doing is hurting myself, but i will know at the end i gave my all and will be able to move on with no regrets.
Simple enough. Get rid of the other guy and any other outside influences that are working against you. Then get on an intentional program to win her back. Start by dating again, just like when you first met
Simple enough. Get rid of the other guy and any other outside influences that are working against you. Then get on an intentional program to win her back. Start by dating again, just like when you first met
All for that...how do i get rid of the outside influences...she will continue to talk to them...she has to get rid of them if she wante to make this work and has no reason to make it work in her mind
Gberg- This thread needs to move to the Coping with Infidelity section. A moderator can do that. You need help, and the folks that hang out in the CWI forum are the best.
You keep mentioning PPD. In my opinion it's the dreaded "fog." And you keep trying to get her to love you, to get things back to normal, but I'll bet that everything you're doing is pushing her farther away.
Gberg- This thread needs to move to the Coping with Infidelity section. A moderator can do that. You need help, and the folks that hang out in the CWI forum are the best.
You keep mentioning PPD. In my opinion it's the dreaded "fog." And you keep trying to get her to love you, to get things back to normal, but I'll bet that everything you're doing is pushing her farther away.
what is the "fog"? I am trying to get her to love me...but not by pushing...I am doing it through patience and working on myself and doing things that she needs and wants done...I dont talk to her about issues unless she brings it up and i dont try and touch her at her request...was doing pretty good too until yesterday when i looked at the phone...I never look at it... i stay ignorant and things may have progressed...now im back at square one and have to start all over...any progress that was made is shot out the window
Gberg, you saw that many here thought there was someone else in the picture. They were right. That's because these things are so predictable. It's a script, and it's almost always the same. The same will hold true for your attempts to fix things with your wife. There are certain things you might try on your own that are doomed to failure. I urge you to listen to the experts here and follow their advice. Don't think your situation is different. There might be variations, but generally these situations follow the same pattern.
Gberg, you saw that many here thought there was someone else in the picture. They were right. That's because these things are so predictable. It's a script, and it's almost always the same. The same will hold true for your attempts to fix things with your wife. There are certain things you might try on your own that are doomed to failure. I urge you to listen to the experts here and follow their advice. Don't think your situation is different. There might be variations, but generally these situations follow the same pattern.
The "fog" is the feel-good chemical, called dopamine your wife is experiencing being with the other man (OM). It's highly addicting, and makes her think she's in love with him. At the same time, you are appearing to her less as being less appealing. Actually you're in the way. She likes you for support and security but doesn't get those "in love" feelings, like she gets with this guy.
So it's probably not in anything you're doing wrong (except in your attempts to woo her back, which makes you appear repulsive to her) it's just the chemical that has a hold on her. What you need to do, instead of winning her back, is to blow up the affair. Like I said, the CWI forum know best how to do that.
what is the "fog"? I am trying to get her to love me...but not by pushing...I am doing it through patience and working on myself and doing things that she needs and wants done...I dont talk to her about issues unless she brings it up and i dont try and touch her at her request...was doing pretty good too until yesterday when i looked at the phone...I never look at it... i stay ignorant and things may have progressed...now im back at square one and have to start all over...any progress that was made is shot out the window
OK, he means she is in a fog, a fantasy, she can't think straight...she high on it, like a drug. I don't know how far along she is, but timely decisions are needed.
First move you thread to the infidelity sub forum. There you will get advice on how to proceed and form a plan. It wont be easy and you will need a strong resolve to do whats necessary. Take their advice, for your relationship's sake don't brush off what your told, if you want to try save it.
Remember both of you were responsible for the marriage, she alone is responsible for the affair.
I wish you good luck at your endeavor.
Please ask a moderator to move your thread to the Coping with Infidelity Forum.
I am sorry that you discovered that she is telling someone else that she's in love with them.
PPD could contribute to it but as cubby says, it isn't what is causing her to say "I Love You But I'm Not In Love With You." Perhaps she turned to someone else as an escape to lift her out of depression, but that is just an explanation for the depression, NOT an explanation for why she has made this supremely selfish choice.
Once has created a bond with this person, a secret private fantasy. Whenever she's down, she can escape into that world where there is no reality. She's gorgeous, he's a prince, and there are no screaming babies and dishes to wash.
You will not break that bond easily. She craves it like chocolate, or alcohol, or anything else that is a bad habit that is lots and lots of fun. She is going to need to feel some cold hard reality before she will wake up from her daydream.
You will have to prepare yourself to be strong and tough. Being extra sweet and loving to someone in her condition does nothing but make her like the other man more and build up additional disdain for you.
Please ask a moderator to move your thread to the Coping with Infidelity Forum.
I am sorry that you discovered that she is telling someone else that she's in love with them.
PPD could contribute to it but as cubby says, it isn't what is causing her to say "I Love You But I'm Not In Love With You." Perhaps she turned to someone else as an escape to lift her out of depression, but that is just an explanation for the depression, NOT an explanation for why she has made this supremely selfish choice.
Once has created a bond with this person, a secret private fantasy. Whenever she's down, she can escape into that world where there is no reality. She's gorgeous, he's a prince, and there are no screaming babies and dishes to wash.
You will not break that bond easily. She craves it like chocolate, or alcohol, or anything else that is a bad habit that is lots and lots of fun. She is going to need to feel some cold hard reality before she will wake up from her daydream.
You will have to prepare yourself to be strong and tough. Being extra sweet and loving to someone in her condition does nothing but make her like the other man more and build up additional disdain for you.
I can be strong and tough...not a problem...but i am a "nice guy" and cant be rude...its such a fine line
SOrry to be techinically challeneged a bit here...but where do i find a moderator to ask to have it moved...im looking around and dont see much
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Re: Question for Ladies that want to leave... 
