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Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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Old 05-15-2012, 08:15 PM   #1 (permalink)
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So..here I am sitting alone whilst my husband is out in New York at a work dinner. I am trying not to hyperventilate. Before I knew of everything he had done, I would not have batted an eyelid...he was out or travelling all the time. He has texted me several times, but he emailed me 20 times the weekend he paid for his AP to go to Singapore and be with him, so there is little reassurance there. I cannot go through life like this!! It is not fair on him or me..no way to live. Does it get easier, or do you just learn to squash the fears?
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Old 05-15-2012, 08:16 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Ridiculous

If there's no trust, there's no marriage.

It doesn't always get easier or better, which is why some decide to cut the cord rather than spend the next 10 or 20 years wondering if their spouse is with someone else.
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Old 05-15-2012, 08:46 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Poppy, you live in NYC. I would ask your sex addiction therapist for a spousal support group. If there is anywhere on earth where a sizeable, well conducted support group for sex addicts could exist, it is in NYC and that group is going to be able to help you far more than this forum. (((HUGS)))
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Old 05-15-2012, 08:50 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by iheartlife View Post
Poppy, you live in NYC. I would ask your sex addiction therapist for a spousal support group. If there is anywhere on earth where a sizeable, well conducted support group for sex addicts could exist, it is in NYC and that group is going to be able to help you far more than this forum. (((HUGS)))
And more hugs.
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Old 05-15-2012, 09:14 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Ridiculous

She has informed me that he is not a sex addict, but has Narcissistic Personality Disorder and sexual compulsions. I live in New Jersey..he works in New York. Thank you for thinking of a support group though.
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Old 05-15-2012, 09:30 PM   #6 (permalink)
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She has informed me that he is not a sex addict, but has Narcissistic Personality Disorder and sexual compulsions. I live in New Jersey..he works in New York. Thank you for thinking of a support group though.
All those wives of NYC NPD spouses have to live somewhere. They are no more likely to go downtown than you are to meet their support group. If the therapist is in Manhattan ask her for a sex addiction referral for northern NJ--then call that person. You may have to place several calls before you get what you need, but the therapists generally all know each other--at least that's been my experience in the major metro area where I'm located.
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Old 05-15-2012, 10:07 PM   #7 (permalink)
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She has informed me that he is not a sex addict, but has Narcissistic Personality Disorder and sexual compulsions. I live in New Jersey..he works in New York. Thank you for thinking of a support group though.

Poppy,
I don't know if there is a big difference. So far my opinion was, that sexual compulsion is correlated to sexual addiction. But I'm not a therapist... for me it doesn't really matter, it pretty much hurts the same.

Find a group. It's what kept me sane.

If not SA support group... what groups did she suggest?
If you have to look on your own for groups, look up those who are trained and "Certified Sex Addiction Therapist" (CSAT). You should be able to find more information about groups/help on their websites or over phone.

I'm sorry to hear this, Poppy. I thought you are going to get better. Hugs...
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Old 05-15-2012, 10:42 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Sorry for what you're going through. NPD is a tough diagnosis. I agree with others who suggest a support group because you won't feel so isolated in what you're going through.
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Old 05-15-2012, 11:38 PM   #9 (permalink)
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It does get easier. Don't know where you both are at in the recovery process but unfortunately it might only get harder before it gets easier. Remember, you're the injured spouse so you can call, text, be clingy, etc. until you feel the trust restored. That's your prerogative as the injured spouse. Don't go too overboard with this, though. After a while it only breeds more suspicion.

The idea of a support group is GREAT advice. This will also help you to recognize the balance of how much is too much.
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