Anubis, at least she was honest with her wanting a doormat. Sucks to be her right now.
Keko,
Yup. I was young, stupid and inexperienced and didn't recognize the early warning signs (of her 'poly' nature) in the relationship. I wish something like these forums had existed then (predates public internet access), as I had no one to talk to or help me see that my situation was unhealthy. I was ready to divorce (been contemplating it for a few months) when she became pregnant. I stuck it out another decade for 'the sake of my kids'. Stupid, Stupid me. The first PA I would find out about occurred soon after my oldest was born (the kids are mine for sure).
Anubis, at least she was honest with her wanting a doormat. Sucks to be her right now.
Oh, she's got a new sucker. She got engaged as the alimony ran out. He probably only makes a third to a quarter of what I did, and has join custody of a kid of his own, so I don't think she'll get back to her desired lifestyle. ( And that's not counting the 500 thousand we had thanks to a buyout that went to zero in 5 years mostly due to her. We did buy a bigger house and some things, but in the end that netted out to only about minus 140k).
Word is she will finally get her first job (teaching) this fall. We shall see. Right now she constantly tells my kids that "you can't have (xxxx) because daddy is being mean and won't give us any money" (as if $25k a year in child support is 'nothing').
Looking back, there were so, so many things my ex-w said to me. Most of our marriage was her gaslighting and emotionally beating me into submission and exploiting me. If I ruled the world her demise would be the stuff the horror movies. From the D itself, some things that really stand out:
"IT'S NOT FAIR!!! THAT WASN'T PART OF OUR DEAL!!" (repeated many time, in reference to my filing for divorce after she insisted on an open marriage (open for her only)) I delayed pulling the Dtrigger until after I had 1) gotten the huge house that was rapidly losing value sold. 2) Moved all my stuff out to my new apartment --- 200 miles away! (job change)" I was too pissed at her or I would have said "Pray I don't alter it any further."
My ex- calls me in the middle of the day in the first year after D:
"I'm angry at you for leaving me. I miss being married. My therapist says I should let you know." She then goes on to rant for 13 minutes 45 seconds (I have it recorded) saying directly and repeatedly paraphrasing "I miss having someone to pay for things", "I missing having someone to watch the kids all the time" "I miss having someone to deal with creditors/house repairs/taxes" "I miss having someone to keep the house clean" "I miss having someone to fix my car" "I miss having having someone to watch the kids when I go out" "I miss being able to put (anything) on the (Amex card) and not having to ask (can I afford it)?" - It was truly epic rant, and nowhere in it was anything said that remotely came close to "I miss your friendship/ love/ etc" or any actual trait about myself. The only things ever mentioned (and I played the recording for people a couple times) were the things about life that were now inconveniencing her. She ended it by telling me that "I threw a wonderful marriage away".
Later, she goes on a rant about how if I "dare to tell my children" about my (now fiance), that she will get her BDSM master, her mother, her brother, her boyfriend, and others to tell the police that I had been [sexually molesting] my children." The recording of that rant is on file with my attorney.
More recently, in regards to Alimony (which just ended): "I deserve Seven Thousand dollars a month (from you) for the rest of my life". Said with a straight face and complete seriousness and conviction of the righteous. I don't have that recorded.
"I was jealous of watching other couples go out whenever they wanted to"
All this was after we had our baby, his solutions to his jealousy? To take OW out instead. Jerk-off.
Me: "How about (trusted family member) watch the baby for us to go out?
Him: "You know I don't trust anyone but your mom but she works all of Saturday"
I TRIED to go out on dates with him but got met with excuses. All. The. Time.
H: "I was so used to lying to you I didn't even think about it"
Jack-a$$
Me: Who is OW?
(seeing she accepted his FB friend request)
H: Who? Oh you know her she works in the office she has been there for years!
After I manage to delete her from his friends list he goes on to send her a PM about doing the "friends thing" he didn't know I rerouted his emails to be forwarded to my email.
Me: So after all that we talked about you STILL sent her a PM asking about the "friends thing" eh?
H: I was wondering if FB had a glitch ok? That's all!
Once it all went down after Dday.
H: You took away my only friend!
H: I introduced you to her!
H: All you women don't like each other and I knew there would have been a cat fight!
Funny how now he wonders this:
When are you going to start trusting me!
And after reading to him a post from TAM.
H: now I feel they gave you permission to hate me for 2-5 years, great.
Me: yeah it wasn't your EA it was this forum that did it right?
My wife's AP text me to tell me I was lucky. He said his wife had (apparently) cheated on him lots of times, and he lived in a small village. So because I live in a city it made my wife's affair(s) less serious?
A few days after DDay 1, my wife sent me a text saying "I am going to be the BEST wife I can be... I'll show you, you just wait and see xx". Two weeks later we had DDay 2. Another month later DDay 3. Yeah, she really showed me!
There are loads of things, ranging from blatant lying (she'd told her family that I'd got another woman pregnant) through to the ridiculous (she told AP that I had tried to "pimp" her out). Surely alarm bells must have been ringing for her other fella at that statement? And as for her family believing her lies about ME having an affair. They know me, yet they still believed her.
Looking back, there were so, so many things my ex-w said to me. Most of our marriage was her gaslighting and emotionally beating me into submission and exploiting me. If I ruled the world her demise would be the stuff the horror movies. From the D itself, some things that really stand out:
"IT'S NOT FAIR!!! THAT WASN'T PART OF OUR DEAL!!" (repeated many time, in reference to my filing for divorce after she insisted on an open marriage (open for her only)) I delayed pulling the Dtrigger until after I had 1) gotten the huge house that was rapidly losing value sold. 2) Moved all my stuff out to my new apartment --- 200 miles away! (job change)" I was too pissed at her or I would have said "Pray I don't alter it any further."
My ex- calls me in the middle of the day in the first year after D:
"I'm angry at you for leaving me. I miss being married. My therapist says I should let you know." She then goes on to rant for 13 minutes 45 seconds (I have it recorded) saying directly and repeatedly paraphrasing "I miss having someone to pay for things", "I missing having someone to watch the kids all the time" "I miss having someone to deal with creditors/house repairs/taxes" "I miss having someone to keep the house clean" "I miss having someone to fix my car" "I miss having having someone to watch the kids when I go out" "I miss being able to put (anything) on the (Amex card) and not having to ask (can I afford it)?" - It was truly epic rant, and nowhere in it was anything said that remotely came close to "I miss your friendship/ love/ etc" or any actual trait about myself. The only things ever mentioned (and I played the recording for people a couple times) were the things about life that were now inconveniencing her. She ended it by telling me that "I threw a wonderful marriage away".
Later, she goes on a rant about how if I "dare to tell my children" about my (now fiance), that she will get her BDSM master, her mother, her brother, her boyfriend, and others to tell the police that I had been [sexually molesting] my children." The recording of that rant is on file with my attorney.
More recently, in regards to Alimony (which just ended): "I deserve Seven Thousand dollars a month (from you) for the rest of my life". Said with a straight face and complete seriousness and conviction of the righteous. I don't have that recorded.
Epic.
ONe of the other threads reminded me of a funny...
Upon finally being caught (after 2 years of massive gaslighting) having an affair with a friend of ours... my W was shocked at my anger and hurt...
ME: "what did you think? what were you picturing would happen?"
HER: "well I thought you would find someone too, and we could all be friends, maybe all of us would go out to dinner sometimes and we could all be civil at (insert my sons name)'s birthday parties. I thought you would be happy that I'm happy"
HER: "well I thought you would find someone too, and we could all be friends, maybe all of us would go out to dinner sometimes and we could all be civil at (insert my sons name)'s birthday parties. I thought you would be happy that I'm happy"
Me: (I had already got my proof via-her email, the night before, she didnt know it yet) Do you mind giving me your email password so I can look at your email, is there anything in there that shouldnt be?
Her: You can look if you want to, I'm not hiding anything, go ahead if you want, but you would be controlling.
So I didnt push it that night, was hoping that she would come clean, nope, the next morning she goes in and deletes all of her emails and sets it up so deleted messages can not be retrevied.
To bad I already had them.
My wife's AP text me to tell me I was lucky. He said his wife had (apparently) cheated on him lots of times, and he lived in a small village. So because I live in a city it made my wife's affair(s) less serious?
A few days after DDay 1, my wife sent me a text saying "I am going to be the BEST wife I can be... I'll show you, you just wait and see xx". Two weeks later we had DDay 2. Another month later DDay 3. Yeah, she really showed me!
There are loads of things, ranging from blatant lying (she'd told her family that I'd got another woman pregnant) through to the ridiculous (she told AP that I had tried to "pimp" her out). Surely alarm bells must have been ringing for her other fella at that statement? And as for her family believing her lies about ME having an affair. They know me, yet they still believed her.
Holy Crap, how many DDays did you give her? also how many should we give?
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Re: The Stupid and Incredulous Thread... 
