H had an EA with Coworker, he said the only physical acts between them was kissing, hugging and holding but when A was exposed and OW tried to contact him and couldn't, she called me and said they had had sex in his truck..he denies this, even swore on our kids' life..OWS committed suicide on one of the nights she was out with my H.
Wow! That is the same as my wife's affair. It was with a coworker, and they were holding hands, kissing at lunch time. Other then that it was texting until a party after work one night at a club, and then they had sex in the back seat of her car.
I found out about a week later.
This is a relevant thread for me, because soon I am going home from working overseas to talk to my wife who just had a whirlwind affair with a guy from 34 years ago (he found her through Facebook). It went from zero to 200 in less than the month of March.
I know a lot from different sources already, but it's important that she tell me the story herself.
If your really want to know the truth, I did, then sooner rather than later. While raw and painful, if you wait regardless of R or D it all gets blurred. Time is not on your side. IMO it is better to know how bad is bad and deal with the outcome... then finding out you have been played (lied to) years later.
H had an EA with Coworker, he said the only physical acts between them was kissing, hugging and holding but when A was exposed and OW tried to contact him and couldn't, she called me and said they had had sex in his truck..he denies this, even swore on our kids' life..OWS committed suicide on one of the nights she was out with my H.
My man swore on his daughter's life. He is an amazing Dad, absolutely dotes on his daughter, they have a great relationship and I am envious of it because I don't have that with my children. I think it is totally different when you have one though. More than one child changes things massively. So yeah, he would do absolutely anything for his daughter and he totally adores her.
I asked him something that I knew to be true to see if he would be honest with me. I asked him over and over again, in different ways to get him to be honest with me, and he outright lied. Total bullsh*t. So I asked him to swear on his daughter's life. He did. He lied again and swore on his daughter's life.
Don't take what your husband said to mean anything. I have read of others on here doing the same also. Ask yourself why she would say that to you? In what context was she saying it? Was it in a mean way? To set the record straight? What would she gain from telling u a lie, or telling u the truth? Was she angry that he had pulled the wool over your eyes, anger at him dumping her turned into telling u the truth?...That would be the most likely explanation I would think, and the best way to hurt him. I imagine she was extremely angry at him if he ended the affair because he gets to keep his family and she ends up with absolutely no one...only intense guilt, loneliness and regret to keep her warm at night, while he gets to bulls*it his wife and get to keep his 'cosy little family'. How did she know that you were unaware they had had sex? Did u tell her or did your hubby tell her that that is what he told u? And most importantly, which version makes most sense?
It doesn't make sense to me that all they did was held each other and kissed. Sounds like a big fat lie.
Oh, and my questions were the why, when, did u love her, did u love me. Questions and answers to them created more questions, and so I asked more. Many of my questions were asked again and again, asked differently, to see if he would give me painful truths = be honest with me, to see if the answers changed = is he lying to me. I am a year on now and am seriously considering putting spyware on his phone to see if he continues anything. I almost believe him sometimes, but then I hit a major suspicion. I am not convinced he will ever be completely honest with me. I don't think he has it in him. There4 no trust. There4 no relationship. But I need bigger stuff to give me the backbone and conviction to leave him for good.
Only ask him the things you really want the answers to today!
Some things can always wait,
And maybe some things just don't need to be answered.
Think about how you will be able to deal with and proccess all the information also.
There are some things I haven't asked my H. I simply don't want to know. Rug sweeping? Denial? Maybe but my heart is very fragile these days and I only ask for what I can deal with right now. The rest can wait !
Good luck
DG
X Posted via Mobile Device
Actually cheaters tend to look the BS right in the eye
(according to some of the books about it) when they are lying. They try to establish eye contact to see if you are buying it. That was definitely what I experienced. He lied like a man running for congress. I didn't know he had it in him to be such an expert in deceit.
Very true!
My H down to a T! Posted via Mobile Device
H had an EA with Coworker, he said the only physical acts between them was kissing, hugging and holding but when A was exposed and OW tried to contact him and couldn't, she called me and said they had had sex in his truck..he denies this, even swore on our kids' life..OWS committed suicide on one of the nights she was out with my H.
My Cheater husband claimed the same thing, only kissing and hugging, etc.
It later turned out to be a lie. I found a receipt to a local hotel and a trip to San francisco and several other trips.
On the other hand, the OW lied about still seeing him at times I knew he was with me.
Just saying. IMO, the truth needs to be told for you to heal because otherwise the cheater is still gas lighting.
I do think it is possible for the OW to commit suicide over an EA, though. One counselor told me that most OW's are unstable. It is not in a woman's nature to cheat just for sex. They may really like the sex, but they always want more and most OW's are unstable.
Men on the other hand will often want to end an affair when outed. Some men see cheating as a male right and a conquest.
Sorry, did not realize OWS meant other woman's spouse. Still the statement still applies to an OW that may commit suicide.
My man swore on his daughter's life. He is an amazing Dad, absolutely dotes on his daughter, they have a great relationship and I am envious of it because I don't have that with my children. I think it is totally different when you have one though. More than one child changes things massively. So yeah, he would do absolutely anything for his daughter and he totally adores her.
I asked him something that I knew to be true to see if he would be honest with me. I asked him over and over again, in different ways to get him to be honest with me, and he outright lied. Total bullsh*t. So I asked him to swear on his daughter's life. He did. He lied again and swore on his daughter's life.
Don't take what your husband said to mean anything. I have read of others on here doing the same also. Ask yourself why she would say that to you? In what context was she saying it? Was it in a mean way? To set the record straight? What would she gain from telling u a lie, or telling u the truth? Was she angry that he had pulled the wool over your eyes, anger at him dumping her turned into telling u the truth?...That would be the most likely explanation I would think, and the best way to hurt him. I imagine she was extremely angry at him if he ended the affair because he gets to keep his family and she ends up with absolutely no one...only intense guilt, loneliness and regret to keep her warm at night, while he gets to bulls*it his wife and get to keep his 'cosy little family'. How did she know that you were unaware they had had sex? Did u tell her or did your hubby tell her that that is what he told u? And most importantly, which version makes most sense?
It doesn't make sense to me that all they did was held each other and kissed. Sounds like a big fat lie.
The OW in my husbands cheating thing, always swore on her children, when caught in a lie.
What I found to be interesting with my bf is that while he lied about some things ie "She was just a friend." on other occasions he would volunteer specific information.
for example, when I said, it appears to me that every time she "likes" a concert that you mention on your FB and we didn't go together, she must have been with you. He said that that was not always true......but he did admit to going to a concert with her that he never mentioned on his FB wall nor to me at the time. (I suspect because he was getting tired of her "likes")
When I asked him about a couple of charges on his credit card statement, I mentioned that it appeared that he was closing a bar tab on one evening (this from someone who claims to have no friends in this town other than she) as it was a sports bar (they were watching a game as per the e-mails) and the menu online showed a very cheap menu. If drinks are GBP 3 and GBP 4 and hamburgers GBP6, that's a whole lot of eating and drinking for 2 people at GBP127. But.....he did admit that a lesser charge GBP75 (and at a more expensive place) was due to his closing a bar tab for her friends and he was really pissed off on that occasion.
ETA: He told me that he didn't find her physically attractive and definitely not sexually attractive. But then during that period, he withheld sex from me. While it doesn't appear that they had or even attempted sex during that period, my feeling is that he was contemplating the opportunity.
And after a series of questions, where he admitted that this "pity kiss" that she was referring to was not only initiated by him, but also admitted that he was more enthusiastic /passionate about it than she was. That's all I needed to know to realise that he was really into her and she liked keeping him around as eunuch.
Here are some of the questions I have asked my WH and not in this order..lol..
Where were the places you took her?
Did you ever think about me?
Did you ever feel guilty?
What did you say to yourself to convince yourself that pursuing an affair was ok?
Has there been any contact with her?
Who all knew about the affair?
how far did it go? how many times?
Did you ever talk bad about me? if so, what was said?
what was it about her that attracted you to her?
did you ever talk about having a future together with her?
if you were unhappy in the marriage why not ask for a divorce so you could be free to be with whomever you choose?
did you ever take my kids around her?
how many times did you lie about your whereabouts to me so you could be with her?
did you ever tell her you loved her?
did she ever give you any gifts or you her?
when did the affair start?
who was the agressor?
Now you will have to ask these over and over until you get the truth unless your spouse is out of the fog and willing to be honest. I have more in my notebook that I will post later but it is important to only ask the questions that you can handle hearing the answers to, the rest you should save for a later time when the truth won't be to unbearable..
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Re: What questions did you ask your WS? 
I asked all of those as well.
