Time and again, I am appalled to read that men are paying support for children that were conceived during and affair.
I am appalled to read that people have been sentenced to a lifelong STD caught from a cheating spouse, with no criminal charges for assault being filed against the cheater and his cheater partner.
I am appalled to see that most states do not even consider cheating a mitigating factor in the divorce and split everything 50/50 and many times a cheating spouse still gets alimony.
What is going on?
Why should a cheating spouse receive any support or alimony.
Why do they get 50/50 of the assets when often they spend a significant amount of money (marital assets) on the affair partner.
Both men and women spend money on the affair partner, in the form of gifts, etc.
Also, why is it so hard to sue affair partner for alienation of affection. If both BS's sued for this it would really hurt the cheaters.
IMO, if there were more serious ramifications for cheating within a marriage society would benefit because fewer people would cheat knowing they may lose so much financially or be charged with assault if they pass on an incurable STD.
There are numerous viral types of STD's that can actually go through a condom. In addition condoms often slip off and other forms of sex can still spread STDs.
In addition, just fluid that seeps around a condom can infect someone with an STD. Deep kissing can also pass an STD.
What do you think?
All opinions welcome
Do any of the BS's feel abused, as if the affair is a form of violent emotional battering and abuse.
Re: should affairs be deemed a form of spousal abuse?
courts are more concerned with the care of children than with the spouse and the laws are geared that way as a result
which, of course, makes for some unfair laws
plus you can really clog up the courts if you start making settlements based on why the marriage dissolved and you will find many cases of trumped up charges and such
so you're basically looking at a long time to get a "fair" divorce (and more $$ for lawyers) or quicker ways to move on- tough call
Re: should affairs be deemed a form of spousal abuse?
Why? Because our society glamorizes cheating. You see this in the media, the movies, on television, etc. Society has become desensitized to cheating. The general belief is that if a spouse cheats, it's the BSs fault. That the BS drove them to cheat. You see that in the attitudes of the people who haven't been betrayed yet who post in the CWI forum.
Its the changing mores of society. Most states and countries have gone to no-fault divorce, where there are no repercussions for infidelity, none at all. They can cheat and still walk away with half the marital assets and in most cases, custody of the children. There really is no justice. And the driving force behind all this no-fault divorce laws? It's about money. Because all states/countries have a limited amound of courts and judges. Proving adultery in court requires a trial, which takes up court time and money.
This is part of the decadence of western society. I doubt we would see any change in our lifetimes.
Re: should affairs be deemed a form of spousal abuse?
plus you would have to change the perception held by most of society that people are driven to cheat by their spouses withholding sex or not paying enough attention to them
Re: should affairs be deemed a form of spousal abuse?
I do understand what you are saying, Sara, I really do. But no, I don't think affairs are equal to spousal abuse. I'm not saying that they are not as serious, but it's just conflating two different things. Sorry, I'm a word person.
Re: should affairs be deemed a form of spousal abuse?
I agree and have said it before. The only way we are going to preserve families from the pain and destruction of infidelity is to impose harsher penalties on the WS, especially when it comes to divorce. And most of the times it is the WW who walks away scott-free with generous child-support and sometimes even alimony. For God's sake it's time to act to move our government into imposing some kind of actions on adulterous spouses who destroy their families in order to serve their own selfish needs and still benefit from the havoc they cause. To me a spouse who routinely cheats or has a continuing affair despite being being confronted by their partner IS ABUSING their partner and evern their family if there are kids involved.
Write your congressmen! Maybe a Pettition initiated by this group!
Re: should affairs be deemed a form of spousal abuse?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Almostrecovered
courts are more concerned with the care of children than with the spouse and the laws are geared that way as a result
which, of course, makes for some unfair laws
plus you can really clog up the courts if you start making settlements based on why the marriage dissolved and you will find many cases of trumped up charges and such
so you're basically looking at a long time to get a "fair" divorce (and more $$ for lawyers) or quicker ways to move on- tough call
Well if they are worried about the kids force the biological dad to pay child support.
Forcing a BS to pay support for kids that are not his own is emotionally abusive in itself, NO?
I don't see that lawyers getting more work is a bad thing. It creates jobs.
As for clogging the courts, raise the filing fees and such and hire more judges with that money.
I agree with Lord Mayhem. I know this will not change in my lifetime, but it just seems a bit insane that men are forced to support kids born of infidelity. What a slap in the face.
Re: should affairs be deemed a form of spousal abuse?
I tend to think that no fault divorces were the death of any type of legal retribution for affairs. Which in turn is why there is such a blaise attitude in some circles too them.
I am going to use a sports analogy. In Professional Hockey there is the instigator rule.
That means that if you start a fight you would receive an extra penalty and get kicked out of the game.
Now what has happened in alot of cases is that the players have reached a time where there is really a lack of respect for each other. You see alot more violence in terms of dirty play,
Why?
Because there is little to no fear of gettin your a$s kicked if you do something stupid that results in a player getting injured. There is no consequence. Believe me, when I played, I knew if I did something stupid a big ole boy would be right over to take care of business. There was fear in that. You toed the line if you did not want to engage with that big ole boy.
Same thing here imo... there is no fear. You can have an A and go about your business. It has been de-sensitized.
Re: should affairs be deemed a form of spousal abuse?
"courts are more concerned with the care of children than with the spouse and the laws are geared that way as a result"
The problem with that is that most courts assume the mother is the better parent and that is not always true.
In cases in which both parents appear to be competent but the wife has been found adulterous, more serious consideration should be given to giving the father primary custody. This does not in any way endanger the children but it doesn't REWARD the cheating wife either.
Re: should affairs be deemed a form of spousal abuse?
I think part of the problem too is that the law makers have a serious conflict of interest on this since their track record (I'm look at you Newt and Bill!) is very very poor.
so asking law makers to make a law which will come back to personally bite them, well that's not going to happen.
Re: should affairs be deemed a form of spousal abuse?
Well, even if it was legally abuse and could be prosecuted, the abuser would just get off with a slap on the wrist. Jails are so overcrowded already they let murderers and child molesters out WAY earlier than they should, and/or give them ridiculously light sentences in the first place.
I also do not agree that every cheater should end up with a criminal record because of it. (same with some people convicted of assault - having a lifelong criminal record because of something one did in a moment of insanity when they were 18 is silly IMO) My husband for example. For him to be labelled a criminal for what he did is ridiculous. Do I feel abused? Hell yeah. Would him being a criminal help me? Not in the LEAST. We travel outside Canada a couple times a year or more, and that would end. I like Canada, but there's a whole world out there too, and for me to be denied that pleasure with my remorseful husband would piss me right off. Plus he's been through the wringer about it enough. Time to move on for us, and we are.
Now, if he did it AGAIN, ask me if I think he should be in jail reaching for the bar of soap. You'll get a different answer.
Time and again, I am appalled to read that men are paying support for children that were conceived during and affair.
I am appalled to read that people have been sentenced to a lifelong STD caught from a cheating spouse, with no criminal charges for assault being filed against the cheater and his cheater partner.
I am appalled to see that most states do not even consider cheating a mitigating factor in the divorce and split everything 50/50 and many times a cheating spouse still gets alimony.
What is going on?
Why should a cheating spouse receive any support or alimony.
Why do they get 50/50 of the assets when often they spend a significant amount of money (marital assets) on the affair partner.
Both men and women spend money on the affair partner, in the form of gifts, etc.
Also, why is it so hard to sue affair partner for alienation of affection. If both BS's sued for this it would really hurt the cheaters.
IMO, if there were more serious ramifications for cheating within a marriage society would benefit because fewer people would cheat knowing they may lose so much financially or be charged with assault if they pass on an incurable STD.
There are numerous viral types of STD's that can actually go through a condom. In addition condoms often slip off and other forms of sex can still spread STDs.
In addition, just fluid that seeps around a condom can infect someone with an STD. Deep kissing can also pass an STD.
What do you think?
All opinions welcome
Do any of the BS's feel abused, as if the affair is a form of violent emotional battering and abuse.
Sure! As long as they include a section for "withholding intimacy" as abuse as well...
Re: should affairs be deemed a form of spousal abuse?
I think we can all agree that Family Law/Divorce Law in most states and countries need reform. But that isn't going to happen until society changes its attitude about infidelity and stops blaming the betrayed spouse. Until infidelity is no longer glamorized, but looked on as the cancer that it is, nothing will change. It's going to take decades for any change in perception, because right now, infidelity is sexy, but fidelity is not.
Re: should affairs be deemed a form of spousal abuse?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hope1964
Well, even if it was legally abuse and could be prosecuted, the abuser would just get off with a slap on the wrist. Jails are so overcrowded already they let murderers and child molesters out WAY earlier than they should, and/or give them ridiculously light sentences in the first place.
I also do not agree that every cheater should end up with a criminal record because of it. (same with some people convicted of assault - having a lifelong criminal record because of something one did in a moment of insanity when they were 18 is silly IMO) My husband for example. For him to be labelled a criminal for what he did is ridiculous. Do I feel abused? Hell yeah. Would him being a criminal help me? Not in the LEAST. We travel outside Canada a couple times a year or more, and that would end. I like Canada, but there's a whole world out there too, and for me to be denied that pleasure with my remorseful husband would piss me right off. Plus he's been through the wringer about it enough. Time to move on for us, and we are.
Now, if he did it AGAIN, ask me if I think he should be in jail reaching for the bar of soap. You'll get a different answer.
I only think a criminal charge should be filed if they pass on a lifelong STD. It is assault and in non marriages similar and even lesser injuries are considered assault.
Lastly, marriage is a legal contract, but it is not treated the same way a contract with a corporation is treated.
In a similar betrayal between corporation in contract the injured party gets a big pay out.
Marriage is a legal contract.
The stat shows that a high percentage of cheaters never get caught.
So catching someone once, doesn't guarantee they haven't cheated prior but never been caught.
about ten years back I found condoms in my husband's gym bag. It was an old gym bag he used prior to our marriage and he said they were old.
But, I now realize he gaslighted me.
Also, woman have called the house many times, but he claimed they were clients. Clients don't need to call the house.
He also did the picking the fight thing and storming out of the house periodically over the years. A red flag of an affair.
So, I think this is only my cheating husbands first time getting caught.
Now I know the red flags but before I was clueless and looking back I see them.
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should affairs be deemed a form of spousal abuse? 
