Does cheating once make you "A cheater"?
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Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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Old 05-12-2012, 06:14 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Does cheating once make you "A cheater"?

What do you all think? Is a non- cheater who strays once "A Cheater"? Or just a lost person? Like how Darth Vader was good until all this messed up stuff happened and then he became evil. But he was a loving husband and father once.
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Old 05-12-2012, 06:19 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Does cheating once make you "A cheater"?

If you are married or in a committed relationship and had sex with another person other than your significant other then, yes that is a cheater. That does not mean the person cannot realize the error and try to make amends. But by definition - yes, that person is a cheater.
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Old 05-12-2012, 06:21 PM   #3 (permalink)
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This is a different question than "is once a cheater always a cheater true." As someone who cheated once I can never undo what I did so in that regard I will always be "a cheater" however I would rather chew my appendages off than cheat again so in that regard I'm not "always a cheater." So from there what you think is the truth is a matter of opinion or maybe semantics.
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Old 05-12-2012, 06:22 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Does cheating once make you "A cheater"?

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Originally Posted by JuliaP View Post
What do you all think? Is a non- cheater who strays once "A Cheater"? Or just a lost person? Like how Darth Vader was good until all this messed up stuff happened and then he became evil. But he was a loving husband and father once.
So by that analogy we need to forget the mayhem and general chaos he caused all those years cause he was a good guy at one time. The people of Aldaaran would like to have a word with you about that.....


Oooops they can't. Their world got done blowed up

In all seriousness, I really think it depends on the circumstances and of the repentance of the WS. A rugsweeping blameshifting gaslighter gets no love from me. He/she is a cheater.

A repentant transparent works to make things right again learns from his/her bad choices person is given the liberty, IMO anyways, of not having that scarlet letter.

That is just me tho.
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Old 05-12-2012, 06:37 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Does cheating once make you "A cheater"?

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In all seriousness, I really think it depends on the circumstances and of the repentance of the WS. A rugsweeping blameshifting gaslighter gets no love from me. He/she is a cheater.

A repentant transparent works to make things right again learns from his/her bad choices person is given the liberty, IMO anyways, of not having that scarlet letter.

That is just me tho.
Thats exactly what i think
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Old 05-12-2012, 06:44 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Does cheating once make you "A cheater"?

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Thats exactly what i think
My one problem tho is what I brought up with your analogy.

Let's take it one step forward and suggest that Anakin does not die at the end of RotJ.

Does anyone believe for one second that anyone would look at him and not think "that son of a b!tch was Darth freakin Vader"

No. No matter what he does, and he could end up being the greatest Jedi in the history of the Jedi....

People will still look at him and think "Darth freakin Vader"

That is what I mean by the circumstances. Some, no matter what you do to rectify the situation, will never leave you. He could be the most repentant, transparent, proving his love and devotion, goin to IC to figure his sh!t out Anakin he could be, it would not matter. It would not change that stigma he would carry around.

It would never change. Ever.
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Old 05-12-2012, 06:50 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: Does cheating once make you "A cheater"?

Have you finally cheated? I asked because you are here on this forum and because of your thread titled Not in love or sexually attracted to husband anymore.
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Old 05-12-2012, 06:51 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: Does cheating once make you "A cheater"?

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This is a different question than "is once a cheater always a cheater true." As someone who cheated once I can never undo what I did so in that regard I will always be "a cheater" however I would rather chew my appendages off than cheat again so in that regard I'm not "always a cheater." So from there what you think is the truth is a matter of opinion or maybe semantics.
I agree with this. Maybe I misunderstood what was being asked originally.

JuliaP - if you are asking can a person feel remorse and make amends or try to, then yes they can.

It goes along the lines of can a criminal be remorseful and pay for their crime. Yes they can - but the record is still there. That never changes. They still did it. It is history and that does not change.

You can forgive but never forget.
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Old 05-12-2012, 07:03 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: Does cheating once make you "A cheater"?

The scaring thing is Darth Vader stayed evil.

What is the cheater doing to prevent from staying agian? IC, self help books, and MC?

It sounds like the cheater is telling them selves they won't do it again, and may not understand why they made the choice to betray the person they love. Sure the cheater can make excusses, but can they face the reality they have behavioral issues that changed there character.
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Old 05-12-2012, 07:53 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: Does cheating once make you "A cheater"?

But I only killed one person with the gun.

I only robbed one bank.

Heck yes,It makes the person a cheater.
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Old 05-12-2012, 08:00 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: Does cheating once make you "A cheater"?

I look at this subject this way;
I cheated.
My wife cheated.
We have both been very sorry to one another for what we did. Our R has gone wonderfully.

I know what she is capable of.
She knows what I am capable of.

I know that I will never, ever cheat on her again.
I believe that she feels the same way.
I am not 100% sure about her and I doubt that she is 100% sure about me.
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Old 05-12-2012, 09:31 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: Does cheating once make you "A cheater"?

My ex was cheating on the guy she was with when she handed me my papers less than eight months after we split. She spread them for two more guys after that according to her (what was once our) neighbors.
Looks like she's having a hard time finding what she wants and now that she's homeless she doesn't look so appealing to the guys who never had a job in their lives.
Me? I've never cheated on anybody in my life. And thanks to her, I doubt that I will ever have the opportunity.

Last edited by hookares; 05-13-2012 at 10:58 AM.
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Old 05-13-2012, 04:03 AM   #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: Does cheating once make you "A cheater"?

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But I only killed one person with the gun.

I only robbed one bank.

Heck yes,It makes the person a cheater.
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Wow...I wrote the exact post(made a rape analogy too) and decided not to post it
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Old 05-13-2012, 07:26 AM   #14 (permalink)
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Default Re: Does cheating once make you "A cheater"?

A cheater is a person who is cheating, or who regularly cheats, whether or not they currently are cheating.

A person who cheated in the past may or may not be a cheater currently.

A person who cheated in the past could be a former cheater, a reformed cheater, but not currently a cheater.

Either way, the cheating goes on your permanent record. It hurts the betrayed spouse. It may be forgiven but it is never forgotten.

Last edited by Will_Kane; 05-13-2012 at 07:30 AM.
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Old 05-13-2012, 08:15 AM   #15 (permalink)
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Default Re: Does cheating once make you "A cheater"?

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Wow...I wrote the exact post(made a rape analogy too) and decided not to post it
So did I do bad by posting that?

The way I see it, is there is a line that gets crossed. Before that line is crossed, you wouldn't go there. It's beyond acceptable, it's not an option that's on the table. You aren't that kind of person.

But when you do cross it. When you do choose to cheat. Well, it's now on the table, and you are that kind of person. You may spend the rest of your life planning on not choosing that option again, but your actions show that inside the core of who you are - that option is on the table.
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