I think he's hitting a point in his life where he is look back and seriously questioning his past choices and asking himself is he on the path he wanted to be on in his life.
Since that night and the subsequent 4 years had left such a scar on him emotionally, and since he subsequently married you - I think he's evaluated the situation and decided that his life isn't going where he had hoped.
He's got a lot of resentment at you, and I think a level of resentment and humiliation for having gotten back with you. Your marriage is a 1 in a million marriage as no one else would have taken back up with you.
If he has IC and you two have couples therapy you might be able to find a path through his feelings. Ignoring them and hoping they go away is dangerous.
But obviously this is still haunting him 23 years later and that means that time in this case won't heal wounds.
Frankly, even if he doesn't stay with you, I think he needs the counseling to help him through this as I believe a huge part of the problem is his feelings that resulting in the two of you getting back together. That's something that has whittled away as his self esteem these past two decades.
Really?? You guys are hanging on to stuff that happened 23 years ago??? If there was so much resentment why'd you get back together or get married in the first place?
Make a date somewhere, block out half a day to talk about this, throw out everything on the table, with the express intent that at the end both of you agree that you made mistakes, it was hurtful, and that you're going to forgive eachother and move on.
Not sure how either of you could live with so much unforgiveness and resentment.
let me see, married 23 Dec, apart 4 yrs before that. that's 27 yrs in the past. ok 26. Confused, I think he is just coming to terms with his shame and guilt that he was actually in an affair with a man while younger, an is looking to blame you for his action. the shame and guilt has eaten away at him, so he confessed. now he sound angry that you still want him. IR for you both, but accept no blame or guilt for being a stupid messed up teenager from a bad home. this is on HIM !!! Or, he is feeling those old urges again, and is looking for a reason to D you. He may just want a separation. watch out for this. he may use that to go downlow while you two are apart. Lady, if this happen,, plz plz plz, have him tested before getting back with him.
let me see, married 23 Dec, apart 4 yrs before that. that's 27 yrs in the past. ok 26. Confused, I think he is just coming to terms with his shame and guilt that he was actually in an affair with a man while younger, an is looking to blame you for his action. the shame and guilt has eaten away at him, so he confessed. now he sound angry that you still want him. IR for you both, but accept no blame or guilt for being a stupid messed up teenager from a bad home. this is on HIM !!! Or, he is feeling those old urges again, and is looking for a reason to D you. He may just want a separation. watch out for this. he may use that to go downlow while you two are apart. Lady, if this happen,, plz plz plz, have him tested before getting back with him.
Old - I might agree if it weren't for the fact of that night in question has been brought up through out the last 23 years. It's clear this isn't him dredging up old past hurts suddenly, instead it's an ongoing pain that he is dealing with.
Shaggy, going back to reread. but at his age back then, he didn't just walk into a gay relationship. He had to have been curious, and to not only try it, but to develope a R as a coming out of HS 18 yr old, that's goes deeper. My baby brother was gay. he was my mom's old age baby. He and I used to talk a lot after we reconnected. I was pissed at mom and him for years. Tough cool guy like me with a gay brother, you know what I mean. Anyway, the anger over the years could have been a couple of things.1. Resentment, shame and blaming her for hurting him so much he went that route. Which I can't see. Hell, in my HS days, we swapped GF when skipping school, or they pulled the old chu chu. Young and dumb we was. 2. he like what he did, but couldn't see family and friends accepting, so settled, and resentment comes up over the yrs. So may now be fighting with himself and trying to make her leave, so he will have another xcuse.
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Re: I have no one to talk to 
