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Never, ever Marry(just my opinion)

28K views 237 replies 53 participants last post by  morituri 
#1 ·
I'm encouraging my kids to never marry(well, I might keep my mouth shut with the girls, anyway).
Seriously, who in his or her right mind would marry these days. You are completely ****ed if your spouse cheats and decides to just dump your ass.
It is a sick way to live, this marriage deal, IMO.
 
#52 ·
I have contracted the local swat sniper team to if ever I am walking down the aisle again to take me out! Marriage is just a way for people to get together and allow them to take advantage of the other. I asked this the other day, I am 52, of my generation, not my folks, but mine. How many happily married couples do you know? Bet it is less than 10%. I was married for 30 years, raised three wonderful daughters, but what my xw did to me will never heal. I will never give anyone the chance to do that to me again. Do I think I will ever love again...I am beginning to think yes....but I will never think of "us" again over "me". too hard to relearn that.
Want to raise a family, think you might want to get married, insurance considerations only part of that. But my age, to remarry is pointless.
 
#58 ·
You can still say, "Well, that's your choice, son...but when you're grown, talk to me before you make any decisions." Or something like that.

Doesn't have to be so extreme. Just cause you got screwed over doesn't mean he will too. You should teach him how to find a good woman, instead of reasons to hate them.
 
#66 ·
I don't advise him to hate women. Just to not marry one. Men get screwed in divorce.
I inject 2600 a month, tax free into my XW's household, so she and her live in boyfriend(who was married when she hooked him) can live high on the hog. No way do the kids see a lot of that$$.
 
#72 ·
I love women. I enjoy their energy, how they look, how they smell, how they can banter, etc. etc.

But if my marriage ends, I'll never remarry. I'll enjoy their company as often as possible but like Hoosier, remarriage would make no sense at all.

And yeah, possible accusations of misogyny aside, I think young men, at least the responsible ones who sincerely want to do the right thing, are taking a huge risk by marrying. It may well be worth the gamble, but it may well not. I like poker and dog races, but I tend to place small bets. Not my house and retirement.
 
#76 ·
Being the father of two young women in committed relationships (one is married) I can tell you that women can ALSO get screwed by a cheating husband. If they have kids by such low life, they still have to deal with him for many years to come.

Personally? I would love to have each couple voluntarily submit themselves to being psychologically assessed to see if they have what it takes to be a good spouse. Though there's no guarantee that this would make for happy marriages (it takes work for that) it MAY create more healthier ones.
 
#77 ·
Well, you gotta nurture what you got and try to pick the best mate.

When i look back on men I was serious about, I see the red flags i ignored and would have surely put us in a divorce. Things I thought "would get better" or "it's no big deal" just because I wanted someone in my life. Many people settle. Settling leads to resentment...which can spiral into divorce.

So I took a year off and just dated. For fun. I wanted to break that clingy cycle and that needy cycle and I did! Then I met Hubs after that year. :) I was ready. Sure, we had our moments that we worked through last summer, but our mindset was 'for better or worse'. Divorce wasn't even an option. BUT...that's stuff I talked about with him before even getting married. I think many people don't talk about the "hard" stuff ebcause it's uncomfortable or they worry they'll scare the person away. If a person is scared away, then s/he isn't the right person for you. Thank them for running away and freeing you to get the right one.
 
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#80 ·
Hubs is my husband. His name is something else, although his initials are HAM ;)

We didn't want to get married. I never wanted to marry after the crap I went through and saw in my childhood home. Hubs never wanted to get married because his parents are insane!

We lived together, had a child, had papers drawn up for powers of attorney and living wills...we were basically married.

Then one day we just decided to do it. We had seen each other and how we dealt with money and sex and it was good (for almost 2 years before marriage). Our daughter was 7 months old and we decided to get married. 2 months later we were married.

I would never taint my child's mind about relationships though. I had that done to me, like i said, and I had to fight back against it. Let people learn for themselves. Just give them the tools to really know what they are doing.
 
#81 ·
I'm married to a wonderful woman so I can't relate to the OP, however I do understand the issue at hand which he speaks of.

It is important to realize however that marriage is not really the problem in society, it is the laws in place that do not take into consideration the true justifications and means for divorcing couples. Current laws generally protect women in a divorce no matter the circumstances of the divorce, even if the woman was misbehaving. It is really, truly unfair that marriage is recognized by state law but state law does not protect or penalize the appropriate individuals during separation, especially when evidence is provided. That is what deteriorates marriage in our society, because nothing is in place to actually preserve the concept of marriage in the first place.

If a state is going to place laws on recognition and terminations of marriage, then there should be legal terms built into marriage vows as well rather than keeping vow-speak strictly as romantic with religious ties only. For example, the priest would say "Do you solemnly swear from this day forward to relinquish all of your marital assets if you cheat on your spouse, including custody of children and any properties purchased, etc.?"

But really, the tragedy here is people are thinking about deterring their kids from something so wonderful as marriage. We don't need marriage to go away people, we need state laws to change and become more responsible for protecting and punishing the appropriate parties... no matter what the gender.
 
#87 ·
It's not marriage that's dangerous... it's the people who don't respect it's meaning that are. That's how i see it anyway.. and thats what I plan on telling my kids when they are old enough to understand.
 
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#83 ·
Marriage isn't the danger, financial turmoil is... because again, lack of state laws to protect against it.

Marriage is wonderful. Laws are dangerous. Just be sure you are teaching the correct message and not tarnishing marriage of it's wonder.
 
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#88 ·
Completely agree.

I bet if they started introducing juries and jury duty into divorce cases to make rulings based on evidence then things would become a lot more fair. Judges just don't want the headache and potential risk of taking assets away from a child-bearing mother. It's easier (and a safer career move) for them just to split have the sh!t down the middle and give the kids to the woman...
 
#91 ·
It is more sacred than a business contract! That's my point about it being so wonderful.

But yes, the problem is there is a business side to the contract as well, and that side of the deal is not being supported properly by law.
 
#92 ·
Most of the time, the red flags are right in front of our faces and we choose to ignore them. In my case, the fact that my ex-wife refused to discuss anything related to her growing up, should have told me right then and there that I should not have married her. But she being a very loving, giving and caring woman, I allowed my feelings to get the best of me and married her. Anybody who is secretive about their past, should be somebody you should run from. Secrecy has no place in a committed relationship like marriage.

Fortunately my divorce was uncontested and the division of marital assets did not hurt me like it has other folks hit by an unfaithful spouse. But even if it did, I knew before I married her that in a no fault divorce State, it doesn't matter what the cause of the divorce was and that everything that I brought into the marriage AFTER I got married was community property. So I can't fault the divorce laws considering I fully knew about them well before entering into the marriage. The way I see it, is that if you can't risk getting your nose bloodied - figuratively speaking of course - then you have no business getting into a committed relationship like marriage to begin with.
 
#99 ·
Yea, I push "dating" too. DATE PEOPLE! how do you know what you want if you don't know what's out there?!

My friends in HS had one bf for the 4 years. o_O I dated a few...no sex...just dating. Learned a lot.
 
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#101 ·
I've never had serious relationships with anyone from my HS... just never had that feeling for them. I know some people marry their HS sweetheart but I never had one of them lol.
 
#105 ·
Never knew that.. :/ Thanks morituri.. will definately look into it.
 
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