Pretty sure OM dumped her, don't feel as happy as I thought I would
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Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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Old 05-11-2012, 07:25 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Pretty sure OM dumped her, don't feel as happy as I thought I would

Little backstory. In January (near my birthday no less) I get the ILYBINILWY speech from my STBXW. We separated that day, have been ever since. Divorce filed 4/12/12. Found out through her little brother that she's been sleeping with a guy at her work she liked for at least 1.5 months now, if not more. I've been faithful.

I confronted her about it because she's been dumping our 2 kids with people to spend time with him when it's her time to have them. I thought that was wrong. She didn't know I knew until then.

Last Sunday when she came to pick up our youngest daughter was the first time we saw each other since I found out and confronted her. She looked...sad. Depressed. Maybe ashamed. She could barely look at my face. I acted completely normal. At this point I'm fairly numb to everything she's done. I find out today from one of our mutual friends that she's been awfully quiet lately and not saying much to anybody at work. My gut tells me OM dumped her...he's in an open marriage, and I guess told her it would only be a fling. Don't know if she has genuine feelings for the guy or not. I'm not hoping for and don't want R.

I guess the point of this thread is to say that finding out she got dumped, and therefore some of her comeuppance, didn't make me happy like I thought it would. It made me sad instead. Not because I feel bad for her (which I don't), but sad that this is what she threw away our family for. I can't help but ask, was it worth it? I'm full 180 now, have been for a while, so there's no way I'll ask her that now.

I'm just surprised that I wasn't jumping up and down for joy like I thought I would be. I wasn't expecting this reaction. Anybody else have this same experience?
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Old 05-11-2012, 07:43 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Pretty sure OM dumped her, don't feel as happy as I thought I would

Because the reaction you experienced is one of a morally strong, emotionally mature person.

These types of people take no joy in others misery.

It says more about your character that you do not feel that way.

That is the thing about WS, 95+% of the time, the grass is not greener, the fantasy is not reality and everything comes crashing down.

The "omg what I have I dones" end up being the worst feeling in the world.

You show character taking no joy from seeing that. You should be proud of that trait. There is no reason to question it.
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Old 05-11-2012, 07:44 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Pretty sure OM dumped her, don't feel as happy as I thought I would

My x was dumped by BF # 5, I did feel sorry for her but I got a bunch of good laughes out of it. I'm sure he was @ the house while I was still there and if she gave her family up for him??...Oh boy, she needs help!!
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Old 05-11-2012, 07:59 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Pretty sure OM dumped her, don't feel as happy as I thought I would

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Originally Posted by toolforgrowth View Post
Little backstory. In January (near my birthday no less) I get the ILYBINILWY speech from my STBXW. We separated that day, have been ever since. Divorce filed 4/12/12. Found out through her little brother that she's been sleeping with a guy at her work she liked for at least 1.5 months now, if not more. I've been faithful.

I confronted her about it because she's been dumping our 2 kids with people to spend time with him when it's her time to have them. I thought that was wrong. She didn't know I knew until then.

Last Sunday when she came to pick up our youngest daughter was the first time we saw each other since I found out and confronted her. She looked...sad. Depressed. Maybe ashamed. She could barely look at my face. I acted completely normal. At this point I'm fairly numb to everything she's done. I find out today from one of our mutual friends that she's been awfully quiet lately and not saying much to anybody at work. My gut tells me OM dumped her...he's in an open marriage, and I guess told her it would only be a fling. Don't know if she has genuine feelings for the guy or not. I'm not hoping for and don't want R.

I guess the point of this thread is to say that finding out she got dumped, and therefore some of her comeuppance, didn't make me happy like I thought it would. It made me sad instead. Not because I feel bad for her (which I don't), but sad that this is what she threw away our family for. I can't help but ask, was it worth it? I'm full 180 now, have been for a while, so there's no way I'll ask her that now.

I'm just surprised that I wasn't jumping up and down for joy like I thought I would be. I wasn't expecting this reaction. Anybody else have this same experience?
Despite being a cheating lying ****, you have a history and two kids with this woman. It is very normal not to be overjoyed by the troubles of others especially if you are not emotionally involved with that person. You have accepted and moved on. What she does or doesn't do no longer has a major effect on you. That is a good thing by the way.
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Old 05-11-2012, 08:00 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Pretty sure OM dumped her, don't feel as happy as I thought I would

How old are the kids? How is her relationship with them?
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Old 05-11-2012, 08:02 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Pretty sure OM dumped her, don't feel as happy as I thought I would

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Because the reaction you experienced is one of a morally strong, emotionally mature person.

These types of people take no joy in others misery.

It says more about your character that you do not feel that way.

That is the thing about WS, 95+% of the time, the grass is not greener, the fantasy is not reality and everything comes crashing down.

The "omg what I have I dones" end up being the worst feeling in the world.

You show character taking no joy from seeing that. You should be proud of that trait. There is no reason to question it.
Wow. Thank you very much for your kind words, I greatly appreciate it. That made my day.

I honestly don't know if she feels any remorse or guilt about what she has done. I hope she would, but in the end, it doesn't really matter.

On the plus side, I have my first date tonight since the separation. Reconnected with a real cool girl from high school; missed out on a good opportunity back in the day, don't want to miss out on it now.
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Old 05-11-2012, 08:04 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: Pretty sure OM dumped her, don't feel as happy as I thought I would

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How old are the kids? How is her relationship with them?
10 year old stepdaughter from a previous marriage, and a 4 year old biological daughter. Her relationship with them was pretty good before the separation. But since the PA started, I honestly have no clue. Except for the knowledge that she was pawning them off on people, which frankly tells me a lot.
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Old 05-11-2012, 08:11 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: Pretty sure OM dumped her, don't feel as happy as I thought I would

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10 year old stepdaughter from a previous marriage, and a 4 year old biological daughter. Her relationship with them was pretty good before the separation. But since the PA started, I honestly have no clue. Except for the knowledge that she was pawning them off on people, which frankly tells me a lot.
WTH? Can you keep the kids longer with yourself? This is going to be horrible for them.
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Old 05-11-2012, 08:16 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: Pretty sure OM dumped her, don't feel as happy as I thought I would

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WTH? Can you keep the kids longer with yourself? This is going to be horrible for them.
Trying. Almost got her to agree to a 43/57 parenting plan, but she ended up resisting after I confronted her about the A and refused to sign it after she said it would. I lawyered up right after that, but she doesn't know that yet. Although, she will next week when she gets the papers from my lawyer in the mail.

She's gonna hit the roof when she sees my response to the petition. I won't settle for anything less than my parenting plan.

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Old 05-11-2012, 08:22 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: Pretty sure OM dumped her, don't feel as happy as I thought I would

Keep us updated how it turns out.

Also go on dadsdivorce.com to see some tips on how to get more custody/parenting time, plenty of useful help over there.
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Old 05-11-2012, 08:23 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: Pretty sure OM dumped her, don't feel as happy as I thought I would

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Keep us updated how it turns out.

Also go on dadsdivorce.com to see some tips on how to get more custody/parenting time, plenty of useful help over there.
Thanks for the tip, much appreciated. Will do!

A part of me can't help but think that she may try to pull the "I'm sorry for what I did, can't we try again?" card when she gets it. I dunno. She's been so erratic lately that I just can't pin her down. We'll see, I guess.

This site is a godsend, and so are the people in it. I'd give you all medals if I could.
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Old 05-11-2012, 08:29 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: Pretty sure OM dumped her, don't feel as happy as I thought I would

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Thanks for the tip, much appreciated. Will do!

A part of me can't help but think that she may try to pull the "I'm sorry for what I did, can't we try again?" card when she gets it. I dunno. She's been so erratic lately that I just can't pin her down. We'll see, I guess.

This site is a godsend, and so are the people in it. I'd give you all medals if I could.
You can start by preparing your responses to each question she may ask but even then its not worth having THAT conversation to begin with. Good luck!!
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Old 05-11-2012, 08:29 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: Pretty sure OM dumped her, don't feel as happy as I thought I would

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Wow. Thank you very much for your kind words, I greatly appreciate it. That made my day.

I honestly don't know if she feels any remorse or guilt about what she has done. I hope she would, but in the end, it doesn't really matter.

On the plus side, I have my first date tonight since the separation. Reconnected with a real cool girl from high school; missed out on a good opportunity back in the day, don't want to miss out on it now.
At the risk of enciting wrath....

All my high school girls are sooooo much better looking now!

go have some fun!!
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Old 05-11-2012, 08:53 PM   #14 (permalink)
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At the risk of enciting wrath....

All my high school girls are sooooo much better looking now!

go have some fun!!
No wrath, just a good laugh.

This girl was hot in high school, and she's still hot now. Meow.

I will, thanks. Just a low key dinner at Denny's (her idea, believe it or not! She's not big into the whole "romance" thing) and then a nice walk around town chatting. Jeans and a tshirt for both of us, no fancy shmancy fake stuff that happens a lot when dating. Two real people talking and getting to know each other again.

Sounds fabulous.
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Old 05-11-2012, 08:58 PM   #15 (permalink)
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No wrath, just a good laugh.

This girl was hot in high school, and she's still hot now. Meow.

I will, thanks. Just a low key dinner at Denny's (her idea, believe it or not! She's not big into the whole "romance" thing) and then a nice walk around town chatting. Jeans and a tshirt for both of us, no fancy shmancy fake stuff that happens a lot when dating. Two real people talking and getting to know each other again.

Sounds fabulous.
Dude Denny's??

Is the Cracker Barrel in town closed for renos?
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